“Is She Interested In Me Or Just Being Friendly?”
Sexual harassment is a huge deal these days.
We’ve seen plenty of women calling foul on wealthy, powerful men.
Harvey Weinstein, Oliver Stone, David Blaine, Brett Ratner, Louis CK, Bryan Singer, Larry King, Russell Simmons, Ben Affleck, Nick Carter… the list of names is pretty staggering.
The public, the media, and entire professional industries have taken notice. And they’re taking action.
Now more than ever, women will have the confidence to stand up against harassment.
That’s a good thing, no doubt. There is, however, a downside.
Don’t get me wrong. Many accusations of harassment are legitimate…
…however, sometimes they result from simple misunderstandings. And these seemingly petty misunderstandings can escalate into huge trouble…
…like what happened to my friend Dave.
Table of Contents
- “Is She Interested In Me Or Just Being Friendly?”
- When Harmless Flirting Is Seen As Harassment…
- Warning! Workplace Romance Is More Hazardous Than Ever
- When Fear Gets In The Way Of Love…
- How Anxiety Ruins (Possibly Great) Romance
- Is She Interested Or Just Being Friendly?
- Did You Miss Those Subtle Signs Of Interest?
- How To Know If Woman Is Attracted To You
- Signs A Woman Is Attracted to You
- Unconventional Signs A Woman Is Attracted to You
- Why You Can Still Screw Things Up (Even If She Likes You)
- Make a Foolproof First Move with Fractionation
When Harmless Flirting Is Seen As Harassment…
“Good morning, Dave.” Sarah glanced up and smiled briefly as he passed the front desk.
“You look terrific in that cardigan, by the way.”
Sarah did a double take. “Excuse me?”
“Your cardigan,” Dave said again. “It really suits you.”
With one hand, she nervously pulled the front of the sweater closed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing. I was just trying to compliment you.”
“It didn’t feel like a compliment.”
“I’m sorry. It was only …”
“I don’t appreciate being objectified like that, David.”
“Sarah, please, I didn’t mean…”
Sarah scowled. “You walked in the door and commented on my appearance. I know exactly what you meant.”
“Sorry, I misspoke. You’re an intelligent, competent person and a valuable member of this workplace.”
“Sorry, gotta go clock in—can’t be late!” Dave dashed for the safety of his office.
Warning! Workplace Romance Is More Hazardous Than Ever
See? Even a casual comment can be interpreted as an unwanted advance.
Make no mistake now… it’s more important than ever to tread carefully in the workplace.
On top of that, it’s inevitable that you’re going to find one or more of your co-workers attractive.
After all, you’re a young, red-blooded male with a healthy libido.
And we’re all familiar with workplace rules forbidding colleagues from dating one another.
Unfortunately, we don’t get to decide who we’re attracted to. Attraction just sorta happens, right?
But guess what? The deck is very obviously stacked against any man interested in dating a co-worker.
Workplace romance? It’s getting more hazardous than ever.
When Fear Gets In The Way Of Love…
“Heya, Dave.” Carli smiled as she leaned against the front of his desk. “Happy Monday.”
“Hi, Carli,” he replied. “Have a good weekend?”
She shrugged, with the hint of a pout on her lips. “Kind of boring, actually. Didn’t really have anyone to spend it with.”
“You should, uh, get out more,” Dave told her. “Use that sales-department charisma to meet some new people.”
Carli laughed a little. “It’s tough, you know? After fifty-plus hours at work each week, I don’t feel much like hitting the town. And even in college, I was never into the club scene.”
“Yeah, I know how you feel.”
“How about you?”
“Oh, you know. We would go out and drink, but not like every night or anything.”
She laughed again. “No, silly, how was your weekend?”
He laughed awkwardly, forcing himself to maintain eye contact as she leaned lower over his desk. “Uh, about the same.”
Carli kept smiling. “That’s too bad.” She brushed a stray wisp of hair back behind her ear. “Some girl somewhere is totally missing out.”
Dave forced another anxious chuckle. “Sooner or later, she’ll wise up and stop looking for me at the bar.”
She laughed a third time. “You are just too much.”
“What’s too much,” Dave said, looking eagerly back at his webmail, “Is the amount of crap I’ve got to get done this morning.”
“I know, right? Hey.” She brushed her hand against his. “You going to the lunch meeting later?”
Dave sighed. “As if I could avoid it.”
Carlie, still smiling, said, “Don’t worry, it won’t be so bad. I’ll save you a seat next to me at the table, okay?”
“Thanks, Carli. That sounds great.”
She shot another grin over her shoulder as she made for the door. “See ya then!”
Dave ventured a glance below the equator as she exited. He held his breath until the click-clack of her high heels disappeared down the hall. Then he exhaled and wished desperately that he had met Carli at a bar, or a club, or anywhere that wasn’t work.
How Anxiety Ruins (Possibly Great) Romance
“She is so hot.”
Dave and I were at the bar. Just like back in college.
