How Can I Become More Confident Around Other Men?
“I have no intentions of picking up men. I am just hoping my subject title stands out so you can give me some advice for my situation. My question is: I have a problem with being confident and dominant when it comes to work, so can you help me make a change here?” – Brendan J. from Sperry, OK
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
I honestly think that you are completely misinterpreting each situation. I think you’re a real fighter, and you have told me before that your confidence revolves solely on how great you are at work. This is why you need to keep these two things in mind:
1. There is no need to be more dominant or confident compared to other men in the vicinity – at least, not all the time. If you are a real fighter around other confident fighters all day every day, then that’s the only confidence you will need.
Never forget how one-of-a-kind you are – that you have personal strengths and talents, as well as weaknesses and flaws. So, simply because there are other dominant and confident men out there doesn’t mean that they are more so than you.
Sure, when meeting women, the most dominant man there will win lots of points. However, constantly comparing yourself to them will instantly place you on a level below them.
Accept the fact that other men are confident and simply be as confident as you can be.
Having said that, let’s not diminish the importance of knowing how to be dominant with women – this knowledge is important, make no mistake about it.
2. This is where I believe you have misdiagnosed yourself. Simply because you make mistakes doesn’t necessarily men that you are a mistake, too. Although this might not make sense to everybody else, you need to keep reading that sentence over and over.
Simply because you screwed something up doesn’t mean that you are a complete screw up.. So, never let these screw ups have anything to do with how you perform in the future.
Good luck, and do email me again with details on how things worked out. Besides, I don’t always get emails from fighters. That’s really just far too cool.
How Can I Gain My Confidence Back?
“I really hope you can help me with my problem. A few years back, I was great at attracting and meeting women. I lived in this apartment where new chicks would come and go. I was a waiter who dated all of the waitresses and customers, and I always had women around me – all day. My confidence was great and I was never scared to approach women. All of this changed when I moved to live with my cousin in a new state and worked with him. I eventually got a girlfriend and quit picking up other women. I had no idea that I would lose my skills by doing that. I’m single again now – no woman, back in the old city. I work from home and live with my little brother. I don’t see women until I go to the library or a store. And, when I do see one, I always think, “Go over there and do your thing.” But I don’t remember how to. I think I was just confident and now that trait is gone. I end up just standing there or smiling – nothing more. It’s strange because I can’t get the old me back – the guy who would pick up several girls every Friday night whenever he wanted to. My brother has no social skills, either, and I can see myself slowly turning into him. Sadly, all of the friends I have have no skills and are either losers or husbands. Derek, I need my mojo back! How to make a girl like you when you’re not that confident?”– Alejandro W. from Pueblo, CO
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
In a nutshell: you didn’t lose it. Seriously. Are you any different from the old you? Does any recent life experience of yours suddenly make you unattractive to women? Did a bit of you just leave? No. You’re simply out of practice; that’s all. Fortunately, this is easy to fix. All you need is elbow grease and the power to laugh – at yourself.
Begin by talking to women you find attractive and trust that you will somehow remember the right thing to do. You might fail the first time. However, after several of these blow offs, you are sure to see results. You might even just laugh things off.
Walk up to a girl and say, “You look really sexy. I’m afraid I’m not very smooth, but I felt this sudden urge to approach you.” Make sure you smile and relax. I promise you will be alright. 🙂
How Should I Hold A Girl’s Hand?
“I don’t know why but something doesn’t feel right whenever I try to hold a girl’s hand. I feel like I’ll get rejected – that she’ll drop my hand if I make my move or some shit. Anyhow, how do I know if she is playing hard to get?” – Bert P. from Whitestone, NY
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
Looks like we have the same history. You know how my techniques work and you know how you can meet women. Your email is mere proof that meeting these women truly is about mind over matter. As a matter of fact, I’m willing to bet that you can be completely unstoppable after you pass by this particular roadblock. Here’s what you should do:
When crossing the road, take her hand and protect her through traffic by leading her through it. The first two times you do this, drop her hand afterwards, but after the third time, don’t let go of her hand.
This always works; it’s like magic. I’m looking forward to hearing another story of success from you. 🙂
How To Be More Confident Around Women
In this blog post, I am going to share with you the easiest way I know of that can quickly build your self confidence with women.
This method is ‘visualization‘. Now before you think you have heard it all before or have tried it but it didn’t work for you, just hear me out here.
Now let me first explain to you why visualization works, if you are not convinced. You see, the mind cannot tell the difference between ‘real‘ and ‘imagined‘ experience.
So, if you imagine something vividly enough, your mind will believe it to be REAL.
How do we use this then? Easy. Just ‘trick’ your mind to believe that you are super confident when you interact with women.
This method has been tried, tested and proven, so don’t be concerned.
You see, most people who tried this technique do it wrongly. The correct way to visualize is to BE part of the experience. See everything with your own eyes.
Bottom line – DON’T BE AN OBSERVER. Be *IN* the visualization.
So, if you want to practice approaching a woman, SEE the woman in front of you. YOU are INSIDE your body. In other words, DON’T watch a ‘movie’ of you approaching that woman. Instead, look at the interaction through your OWN EYES.
It makes a whole world of difference!
I cover this technique in great detail in the “How To Seduce Out Of Your League” book from pages 12-16, where I outline a method which is deadly effective in getting confidence ‘on tap’.
Check out the technique (and many more other little known tricks which you can use to get better with women) here. Of course, if you’re somewhat advanced in your seduction then learn this technique instead.