How Can I Stop My “Neediness”?
“Hi Derek. I haven’t checked my email for several weeks and I have a question for you. As of late, I have transcended my personal approach anxiety. I’m 31, after all, so I figured it was time to. However, I now have a huge problem: how can I transcend my shark vibe or neediness? I have come to notice that whenever I approach someone I am interested in, she instantly talks to someone else. It’s usually always the same. Every time I’m with a friend and approach a woman, she wants to talk to him instead of to me. I think this may have something to do with my neediness or because he’s funnier in conversation. Please, if this is an interesting problem, answer this email in your next pack. I humbly think that a lot of people are going through the same thing, while others might not even realize there’s an unconscious problem there.” – Duane G. from Greenbelt, MD
Derek Rake’s Answer:-She might be talking to your friend because of his sense of humor, but she might also be talking to him because you are too needy. You won’t know until you ask. But if you ask, you could lose her. So, instead, concentrate on these two things:
- Be dominant. I have mentioned this tons before, so read this entire article – “How To Be Dominant With Women“. And if you are dominant enough…
- Here is how you can get rid of that neediness. First and foremost, let’s talk about what neediness actually is. Neediness occurs whenever a woman can tell that you want something out of her. This kind of desperation reeks from salesmen who want to sell you things during the day. In a nutshell, it makes people uncomfortable and is off-putting, in general. So, how can you eliminate it? It’s easy:
Stop concentrating on getting her into bed. Instead, concentrate on ways in which to contribute to her, as well, as how you can help with her sexual feelings. Simply reframe several things inside your head:
You have to realize how much women actually love sex. As a matter of fact, a female orgasm is more satisfying for women than a whole lifetime of sex is for men. So, whenever you have sex, she isn’t presenting you with a gift. It doesn’t cost anything to her because she enjoys it. Tons.
Keep in mind that sex is merely a rare moment wherein two people meet up and both leave much happier than as they were on their own.
You also have to keep in mind that whether you have sex with her tonight doesn’t matter since, the moment you click, you can get her number and take her out on a date. Eventually, you will have sex.
Also keep in mind that there are many other fish in the sea. So, if you get blown off, who gives a crap? Go meet someone else you can get along with better.
Remember all of these things whenever you go out and you will get rid of that neediness in no time. 🙂
How Come I Get Bored With Girls?
“How come, whenever I meet a hot girl, I lose interest in her very quickly and the entire atmosphere suddenly gets boring – most of the time, anyway? We might have a good time for a few days, but then all of the joy and all of the emotions just disappear.” – Jim E. from Somerville, NJ
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
Hundreds of guys have this problem, but the majority of them don’t ask about it. The answer is very simple:
You have to have sex with these girls faster. That boredom that you feel is the feeling of becoming another friend as opposed to a lover. She feels it and you feel it. So, unless you boost the sexual tension between you – and fast – you’ll get bored in no time. The girls that aren’t boring are those that are truly into you. 😉
If A Woman Doesn’t Find Me Attractive, Will She Still Sleep With Me?
“If a woman doesn’t find me attractive, will she still sleep with me?” – Jayden G. from Seattle, WA
Derek Rake’s Answer:-Yup. It’s known as the game of objection. But there is no way I’m allowed to speak about it in this short answer. It’s something we could get into trouble for by talking about it and MKDELTA group members will be extra pissed at me because of it. Email me if you want to know more… you know where to find me.
I’m Not Good Looking Or Rich And She Happens To Be A Model. Why Would She Be Interested In Me?
“I like this friend of a friend who’s a model, but I don’t have a car, a job or money; I live in a dinky apartment; and I’m not even studying just yet (though hopefully will be in the following semester). This is why I have trouble talking to her a lot of the time. I kind of feel like she should be with somebody else rather than with me and it’s frustrating.
I know that a lot of regular guys sleep with high echelon chicks out there, but I always end up comparing myself to people I know who have cars and money and shit.” – Luis S. from Hemlock, NY
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
I‘m sure you have already heard the whole “confidence will get you everywhere” spiel a lot and I’m sure that hasn’t help you a bit. So, here are the basics:
Guys fall for girls who are hot. But, conversely, girls fall for guys who have a high degree of status and dominance… with an abundance of alpha male characteristics. Now, although you might not have any status or looks, you can sure as hell be as dominant as you want to be.
