How Can I Date An Ex Of A Friend?
“I’ve liked this chick Debbie for a while now. I was dating another girl before (we were even engaged) for more than two years, after which my best friend Benjamin began to date Debbie. They were the other couple during board games night. We also had parties where at one point my ex and I had sex with them in the room and almost led up to a foursome. The whole time I was sleeping with my ex, I saw Debbie’s tits in front of me.
Anyway, these relationships both dissolved and my best friend and my ex ended up having sex while I was still hoping to fix things with my ex-fiancee. My best friend knew what I was trying to do at the time, too. I even told him I would never be okay with him sleeping with her, if it came up, hypothetically. Derek, you can only imagine how stunned and angry I was and, for revenge, I really wanted to fuck his ex – hard.
That’s when I started pursuing it. However, I started to like her more and more the longer I pursued her. We threw several parties together and once, while setting up a party, I started talking to her about sex. She told me she isn’t fond of sex because it doesn’t turn her on and she has only experienced it with one other guy before. I explained that this had something to do with never having an orgasm before.
Anyway, I ended up massaging her back and even convinced her to remove her bra. I couldn’t escalate from there, though. It somehow just did not felt right. I’m thinking it had to do with weak sexual tension and our nine-year age gap and just being scared of already being stuck in the friend zone (I’m pretty sure we’re still in it).
After that, she visited me one time and we ended up talking. Then, I let her know I wanted to date her and she was, naturally put on the spot. She said she was already dating someone, but only because that guy was so persistent.
That’s when I came across Shogun Method. Now, we talk every now and then and I played her a little through text, but nothing has materialized yet. Plus, she appears to be with another new guy because she got scared when he said he was in prison for something stupid – shooting at somebody else’s house or something. I basically truly care about her but don’t know what to do anymore.” – David M. from San Francisco, CA
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
Your “friend” sure is an asshole. I love the story, though, so I kept it all here. 🙂
I am going to tell you what to do now. And, provided you follow all the advice found in Shogun Method, you won’t have any trouble getting her to jump into bed with you. Let’s go.
Your anxiousness to sleep with her is based on the objective of getting revenge on your friend. Well, this anxiousness is why you’re screwing up. For example, she was “put on the spot” when you said you wanted to date her. You basically forced her into making a decision – a massive no-no. See, whenever somebody gets forced into making a decision, they tend to choose not to change anything. This leads to the same thing over and over.
You definitely got the sexual tension thing going, though. And you should make sure to use a ton of intrigue when texting her. It is also alright to take your time before sleeping with her.
Since she has no sexual experience, sex will be a huge step for her. Because of this, you need to become a good friend to her first. Although you can be friends who do physical stuff like hooking up and making out, you still need to be friends. (Don’t worry about “friend zone problems” for now… they are irrelevant.)
Then, take things from there and relax while taking things step by step. Follow the steps in Shogun Method. Enjoy. Nothing would be better than sweet revenge in the end.
How Can I Get A Lot Out Of A Restricted Time Span?
“I’m a Biology major graduate student. I work almost every day and a lot of the time, I spend at least 14 hours at the lab. I recently moved 1000 miles away from school and I don’t know anybody in my zip code – which has never happened before. I have never not been surrounded by a very close-knit community of my friends before, basically.
I was pressuring myself far too much when I began to go out because, regardless of how things went during the night, the results would always be disappointing. This is is why I ended up getting some extremely negative thought processes, which are now hard to unlearn. Anyway, I’m beginning to do some networking and am starting to enjoy some great times again.
I’m beginning to see positive female interactions now that I’m more comfortable and relaxed with myself. There’s a problem, though. I only have a great time in this particular zone whenever I’m with my own friends.
So, what can I do to get into the zone after a stressful day where my mind was in the wrong area and nobody is free to go out?” – Steven E. from Duluth, MN
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
You have a great chance here. This happens to be the “fresh start” that millions of guys in You have a great chance here. This happens to be the “fresh start” that millions of guys in America hope for every single day. So put it to good use. Here’s how you can manage all of your time as you dominate this particular start:
1. Since you have a restricted time limit, get what you can out of it.
2. If you sometimes need a pick-me-up in your head, most of all if you’ve had a long day or are doing things alone, both will fortunately lead to one answer: The minute you leave work… Heck, the minute you wake up… Make nice conversations with everybody that you come across. And I mean everybody. Ask that girl at the supermarket counter how her day has been. Listen to her and ask for her to talk some more. Ask people at work how the weekend was. Ask about their kids and their lives. Listen to them answer.
