On Wednesday I had gone to visit the Zen Master in the leafy suburbs of Beijing, where we spent an hour in his serene yard enjoying Lapsang tea and talked on our favorite topic of the psychology of seduction and influence.
“Derek, I want to share with you today a magic ingredient for creating strong attraction,” said the Master.
I listened intently.
“Perhaps not surprisingly, this method is also used by women on men. But before I tell you about the method, let me first tell you about something that happened to me twenty-five years ago.”
“Back in high school I knew this guy Rick who claimed that he was dating a model four years older than him. He wasn’t particularly good looking, and he wasn’t very rich either. So, we all had problems believing Rick. Instead, he was mercilessly laughed at every time he mentions about his ‘model girlfriend’.”
“So in order to prove to everyone that he indeed was dating the model, he threw a house party and promised that his ‘girlfriend’ would be there. We had wanted to expose him of the lies that he has been telling. I wanted to prove to myself that he was just imagining things.”
My curiosity was piqued. “So was she real?”
The Master paused for a second.
“Yes, she was indeed real. In fact, she was a downright stunner – a redhead with a slim, curvy figure with an angelic, pixie-like face. I was stumped.”
“Rick, however, was not really “dating” her. Whenever I mentioned his name, she would either roll her eyes or just act uninterested.”
I asked, “Why is that so?”
The Master smiled. “I’ll tell you later. Meanwhile, we were ‘getting it on’ a little. But at the back of my head, the fact that she already has a boyfriend kinda bugged me.”
SORRY, YOU ARE NOT MY IDEAL MAN
“She pulled her lips from mine, and said: I like you, but Mr X, I can never break up with Rick for you.”
“I asked her why. And she said that I was not her ideal man.”
I asked, “So did you ask her what her ideal man is like?”
“Yes, she told me even before I asked. She said that I was not romantic, did not buy her gifts nor try to understand her problems. She said that she knew that I was totally not capable of doing those things. Not like Rick. As far as seducing her was concerned, I was completely stuck.”
The Master leaned forward. “So what would the Zen Seducer do in this kind of situation?”
I tried to chip in with my two cents worth. “He will tell her that the deal is off.”
The Master smiled. “Exactly. But remember that this happened way before I started to get any good at this. So, instead of running as fast as I could from her, I attempted to live up to her standards and started doing all the things she asked and expected me to do.”
“So did you end up winning her over in the end?” I asked.
He laughed. “Of course not!”
“So what happened then?”
“It would seem that whatever I did, she wasn’t satisfied. And the funny thing is that I found myself attracted to her even more. It was crazy.”
He shook his head. “Derek, don’t do what I did. Unless you are a real sucker for pain!”
I thought for a moment. “I think most guys would have had gone through this before.”
“Yes. That is why the lesson today is invaluable – and is a must-know for every man who wants to be good with women.”
WHAT’S THE LESSON TO BE LEARNED HERE?
The Master took a deep breath. “Here’s a simple fact about female psychology. Whenever you imply to another person that she is not living up to your standards, you create emotional tension inside her body. This tension remains unresolved – until she lives up to the standards that you set them.”
I tried to build on his idea. “So what I do is to come up with my own standards and expect women to live up to them instead.”
He nodded. “Exactly. It depends on what you want in a girl. Want a girlfriend? Then set your girlfriend standards. Want a short-term fling? Then do the same.”
“Strangely, the higher standards you set, the better quality women you will attract.”
“So let’s say I’ve got my three standards. What do I do then?” I asked.
“Whenever you talk to women,” said the Master, “convey that you are not willing to give up on these standards – not even an inch. Challenge them to meet your standards.”
“But what if they don’t?” I pondered.
The Master smiled. “Then tell her that you will walk.”
“Demonstrating the ability to walk away is another highly attractive trait in a man – but we will save this for our next meeting next week… where I will also teach you a particularly effective covert seduction technique on how to keep a woman interested.”