Now, when it comes to confidence with women, just keep in mind that a ton of gorgeous girls out there today are dating ugly guys – you must have noticed this several times. If those guys happened to be rich, kudos to them. But I’m willing to bet they were more dominant than anything else.
So, be a leader. Take full control. Make every decision whenever she’s around. Be warm, protective and dominant, and you will never have to worry about anything more because she will definitely find you attractive by then.
The Magic Ingredient of Seduction
Last Saturday, Mr X (of “The Player’s Guide” fame) came up to Singapore and we caught up over tea on a sidewalk cafe on Orchard Road.
He told me this story about two guys, Mark and Sam, who he coached in his super-exclusive, $3,997-a-year Player’s Guide Inner Circle in Santa Monica.
“Mark looks like a smelly bum off the back alley in the slums of Compton, no sh*t,” Mr X says. “And he’s not exactly super smooth either.”
“Well, at least he could pay you nearly four grand a year for coaching,” I replied.
Mr X laughed out loud. “He works as a computer techie, and he earns some $30,000 a year. Not exactly a baller, you know. But setting aside a few bucks out of that per year to sort his life out is a no-brainer.”
I nodded, knowing how much value Mr X provides for his Inner Circle clients.
Mr X continued, “Sam, who hailed from up north in Brentwood, is nowhere better than Mark. He’s really not much of a looker, and perhaps worse, he’s a janitor at one of the malls in downtown Santa Monica. But there’s something about him that makes him a little different…”
The one little thing that made all the difference!
“Mark thinks that his failure of women is because that he’s a nerdy IT techie, and the fact that he stammered when he got nervous.
“When he joined us only last month, he told me that it’s hard for him to get ahead because he thinks that he is not attractive nor rich.”
“This is typical,” I replied. “Many of my clients think that too. That’s before they stumbled upon the Shogun Method, or a simple covert seduction technique like fractionation, where I busted all the common misconceptions that a guy would have, and completely reframed their perceptions about women.”
Mr X laughed again. “Of course, your course is strictly required in my Inner Circle. In fact, the other guy Sam, who I made to read your book *5 times* before I let him loose.”
“The difference between Sam and Mark is that Sam actually looks forward to meeting women. He is a naturally fun guy, and likes to flirt with women. Instead of focusing on his negatives, he focuses on what he likes about himself.”
“No prizes for guessing who’s bagging the chicks then,” I smiled.
Mr X replied, “It’s Sam, of course. Mark’s still learning the ropes, and I don’t blame him. He has been meeting lots of female players who are out for nothing but emotional validation. But Sam is having the time of his life, already seeing many beautiful women.”
“I can totally relate to Mark though,” I said. “I used to keep thinking about the things about myself which I totally hate. I thought that I had to perfect myself even before I should go out and make my first approach.”
“That’s a common mistake, ” Mr X offered, “And, you’re not alone in this. Guys actually think that you have to have certain traits in order to make women like them.”
“Money, muscles and more money!” I said with a chuckle.
Mr X turned serious. “It’s the lie of the century. You absolutely do not need money and good looks to get a good girl to like you.”
The Magic Ingredient Of Seduction
“I remembered that when I focused on my negatives, my mood turned bad. Being bitter and resentful, I sent out terrible vibes to the women that I meet, ” I said. “I can’t say that I was totally surprised when they rejected me!”
“But as I learned the stuff from the Zen Master, I was able to become more positive. Just like your student Sam,” I continued. “And guess what, dude. The results that I got was amazingly fast!”
Mr X remarked, “That’s what I call the Magic Ingredient of Seduction. I don’t want to sound like a pseudo-science nut, but positivity really attracts positivity. On the other hand, if you’re negative, don’t be surprised that only negative women flock to you.”
I laughed, “How true. I remembered that only thrashy women wanted to sleep with me. Geez.”
Mr X smiled. “I tell my Inner Circle clients that whenever they feel good about themselves, then women will naturally notice them. And once they master up the female psychology techniques I share with them in the Inner Circle, women will naturally be attracted to them.”
I nodded in full agreement.
How Can I Escape A Slump?
“I’ll try and keep things simple. To start off, I want to say ‘thanks’ – genuinely – for helping me reach the place I am in now (although I haven’t quite reached the place I hope to be in just yet) and for giving me hope by showing me how possible it is to reach my goals when it comes to women, no matter what society says about apparent limits in life. Shogun Method has been a huge help with my understanding and desired mindset, and although I can’t really understand it all (otherwise I’d be as great as you, I believe), I definitely feel much more enlightened about how I should think and what I should do.