Lastly, ask whichever girl you meet first exactly what you would like to know: “I saw you and noticed your sexy and fierce walk. What’s up? I would love to talk for a while and learn more about you.”
Then, regardless of her reaction, keep talking to every other pretty girl that you see. This will help you gather up some experience very quickly. You’ll master brand new tactics much faster compared to everybody else who is trying to learn them.
You will feel like a winner because of the great vibes that you give by being interested in others – at least! Plus, you will get used to meeting women and talking to them, no matter what mood you’re in – good or bad, alone or with a group, learning new tactics on female psychology or waiting to get to a toilet.
Stress? How the heck can you feel stress if you’re talking to at least 10 gorgeous women every day? Exactly. There is no way you can. 😉
How Can I Get Her Into My House… And Into My Room?
“My question has to do with this girl that I proposed to several months ago. She said she was dating somebody else that time, though. She’s the kind of girl who loves to give excuses each time I ask her out. However, there’s this one thing that I love about her: she tries to call me over the phone every single day. I eventually proposed my love to her and she responded normally. I constantly try to get her into my house, but she always has an excuse not to or doesn’t show up. I don’t know what’s going on. Is she playing hard to get with me?” – Joe B. from Trent, TX
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
If your dates were getting refused, you shouldn’t have proposed. That’s the same as reaching for her sensitive parts after she brushes away a kissing attempt. It’s just far too fast. Keep things gradual.
Women, like cats, get scared away by fast movements, so take things step by step while getting to know her more. The same goes for actually meeting up with her, too.
Before meeting a girl for your date, call her up to make sure she actually shows up. If she doesn’t and you do, she will get a massive hold on you. However, if you find out whether the date is or or not – or cancel it prior to showing up – you can still save yourself.
(This is important since human relationships depend on a power see-saw. The more power she has inside, the less power you will have. And this means that you will look less attractive to her in the end.)
The trick to this is to call her around an hour before the day and say, “Hi, something’s up so I’m running a bit late and won’t get there before 5.30” (or 15 minutes post-agreed time anyway).
If she says “Alright”, you’re great since that showed her how extremely busy you are. Plus, you will know for sure that she will be there. And, if she had plans of ditching you, she will need to mention it now. She might come up with an excuse, but it would be much better for you to get a canceled date instead of getting stood up. Try it. 🙂
How Can I Let Go And Just Enjoy The Moment?
“I need some help since I seem to be far too analytical sometimes… I honestly have no idea if it’s because I don’t want something to let go or because I want to reach the root of the problem, tear it open and find a solution to fix it every single time – most of all when I talk to my girlfriend. And even though our relationship is good, I’m worried that this could lead to our demise because I bore her with my overthinking.
Another thing is I want to become more fun, open and friendly, but so far, I have only learned to have fun. Yesterday, for example, I talked to some friends at the mall while in my Sunday church clothes (because, yes, I got to church lol 😉 and busted out into small dance moves. We ended up having some fun. Also, several weeks ago, at church, a guy and I started acting as if we were dancing in a club. It was a real blast because we knew we could get into trouble. 🙂 Anyway, do you have advice on opening up and examples on how to be more outgoing and fun in order to reel people in?
See – this will sound incredibly lame, but it makes sense – if I become better (without my girlfriend finding out) at dating and sleeping with other women, my relationship will get stronger because I’ll get to un-kink most of my problems like being too logical and over-analyzing things, so I can enjoy myself more and become a more fun person around everyone, in general.
Oh, and lastly… It came to my attention the other day that, by learning from you, it isn’t about tactics, skills, or pickup lines, but un-kinking the quirks and using your teachings to become less insecure and more complete as a person. I also learned that it’s alright to fail every once in a while in order to learn more, like going to Walmart and the mall in my suit and tie yesterday. I used to be very uncomfortable doing that outside of church, but walking around in it made me more comfortable and made me see myself differently. It made me realize how much better I look than others and, in turn, made me feel much better. :)” – Paul L. from Montgomery, AL
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
Learning about getting better with women is all about unlearning the bad habits more than it is about learning good, new habits. See, whenever you learn to actually let go and enjoy those inhibitions with women, you will be much happier in the end and become more successful with women.
