How Can I Meet Girls If All I Want Is To Be In A Relationship For The Long Term?
“Do you have any advice for someone who only wants to get into a relationship for the long term? I have no intentions of meeting a woman to sleep with her within a week or a month. I seriously just want a serious relationship where sex doesn’t come up until we know one another very well. How to make a woman want you for the long term, not just for a short fling?” – Douglas T. from St Petersburg, FL
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
You aren’t the only one with this particular focus; a lot of other men have it, too. But if this is starting to hurt you, you should know that just because a woman has sex with you quickly doesn’t necessarily mean that she isn’t girlfriend material.
As a matter of fact, my most passionate and greatest relationships were with girls whom I had slept with quickly. I would even go so far as to recommend sleeping with a girl as fast as possible if you want a relationship that will last for the long term.
There are many reasons behind this, but they can be summarized into this: an ultra strong bond will be formed with her and she will feel extreme passion for you. Plus, she will end up being much more loyal for years to come.
So, if you are hoping to find a great girlfriend, sleep with her – fast.
Of course, if you’re familiar with the IRAE Model (the four stages of love) – never skip steps if you want the relationship to last.
How Does Effective Flirting Work?
“I’m extremely flirty with women, but I have a problem: even though I flirt, I still don’t make it anywhere with them. I have no idea what I should say to random pretty girls on the street. Can you provide me with some great openers?” – Terry P. from Jacksonville, NC
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
If you flirt with girls but don’t “get anywhere”, you are probably lacking something: either escalation and physical touch or non-flirty talk. Both of these are important because, without touching her, you will never sleep with her. It’s as simple as that.
So, whenever you flirt with girls and don’t touch them, they will know your flirts are nothing but “empty threats”. They won’t want to spend time on guys who aren’t potential boyfriends, so they move on.
This is why it would be important for you to touch the girls that you talk to. It shows them how serious you are about reaching an intimate stage with them in the long run. Plus, it shows how confident you are in a sexual, true and calm manner. Of course, you should expect her to play hard to get – it’s part of the game!
You also have to do more than flirting. You have to have conversations in which she tells you a bit about herself. Or perhaps tell her stories about your personal vision. Or perhaps get some compliance from her before asking her for a drink.
Either way, you need more than flirting, otherwise – as with what’s mentioned above – she will see through you and move to somebody who can “carry out” his flirts with her instead. Try these out and see whether they will help. 🙂
What Can I Do If I Live With My Mom?
“I want to mention my main objective with women: closing. I live with my mom right now (I am 21) and I date girls who also live with their mom or dad – or both – so it’s difficult to find places to close.
I want to fix this problem, but I can only think of hotels – and those aren’t plausible solutions for me. I want to get more income to move out, but this is proving to be a problem because I need to concentrate on my studies first and don’t want things to interfere with that. I also have problems with sexual escalation in person or through text. Please help me. I would truly appreciate it.” – Donald B. from Germantown, MD
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
Yes, it sure is hard not knowing where to escalate things at. I had that problem before, too, so here’s what I have to say: Find a Place and Be Great. This means choosing a spot other than your room and trying to bring girls there. When I did my thing, I chose a cleaning van without windows – creepy shit. I made it work, though, so you shouldn’t have any trouble closing girls in cars or changing rooms or mall bathrooms, either – basically anywhere where you can be alone.
Your primary advantage would lie in making the sex exciting in an instant. This will also make escalating things much easier after getting her alone in there. Hope this helps. 🙂
What Do I Do If I Still Live With My Parents Or Have Kids?
“First of all, I have full custody of my two daughters, so I attend to them all the time. Plus, because of the crap economy today, I still live with my parents. Because of these two factors, I have had a mental block. So, whenever I talk to a girl I want to have sex with and I realize I can’t bring her home, I instantly get embarrassed. Is there some way I can turn things around?
I don’t actually wanna ‘use’ my parents or kids, but I at least want to turn things to my advantage when I talk to women. Another question: since I have kids, I don’t get to go out a lot and do things for myself, so where else can I meet women, then? I guess I know an answer to that – daycare! – but is there any other way? Supplementary question – I’ve got a weird taste for attached women. Can you teach me how to seduce a married woman?” – Thomas Y. from Phoenix, OR
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
Naturally, your little daughters should always come first. And you should never exploit them in order to get some. However, being a dad in itself can bring you lots of great opportunities.
