How Can I Get Her On Her Own?
“Derek, I have definitely improved with the ladies compared to a year ago, but I still can’t get laid every single time, you know? Something always seems to get in the way. So, how can I change things from one point to another from being somewhere public to being somewhere private?
I currently live at home with my mom, so I can’t ask girls to come over. I don’t see real reasons to get a hotel room, either. The situation for that is never ideal. Cars don’t really seem to be suitable, either, most of all if we drive two different cars. Anyway, it’s a little hard to escalate things in one overall.
It would be great if you could give a separate answer on how to escalate things in cars.” – Peter B. from Schaumburg, IL
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
The more confident, the more comfortable and the more dominant you get around people, brand new doors will open in your life – and not just in meeting women. However, provided you want sex, it would be easier to help the majority of men through a dating advice package first with life advice coming in second. 😉
As for your question, getting girls in itself is easy. Just get her to trust you. After that, you will have no more trouble moving from one point to another. Besides, before you earn her trust, it will be practically impossible to do that anyway.
So, concentrate on touching her in a protective manner so that she feels safe with you. Talk about trusting and calm subjects, too, like both of your lives and current situations. Try not to talk about sex too much or about you liking her.
Try to escalate things physically instead and always be protective around her. That way, you won’t have any trouble moving her from one room to the next.
Tell her friends that you’ll be borrowing her for a while so that your friends can meet her and promise to return her as soon as possible. Or say something like, “Hey, I want to show you something. Come with me.” Then bring her to another place and show her something -that isn’t your penis, of course – preferably a person acting funny or who is dressed up. Be creative.
Now, for having separate cars and sleeping in yours, ask her to meet you somewhere in her car. She can then drop it off and you can drive someplace else to save on gas or to ensure that she doesn’t lose her way.
Just make sure you have good reasons on why she should leave her car somewhere and you’ll be alright. Escalate things as usual and you’ll have a convenient and nice place to seal the deal. 🙂
How Can I Get My Mojo To Return?
“I love your stuff and always read everything that you send, so thank you for that. Because of work and family problems, though, I haven’t been on a date or had a relationship in years (that’s no exaggeration!). Now that things have sort of let up a bit, I want to get back to the game somehow. Back in the day, I was pretty skilled, but I’m no longer as good now. I have above average looks, a great job, and no baggage whatsoever. But I am turning 40 in a week and now I think I might never get a girl again! I know that’s extreme, but failure makes the brain think of weird things. After all, I live near a college full of girls, but I still suffer – which is why my past failures are still affecting me. When I talk to girls, my mind goes, ‘Rob, you’ve sucked for years. How in the world will you win this one over?’ So, how can I circumvent my inside voices to bring about some type of success?” – Todd M. from Montreal, QC
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
I think you can actually benefit from an answer I already gave earlier. So, let me just summarize it again: the only thing preventing you from succeeding is your personal self-image. You keep telling yourself you’ll fail, which is why you do.
How Can I Know Whether She Likes Me?
“I haven’t really had any problems when it comes to girls. I’d say I’m attractive. I’ve been with girls but haven’t taken things up a level. One time, I really liked a girl and was playful with her. Later, she ended up liking me, but since I never made my move, she moved on. She left several weeks later and we kept in touch through email, but I email her more than she does. She invited me to a trip, but I’m not sure how she feels about me because we haven’t seen each other in a while. She’s not much of a dater, either, and has had only 2 boyfriends. How can I tell whether she likes me and how do I find out for sure? Also, it seems that I love someone who doesn’t love me back. What do I do? Thanks.” – Christopher H. from Austin, TX
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
You have a common question and sticking point here. So, I’m going to start with what’s common and move to your specific situation afterwards.
Alarms rang in my mind when you mentioned you email her more than she does. This shows that you do the majority of the work in your relationship and that you invest more in it. This, in turn, means that you get the least from it and she gets bored. You wouldn’t want this.
So, you have to use some more intrigue and sexual tension and a ton more of sexual language. Flirt loads. Forget to get in touch for a few days sometimes. Leave open-ended messages that will make her reply to learn more about them. Things like that are sure to even out the field more and make her crazy for you.