Like your dancing, for instance. Whenever you learn to just let go and enjoy your dancing for the sake of enjoying it, you will end up feeling much better about self-expression through dance – and with other people. Additionally, this free expression happens to be extremely attractive in the eyes of women – because of dominance, naturally! 🙂
So, how can you let go? Easy: concentrate on place and person details around you. Focus on little things as opposed to the whole thing. Also, train your brain to live in the moment as opposed to worrying about things in the past and the future. I know this answer sounds so “new age”, but it’s true. Try it.
How Can I Meet Her If She’s With Her Friends Or Family?
“How do you deal with the situation when the friends or brothers or mother of the girl you like is around? It’s easy to do this in a club because there are a lot of people there, but what if the girl is walking down the street with her friends or psychopath mother, what then?” – Nathaniel S. from Milton, BE
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
Earlier, I already gave a guy advice on how to deal with moms, so I’ll tell you a bit about dealing with family or friends. Basically, everybody needs to like you or respect you, at least, not to interfere whenever you want to be alone with your girl.
The easiest way to get this done would be to talk to everybody. Tell everybody your stories and spend the initial several minutes talking to the whole group as if they were a single person.
After things are cool with her brothers and family, you can begin paying more attention to the girl, in particular. Give yourself several minutes to talk to the entire group and personally pay more attention to her.
Then, ask if you can just borrow her for a while and grab her hand politely to show her something. Remain close to the whole group, though, so they aren’t worried about her being safe but get away far enough to talk in private. Then, escalate things physically and get her phone number as usual.
Provided you are fun and friendly to everybody else, only in rare occasions will the family stop you from taking her away. They love her, after all, and hope for her happiness with a nice guy.
So, prove to them that you are fun, cool and nice and they will like you so much, they won’t mind if you talk to her for a bit. Those are my rules, in general, anyway.
How Can I Overcome A Soft Voice When In Clubs?
“Hi Derek, here are my goals, questions and frustrations: my voice is kind of soft and quiet, so whenever I go to clubs, I have a hard time approaching women.” – Pedro P. from Antelope Ridge, NM
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
My friend Ricky went through the same thing. Although his voice isn’t exactly soft, it’s extremely deep and the loud music from the club speakers tends to drown it out. Because of this, he is forced to improve his body language by touching women more. See, when you touch women the right way, your words will become less important as a whole.
As a matter of fact, you can have light, substance-less conversations with a pretty girl and still take her home – provided you touch her properly and isolate her when you should.
Focus on the hands and arms first, then on the legs and waist. You should concentrate on the neck and face last. Also, make it a point not to touch her at higher levels before she gets very comfortable around your previous levels first. And keep things smooth. You have to isolate her from others, as well.
After you two start chatting well, steer her away from the friends she came with and say, “Hey, I have some friends who would adore you. Want to meet them?” or “Come here. I want you to see something.”
Since it is hard to hear your voice in clubs, this would be the perfect way to stand closer to her as you talk. 🙂 Use this to your full advantage.
How Can I Stop Cock-Blocking Wingmen?
“I truly appreciate your tips on dating – The Rake Letter is truly excellent reading. The tips really help in putting the girls at ease. Fortunately, I am lucky enough to know how to talk to strangers, most of all women, and how to get their numbers. My problem is that I have a friend – one who I have been friends with for more than 15 years now – who is a total cock-block. I was recently having a great talk with a beautiful, blonde, tall, hot girl. I got her phone number already and she already agreed to a date when my friend came over in a mean and negative way, telling her humiliating anecdotes about me. This mean behavior of his attracted her somehow and they’re dating now, though she sometimes calls me up to hang out. This isn’t the first time this has happened, either. As of late, whenever we are out together, he is mean to me whenever there are women present and it has really started to bug me. I always put him in a great light and I hate this pattern that I have come to notice. What can I do?” – Benjamin G. from Milwaukee, WI
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
That is definitely the effect I want to get from my dating advice – to help you show off your true natural self. After all, in a nutshell: it works.