Just so you know, I’m 20 and was born in the UK though am actually Indian by blood. I’m in the University of East Anglia studying psychology. I personally think that being a bit on the shorter side and of an obvious minority has made things a bit more challenging for me. However, I still look forward to becoming amazing with the ladies, so I can be living proof for everybody else that they can be great, no matter how limiting their personal beliefs might be.
Here are my frustrations and goals. I wish to find out exactly what needs to be done to bring about attraction in every girl that ‘I’ like, yet in a way that respects my identity, my values, and myself at the same time.
I wish to find a certain personal ‘style’, as well as an attractive ‘mindset’ without seeming non-genuine or fake (I don’t want to wear insane clothes to get into the spotlight or become incredibly social every time when I’m actually a bit of an introvert, for example). Right now, I have no idea which personal ‘side’ will bring about the greatest results and I’m always in conflict with myself on how to act in different situations (like pretending not to really like her and show her I’m very cocky). I know every person has a different style, so I how can I find my own? Tons of conflicting information seems to exist out there. I wish to learn the things I need to do (the actions I need to follow, the thoughts I have to think) to get the greatest results with the girls and with people, in a general sense.
I want to meet cool and really great people who can come into my life in a positive manner and teach me different things and who really want to hang out with me and will respect me, most importantly. Specifically, how to make a girl like you for real?
I want to meet girls at clubs and bars and during the day in campus without getting a bad reputation at school. I also want to get a social status there so I can get invited to awesome events and parties. I also want girls to ‘run after’ me.
I basically want to be somebody that other people will idolize for being a ‘great guy’ as opposed to a ‘player’. These past several weeks have been a slump for me, Derek, and I have trouble escaping it. Your email truly came at an opportune moment for me. Take care, thank you for reading this, and I hope to meet you sometime.” – Chella P. from London, UK
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
Hi, thank you for all your compliments. 🙂 And yes, keep studying Shogun Method. It isn’t the kind of course that should be taken lightly and only read once. And yes, if you have a deep understanding in your identity’s core, I am sure you’ll be as great with women as I am, though probably much better since I am just a regular-looking dude with a cool job that women shouldn’t even know about..
A short height will always be a disadvantage. The same goes for being part of a minority of any race. I have come to notice that Indians, most of all, get treated roughly by women. However, I do know several short guys – like Pankaj Kumar, who is 5’2″ at most – who dominate when it comes to women. I also have a few Indian friends that are great with girls. So, these hurdles can definitely be overcome with ease. Now here is a short chat on each frustration of yours.
- I think it’s strange when guys claim to “want to attract different girls without conflicting their beliefs and morals” since having strong beliefs, convictions and morals you won’t break for absolutely anything happens to be incredibly attractive in the eyes of women. It also happens to be a precursor to strong visions, and powerful visions can make gorgeous women incredibly attracted to you.
- I have actually already given out some good mindset suggestions in the previous email answer. Focus on “Why is she unique” to get good results. You will end up really liking her and, when matched with vision, you will be completely unstoppable.
- Game both sexes. This might sound a little gay, but it’s true. Talk to more guys to make more friends, most of all guys that are good with women or hope to be. You will learn a lot by hanging out with them and they will even rub off on you, so you can pick up their energy and mindsets, in turn becoming better with the ladies yourself.
The rest of your objectives appear to be linked to being great with women and having good friends who idolize and respect you. These objectives are both great and if you have your head on right, you can reach them with no problems whatsoever.
If you want to escape your slump, though, here is a great trick of mine: imagine yourself already out of your slump. Imagine how you would be acting in such a case and give yourself those feelings now.
The secret here would be to notice the small details in what you visualize, like the feeling of the air on your skin, the sparkle of the girl’s eyes in front of you, and the texture of whatever clothes you’re wearing.
This will really drive your emotions home and make them effective. Do this for half an hour every day for around three weeks. Trust me. You will be out of your slump before long.
How Can I Express The Different Sides Of My Personality?