For example, if you tell a girl you have two little daughters, she will instantly see you as a protective, experienced, caring and mature guy. Plus, two daughters will make them extra adorable.
Now, when it comes to the economy and living with your parents, just don’t mention it. Let her know that you are with your parents so you have help taking care of your daughters while you follow your dream. This will make you look attractive because you are concentrating on overall success instead of concentrating on current setbacks.
So, where can you meet great women? The list never ends, really. There are coffee stores and book stores; stores, in general; malls; clubs and bars; libraries; parks; school and work – but be very careful in workplaces. Why, you can even get game from girls that walk past you during the day.
All you have to remember is to be straightforward at all times and talk to girls like they are human beings as opposed to mere sexual objects.
To answer your supplementary question, read this guide.
Where Do You Locate Real Naturals?
“How were you able to locate naturals to chill with while learning and how were you able to check on your progress back then (I’m assuming you had a lonely start). I would also like to know whether conversation threads and routines are useful and where I would be able to locate them with the plethora of information available today. Lastly, although I can do cold reading, I still feel a bit awkward during social gatherings. Do you have any suggestions to get over this?” – Thomas S. from Northampton, PF
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
Actually, I had good luck when I started out. I met Simon right after I got frustrated from all of the rejection I experienced from women. He helped me out by introducing me to friends and that’s where it all began, really.
I know several places where you can meet such men. (Even though I still think you should concentrate on meeting women instead. This will be much better for you as more time goes by.) Some examples would be clubs and bars, most of all the popular ones, and well-known hang out spots.
I have also noticed that naturals usually choose certain jobs – those where they can be surrounded by hot chicks. (Sadly, a lot of the time, guys who truly succeed with women take such jobs, too, with hopes of meeting a lot of gorgeous women, so take heed of these guys.) These jobs would include nightclub promoters, strip club DJs, barber shop owners, and restaurant managers, to name a few. Just keep those eyes peeled and be open when meeting new people.
Now, when it comes to congruence, you will only have trouble with it if you use another person’s routines and lines. You should never do this. See, succeeding with women has a lot to do with the traits that women want in men. So, no matter what you say, she will get turned on, provided it comes from a great focus. And, in the end, you should make up personal things, so she can find out more about you anyway.
To answer your question about cold reading, check out these two guides:
- Barnum Statements (What They Are, And How To Use Them On Women)
- How To Keep A Woman Interested In You (With The Barnum Effect)
How Can I Start Up A Relationship With A Girl?
“I am honestly not horrible with women, but I do want a relationship. I like this girl called Belle and she likes me, too, but a few weeks ago, a guy dumped her. I didn’t take advantage of her after that. I decided to be her friend. The thing is: she’s got a best friend who’s an orbiter and they’ve been friends since they were in pre-school. So, since he’s permanently stuck as a friend, he hates all the other guys who like Belle by default.
My frustration right now is that she wants to take some time to get to know me better before dating me. So, my question is: what am I supposed to do? Should I give her that upper hand while trying to meet a ton of other women, or should I just completely forget about her and see her as nothing but as a friend?” – Charles D. from Hollywood, FL
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
Become the friend of that guy that hates everybody else. There is no way anyone can hate people that are cool to them. So, if you’re nice, chances are, he’ll be nice in return.
To be honest, that guy is nothing to be worried about, though. If he really hates all of the guys she dates, he’ll end up hating you, no matter what you do. And she’ll factor him out if she dates you. She’ll think “He’s always like this, so whatever.” So… whatever. 🙂
Now to your question. She probably isn’t comfortable with the speed that you’re working at right now. A date might be a huge thing for her. So try to hang out more and physically escalate things whenever you can instead. You will eventually have sex and date.
However, do let the dates evolve organically. This means: do not force things or put labels on things too soon. This will make her more comfortable with you and you will end up getting all the dating benefits without any of the stress or hassle of real dates.
As for your two options, you’re assuming far too much. There is no upper hand nor a need to stay mere friends with her. Read that answer I gave about emotional flexibility to a guy up there. It is sure to help you lots right about now.
Of course, there’s a real danger in dating a friend – because you’ll need to be vigilant about the “friend zone signs” and always be aware of your status with her. If you need help escaping the friend zone, read this.