To be honest, your friend appears to be a backstabbing asshole. Or, he might have wanted to out-alpha male you. Sorry if that’s harsh, but that’s the truth. You only have two options now, in my opinion:
- Talk to him about it. Directly ask him what you just asked me and wait for his answer. He might just be jealous because you’re so successful with the ladies.
- If this doesn’t bring about any results, leave him – or, at least, don’t bring him with you when you want to meet women. It sucks having to turn your back on an old friend, but if he acts that way with you, who needs enemies, right? With women, anyway. He might just act up when you’re out ‘hunting’, but he might still be a great bud anywhere else.
Hope this helped!
How Can I Stop Looking So Intimidating?
“For a few weeks now, I have wondered whether girls simply do not like me or if they are intimidated or scared of me. Either way, I’m going nuts, man. Whenever I talk to one, we eventually enter this stage of awkward silence and I ask why she suddenly stopped talking.
Usually, they say I’m too intimidating. I think that’s completely bull shit, but I don’t know anymore, man.
I have decent looks, I played football in college, I’m in shape – I don’t know what to do anymore. I have been reading your work and you’ve got some great shit, Derek. I can’t even disagree with any of it.
So, if you get this email, send me some advice, man. I would love to know what the hell I’m messing up here.” – Lee G. from Long Beach , CA
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
I bet you have no problem with dominance. Since you played college football, I can bet you’re in good shape, too. Plus, you admit you look good. So some things are going well with you. You even have social status. So, you should be able to see why women find you intimidating. You have the looks + the body + status = intimidating. The math is that easy. 😉 What you seem to be missing is quite simple: warm dominance.
In a nutshell, you have to be friendlier, so women will feel less intimidated, if at all. After all, women need to feel trust and attraction before they can fall for you. (If you’ve got Dark Triad characteristics, learn to hide them well.)
If you are intimidating, that means you are lacking in the trust department. To earn some trust, be playful, nice, protective and funny.
I have a friend called Reggie who is quite big and who women find intimidating – until he talks to them, that is. See, Reggie has this deep, soothing and low voice and he’s protective and quiet, too. Yes, he could definitely start some trouble with any guy if he wanted to, but he never does. He makes women feel at home.
So, try to change your overall energy.
If you don’t know what I mean, let me put it this way:
Don’t just seduce her in an animalistic manner, arouse her like the wind. Be protective, gentle and loving. This will make that intimidating trait of yours go away. 🙂
How Much Time Would Be Too Much Time?
“I am 29 years old and have only dated 17 different women because I get attached easily and end up dating each one longer. Whenever I’m single, I usually have around 6 women running after me until I date one and lose the others.
I suppose my greatest frustration when it comes to women would be that the minute I actually date one – and this is probably more my fault – is that they like me a lot and I end up spending a lot of time with them; then, the moment I fall for them after several months, they lose interest in me. It’s like they’re happier being with me in the beginning, but after I dedicate more time to them, they start feeling like I’m less special and get sick of me. I think this is because I appear to be needy by devoting a lot of time to them, but I find it very difficult to change this.
I mean, I’m already aware that I shouldn’t be dedicating so much time to them, so I know the problem is me and not them. So yes… very hard for me to deal with this.” – Carlos C. from Birmingham, AL
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
17’s a very good number. You’ve been doing well. Anyway, there is a very simple reason why these women are losing interest. You start things off by being the guy she cannot date. You are, therefore, unattainable.
The minute she wins you over, she becomes fascinated by the thought of taming you. After some time, this fascination wears off and she comes to notice that you’re just another normal guy. This bores her and makes her move on. It’s an extremely common problem, so don’t worry about it.
All you have to do is make sure that, the minute you find yourself in a relationship, you stay sexual, passionate and dominant. Keep doing all of the things that you did when she wanted you to begin with.
The minute you turn into somebody else in her eyes, you will lose her interest. So, always be yourself and keep the special stuff about you to yourself and you will be alright. And if she’s losing interest and you want it back, read this.
There Is So Much Info. Where Do I Start?
“I read your last issue of The Rake Letter and have to say that I was thinking about frustration, too, mainly because you offer up so much information that my mind is swamped and I lose track and get left behind.
I really love your stuff, but I try to eat everything up the minute I get the material, so I really want you to make a sequence available from your material – what to do first, what to do next, etc. I just feel like I’m jumping around without a foundation to work on. I hope you understand this and perhaps have something ready that you can show me – maybe a description or list of your material, so I can get the game going.