“Yowza.” I’d found Carli’s picture on the company website. “First time I’ve ever seen a supermodel kickin’ it business formal.”
“See?” Dave practically wailed. “See what I mean?”
I sipped casually at my bourbon and asked him, “So why don’t you tell her?”
“Are you shitting me? Do you not remember what happened with Sarah?”
“Yeah. You told me, like, twenty minutes ago.”
“Then why in god’s name, Derek, would I set myself up for that again?”
“You’ve told me the truth about everything that happened, right?”
“Of course! I would never treat Sarah like that.”
I rolled my eyes. “No, dumbass. About Carli.”
“Yeah, totally.” He nodded decisively. “Believe me, I remember it vividly.”
“Good,” I told him. “So, let’s back up a few minutes and revisit that lunch meeting.”
Is She Interested Or Just Being Friendly?
Carli waved at him as soon as Dave walked through the conference room door.
“I snagged the last meatball sandwich for you.” She nudged him with her shoulder as he sat.
“My favorite,” Dave said, situating a napkin in his lap. “Thanks.”
“Hey, Dave,” Gareth said as he passed and took the other seat beside Carli. “Hey there, Carli. Workin’ hard or hardly workin’, huh?”
Carli forced a smile.
“Ready for the start-of-the-week meeting?”
“I guess so.” Carli took a big bite of her sandwich and chewed slowly.
“Alright, folks,” Jerry stepped up to the front of the room. “Glad to see you all here. I want to start off with…”
The Monday meeting got underway.
After a few minutes, Carli glanced down at her phone. She tapped it for a moment or two, then looked back at the presentation.
Dave’s phone lit up.
“OMG. Jerry is literally almost as boring as my weekend. lol”
He smiled and shifted in his seat, then jumped as his foot bumped one of Carli’s.
“… or else,” Jerry went on, “we’ll find ourselves up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick, am I right?”
Everyone chuckled politely. Dave glanced at Carli. She caught him in the act and smiled again.
Did You Miss Those Subtle Signs Of Interest?
“She’s so into you,” I insisted.
“No,” Dave protested, shaking his head. “She isn’t. She’s just really friendly.”
“But she didn’t act that way with what’s-his-name.”
“You mean Gareth?”
“Yeah. Did she?”
“Well, no. But that guy’s a meathead anyway.”
“She didn’t laugh at his dumb joke. She didn’t chat him up. And she definitely didn’t save the last meatball sandwich for him.”
Dave looked severe. “You’re saying you don’t like my jokes, aren’t you?”
“Does it matter? She thinks they’re funny.”
“I told you, man, she’s just being friendly.”
How To Know If Woman Is Attracted To You
Let’s first look back at Dave’s experience with Sarah (the receptionist).
If she were attracted to him, Sarah might have mistaken Dave’s friendly compliment for a sign of interest.
But she wasn’t, and so she thought Dave was making a pass at her.
And that’s exactly what Dave’s afraid of with Carli. He doesn’t want to misread friendliness as a romantic inclination.
For sure, it’s often very difficult to tell the difference.
That’s especially true of women in the sales or service sectors. Because, for them, a little flirting means more commissions and more generous tips. It’s the nature of their jobs.
But, you know what? that doesn’t mean they’re necessarily faking their interest, either.
So how can you tell?
The “Baseline” Technique
Here’s how to know if a woman likes you for sure: establish a baseline.
This means that you’ll need to know how she behaves around the guys who are her (platonic) friends. This will form a “baseline” for you to compare her behavior with when she’s with you.
If she acts all weird (i.e. when her behavior deviates from the “baseline”) around you, it means that she likes you for sure.
In Dave’s case, he’s right. Carli is a very friendly person—when she wants to be.
But it’s safe to say that she has a very different attitude toward Dave than toward the other men around her.
In short, she has deviated from her “baseline”.
And based on that, a closer examination of her behavior is most definitely called for.
Once you detected any change in how she behaves (or, in technical terms, some “deviation from baseline”), you’re more than halfway there.
Signs A Woman Is Attracted to You
It’s worth repeating here:
“Baseline Deviation” is the most precise way to know if a woman is interested in you.
Additionally, you want to look out for common “Indicators of Interest” (or IOIs as what Pickup Artists call them). These are secondary to Baseline Deviation, but still useful nonetheless.
14 Common Indicators Of Interest (IOIs)
- She stands or sits close to you. This is a big sign that she’s comfortable with you. It’s also a sign she wants physical intimacy.
- She pays you compliments. If a woman finds little things about you to praise, it’s a very good sign. It means she’s interested enough to notice and cares enough to tell you.
- She finds reasons to interact. If she wants to see you or talk with you, she’ll find an excuse. Why not help her out by making yourself available at the bus stop or in the hall?
- She holds conversations. She’ll start chatting casually with you. She’ll ask open-ended questions to learn more about you and keep you engaged. It means she enjoys being around you and wants to know you better.
- She keeps eye contact. If she does this, it means that you’re the most interesting thing in the room.