“I have noticed something clever about this woman I hooked up with once. I visited her once and she’s the kind of woman who doesn’t really talk about how she feels (she says what she likes, but not what she feels) and if you ask her anything, she won’t talk about how she feels, either. Then I came to notice something. I have no idea what made her say this, but she mentioned that she had three people inside of her (she talked like they weren’t exactly her). This sounds psychotic, but I swear this girl is great at mind games (she’s a psychology student) and has a ton of male friends. She said one was spontaneous, the other was relaxed and the last loved challenges. I knew this was crap because she asked me which one I wasn’t and which one I was. She was indirectly trying to tell me which one she was. Is this how I should convey my own feelings?” – Levi S. from Florence, AL
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
This girl is great with guys because her emotions are flexible. Basically, whoever can react with more emotional flexibility within situations becomes more dominant. So, being proactive with feelings, as opposed to reactive, will always make you dominant.
You mentioned she had three different emotional sides to herself. So, whenever she had a situation in front of her, she had the ability to look through those three sides until she found the greatest way to fix the problem. (Yes, think of it as a female version of the infamous Dark Triad.)
Since she had no attachments to any particular result, why she could go with anything and work to solve her problems instead of concentrating on the actual problem itself. This is what you need to develop within yourself.
Whenever something bad happens or any situation that requires emotions comes up, step back a bit. Think that everything will be cool, no matter what happens and think about the different ways to look at the problem to get better solutions.
Remember: being angry or mad, or unemotional or bored will not always bring about the greatest results. You have to look at problems through various world views and focuses before coming up with the greatest solution.
If you are emotionally flexible, you will be able to do that. Meditation can help tons here, as well as experience and practice. Try all of them combined. 🙂
How Can I Turn The Things That I Have Learned Into Something More Permanent Inside Of Me?
“1. Is it possible to practice drills alone without anybody else?
2. How can I turn the things that I have learned into something more permanent inside of me?” – Walter L. from Newport, AR
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
The answer to that is simple yet profound: Practice And Practice Some More.
I’m not telling you to spend hours of your day talking to all of the women out there (read: including ones you aren’t interested in), just to learn more on meeting them. No. Just pick a few women to talk to per day. Maybe 25. And pick ones that you actually find attractive.
Approach them. Use what I have taught to open, thread and chat, touch and physically escalate and get her number.
Regardless of what happens, move through those awkward phases because in only several days (much less than a week), you will be more excited, instead of nervous, about this due to how fun and easy meeting women actually is.
This isn’t scary or nerve-racking, unless you simply aren’t used to talking to strangers. So get more comfortable with chatting and move to ask for her number. Then, keep those skills warm by continuing to talk to attractive women.
The truth is: this is the greatest practice you can get out there. Soccer and saxophone practice won’t give you sex in the end, after all, right? 😉
Stuck At The Game Of Seduction? Read This.
Trust me, I know exactly how it feels like when you’re totally bummed out in your quest to become better with women. I have been there before, buddy. But I can offer you the following advice – the things that I wished someone have told me when I was stuck.
- Your ‘game’ is who you are. While modeling against successful people is often a good way to expedite your progress, try to carve a niche of your own. Learning routines such as “sexual value elicitation” and the October Man Sequence will do you no good if you’re not congruent.
- Do an inventory of the materials that you have, and test them to see which works. And stick with the stuff that works.
- Accept and acknowledge your situation. Know that you won’t be in this moment for long, as long as you do something about it.
- Know that the Game is not be all and end all. Know what you want to become at the end of the process. Realize that seduction is not only about getting laid, but to attain a higher quality of life experience as a man.
- Don’t become frustrated and angry – with the woman, or with yourself. Allow yourself to evolve and accept the situation as part of a learning and enriching experience.
Embrace the situation… and then let go. That is the essence of the mastery of seduction.
How Come I Felt More Successful When I Was Already Taken?
“I still face problems when it comes to women. I sometimes meet one with whom I connect with really well and then, the next time we meet, the connection is suddenly gone. Why are my results so inconsistent?” – Jesse G. from Chicago, IL
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
There are two reasons why you are more successful when you are taken:
- Thanks to biology, women prefer the men that the competition likes.
- Whenever you have a girlfriend, you tend to portray dominance while having outstanding body language because you don’t feel the need to impress other women nor do you have the innate goal to talk to one.
(To sidetrack a little, this is also why some men prefer married women.)
So, to improve your overall results tonight, set a different goal for a change. Instead of aiming to sleep with a woman, aim to simply talk to one.
Also, relax more. This will help you give off better body language, too.