The women out there are really missing out without me and I don’t want to deprive them of this particular love machine much longer.” – Timothy L. from Manteo, NC
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
Well, I sure don’t want to keep the ladies waiting. So, here is the exact sequence I would suggest you use if you have never used my tips before:
- Read the newsletters. Print some out and encircle parts you want to try. Literally. Because if you don’t make a commitment now, you will probably…
- Try something different with the ladies – every single day. Say something new. Touch her differently. And this is where these free newsletters will truly shine. See, every time I teach a lot of new things with each email, you will never feel the need to get creative before coming up with brand new tactics for yourself. Simply borrow mine. After all, I promise they work. 🙂
- Download Shogun Method. This is the best course out there on how to meet women. End of story. A lot of men say the exact same thing, so even if you take some time to go on Google, you will find a lot of men bragging about this course. Although you might not be aware of this, I get around four emails every day that tell me how Shogun Method really changed their life. So I wouldn’t recommend this unless I knew it was great at getting better with the ladies. Nothing will even come close.
- Speak to ten new women every day. This is easy. Start by asking what the time is. And keep doing this with every new woman. By the end of it, you will want to ask more things and talk about other things, too. So do that. Use everything I have taught so far and bam! You’ll meet ten new women every day. This means that you will get a ton of new dates and numbers, too.
- Learn about how to make a girl fall in love with you with the basics – the IRAE Model!
Sure, you will screw up several times in the beginning, but who cares? You’ll learn from those mistakes and get invaluable experiences out of them – priceless things. So just dust it off and stand up again. 🙂
Just go on from there and do everything over again. Read the Rake Letter. Try new tactics. Look at other programs that would fit your sticking points at the moment. And keep talking to more women every day. It will become a lifestyle from there – a habit and a hobby. And you will turn into a guy who simply knows more about women overall. It’s a great change and, provided you follow these steps, you will succeed.
What Should I Do If I’m Already Good-looking?
“I have no trouble whatsoever admitting that I can succeed with my good looks alone, but I want to quit depending on my looks to win a girl over. After I open up, I know that I need to keep going – which is what my biggest problem is. Sometimes, I am capable of going on because of the girl’s energy, but if she isn’t energetic enough, I find myself facing a stone wall. Do you have any answers or suggestions for me? That would be great.” – Monty G. from Walpole, MA
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
What’s wrong with putting your looks to good use? They were given to you as a gift; you might as well use them.
As for the “stone wall”, I’m guessing you are simply lacking in the conversational department. Fortunately, there is an easy fix for this:
Simply put threading to use. For instance, if a girl is talking about how her grandfather grows apples, you should follow up what she says with something about apples or your own grandfather. That’s how easy conversation actually is.
Naturally, many more advanced hints and tricks exist out there, but these are the most basic ones that will help you a lot in overcoming that “stone wall” feeling of yours.
Where Can I Find Girls Who Will Like The Real Me?
“I have some frustrations and questions that I hope you can shed light on. I am 33 years old and quite inexperienced with the ladies, though I have dated a couple of girls. The thing is: I went back to college to finish my college degree and, being more mature, I get more attention than I did in the last decade. How should I handle haters – those guys who resent me because of my success? And how can I find and spot top quality girls who don’t just want to hook up and actually want the real me? Additionally, how can I have multiple relationships with such girls all at once? I basically want to make lost time up and see what it would be like to date several girls of top compliance. Thank you and your newsletters are awesome.” – Robert B. from Spokane, WA
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
For your first question: be a friend, not an enemy. Haters will always be haters. But if you turn them into friends, they can be a great help at meeting girls instead of a hindrance.
Secondly, hookups like you, too, and the only way a girl will like you is for the real you. Simply put: if she hooks up with you because you are rich, she will still rationalize this and say she likes the real you.
Basically, every woman out there is a top quality woman who likes the real you. The mere changes lie here:
- Her fit with your personality that will make her top-notch.
- How you perceive her love. The actual problem is the way you think women think. You believe the things that the majority of men believe – that hookups aren’t actual attractions. Well, that’s bullshit. If you have sex, that means you were attracted to one another.
To change your beliefs quickly, take a look at Shogun Method or let experience cure them. As for dating several girls at once, I’ll cover that later on.