- She smiles at you. People smile at things we like. We’re also attracted to people who smile at us. It’s a win-win.
- She does nice things. Like saving the last meatball sandwich for you.
- Her body language is relaxed. She faces directly toward you when speaking. She doesn’t sit sideways or adopt defensive postures like crossed arms or legs.
- She makes casual contact. She touches your shoulder or hand as part of conversation. She adjusts your collar for you. She even saves you from some stray lint on your sleeve. Physical contact, especially interpersonal grooming, are near-universal signs of affection.
- She laughs at your jokes. Even the bad ones. Especially the bad ones.
- She plays with her hair. Maybe she’s nervous about talking to someone she likes. Maybe she’s worried her hair is messy. Whatever the cause, a woman who touches her hair is a woman concerned about the impression she’s making on you.
- She looks at you when you’re not interacting. The eye is the only sensory organ connected directly to the brain. As a result, humans take great pleasure in visually appealing things like art, architecture, and attractive people.
- She texts you frequently. It means that, even when you’re apart, you’re on her mind. Whatever she’s doing, she finds it less interesting than interacting with you.
- She invites you somewhere. An invitation means she wants to see you outside your normal sphere of interaction. It’s a signal that she wants more than what your current relationship is providing.
If you see any of these Indicators of Interest, then great. If not, don’t worry – they are not that crucial. “Baseline Deviation” is a more reliable indicator, anyway.
Unconventional Signs A Woman Is Attracted to You
Know this –
Nothing in the world is absolute. That’s especially true when it comes to romance.
The list above includes signs that are relatively common in women. You may have noticed that Carli displays many of them.
Alas, not every woman is Carli.
And women have many different ways of showing affection and attraction.
In fact, some of the signs that women show may well be somewhat counter-intuitive. Here are six “unconventional” or less obvious behavior indicators that she will display if she likes you.
6 Unconventional Signs Of Interest
- She avoids eye contact. She might be playing coy, or she might be very timid. In certain cases, avoiding eye contact can be as significant as maintaining it.
- She’s nervous in conversation. Some women feel intimidated or inadequate around people they’re attracted to. Nervousness may be a sign that she’s concerned with the impression she’s making. She’s usually confident, but with you around, she turns into an insecure woman. This is a “Baseline Deviation”.
- In a group, she looks at you first while laughing at a joke. Even when someone else made the joke, her eyes are on you. She wants to see you smiling and happy, and she wants you to see her the same way.
- She reveals personal, emotional details. You might think it’s an over-share. But it’s still a sign that she’s comfortable enough with you to reveal intimate stories and information.
- She flirts with other guys. She thinks that creating competition is good to “spur” you into action, but this is (usually) counter-productive (and she doesn’t know it). If she’s not usually the flirty kind, this is a Baseline Deviation.
- She downright insults you. Some women become rude to the guys they like because they crave the emotional drama and attention. Again, if she’s usually nice and well-mannered, this is another Baseline Deviation.
You’ll notice Carli does a couple of these things as well.
Try this exercise:
Look back at her interactions with Dave. Can you identify the signals she gives him?
It’s important. Being able to notice these subtle signs is half the battle…
And the other half?
Acting on them.
Why You Can Still Screw Things Up (Even If She Likes You)
If you’re anything like Dave, once you’ve recognized the signals, you’ll want to make a move.
BE WARNED: You can still fuck things up.
Just because she likes you doesn’t mean you’re golden. If you screw up, there will be consequences.
Take, for example, sheer embarrassment. It may be temporary, but there’s still no fixing the awkwardness of a romantic gaffe.
Even worse, your reputation may be on the line. In Dave’s case, if his relationship with Carli were to sour, it could cost him his job, his career…
…or worse, get slapped with a sexual harassment lawsuit.
So, there are good reasons to proceed with caution. But proceed you must.
Since you know she likes you, you should definitely make the first move—with Fractionation.
(Side note: some call it Fractionation Seduction to bring focus to its use in attracting women, but Fractionation is way more than a “seduction” tactic.)
Make a Foolproof First Move with Fractionation
Fractionation is a hypnosis technique that exploits a woman’s emotional flaw.
It works by moving her from emotional highs to emotional lows and then back again. Something like an emotional rollercoaster.
Because of the technique’s hypnotic effect, it will put her into a waking trance. As a result, she’ll be much more pliant and open to suggestion.
After a while, what happens? Here’s what – she’ll get addicted to the emotional high you give her. And she’ll do anything to avoid those emotional lows.
So you can see how Fractionation is the perfect way to start a new relationship on the right foot.
I taught Dave all about how to use Fractionation to create a solid foundation for his romance with Carli.
And guess what? I can do the same for you.
Before you proceed to learn Fractionation, here’s a word of caution:
Fractionation can be dangerous.
If used maliciously, Fractionation can leave a woman mentally scarred for the rest of her life. No joke.
That’s why you should only use Fractionation to secure a happy, committed relationship with a woman you truly care about.