As for the main question of her liking you, well, yes, she does. She emails you. She goes out of her way to write messages. She takes time to spend on you.
This doesn’t exactly mean she’s obsessive, but it also doesn’t mean that she’s attracted enough to go out with your or sleep with you. It simply means that she is interested enough to keep communication lines open.
What you need to get is some compliance and you need to boost the sexual tension until you meet up, as well. In fact, you need a bit more sexual tension and more compliance. (Compliance will balance out the power, while sexual tension will ensure that you’re seen as more than a friend.)
Make her look for movie links for you or ask her questions that will require her to really think. But, most of all, make sure you work equally hard at making your relationship work, be it friendship or more. 🙂
How Can I Win Her Over From Somebody Else?
“I know this girl and I like her a lot. She reciprocates my feelings. She told me herself. We began talking around two weeks ago, then on Saturday, she began talking to someone else out of the blue.
I get jealous quite easily, but keep it to myself – is this a smart move? Also, what should I do if I want her to talk to me more? I like her a whole lot and want her to reciprocate the same amount of feelings. How do I know if she’s playing me?” – Curtis H. from Pavo, GA
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
I need you to accept the fact that you can’t always get the girl that you want. And you should know that she is allowed to talk to other people without it meaning anything. As a matter of fact, if she talks to you less, things will be much better for you. This is why:
When something is around all of the time, it loses its value. Like with your family, you take their unconditional love for granted because they are always there to talk to or see.
However, when something is only there every now and then, it becomes exciting and valuable, like an amusement park. You only ride roller coasters several times a year (a bit more, if you’re anything like me – an addict).
And since you don’t spend a lot of time there, it becomes an exciting and rare experience for you to cherish. The same goes for people that you see. Colleagues are taken for granted, while super model-like girls with huge tits that walk past only once in a while become valuable. Extremely valuable.
So don’t aim to be the guy she talks to more. Aim to be the guy who gets to sleep with her first instead because he is the one she will end up getting into a relationship with. I’m not sure why it works this way, exactly. (I have personal suspicions, but they’d at least fill up a whole book.) It simply does.
It has worked for me dozens of times now. I date someone. She starts seeing someone else. I sleep with her first and we end up together. Or sometimes, I date someone. She starts seeing someone else. They end up having sex first and then they date. (I learn they have sex because she tells me she’s no longer single before we get to have sex.) So aim to escalate things physically as fast as you can.
On your last question – here’s how to know if a girl is playing you.
How Can You Work Out What Really Works Without Waiting For A Reaction?
“I have come to notice that, when in the game and trying to work out what really works and what doesn’t, I seek for reactions a lot. I mean, the only way I can find out what works is through people’s reactions, after all. So, how can I get better without being reactive-seeking and at the same time look at the reactions of people to find out what works?” – Brandon W. from Anaheim, CA
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
I personally believe that being reaction-seeking isn’t as bad as the majority of gurus out there make it sound since, regardless of what you do, you look for reactions whenever you talk to someone – preferably a positive one. Maybe one where she falls for you and you end up happy. 😉 However, there is a particular kind of reaction-seeking that can ruin your chances of succeeding with women and this kind of reaction refers to seeking approval from others. The minute you let people tell you if you are alright or not the way you are, then you’re officially screwed. So, provided you don’t seek approval, judging if people found your joke or story funny is alright. As a matter of fact, this would be needed to get better with the ladies. After all, unless you learn from every girl that you talk to, you won’t get better than you are right now. You might even end up worse off because you will gain bad habits in your deeper subconscious. I appreciate that you wrote by the way. 🙂 It truly makes my day brighter to get questions like yours because they are good. They serve to be the reason why my answer is concise and short since I needed to figure out that question on my own several years back. So, months after wrestling with it, I have concluded that: Provided You Do Not Seek Approval, Looking For Reactions From Other People Isn’t Bad.
I Thought She Actually Liked Me, But It Turns Out She Was Seeing Someone Else
“I see her at the bar, but I meet up with some people first before going up to her. Then a guy shows up and hugs her from the back and she introduces him to me as a ‘great friend’. She gives him a drink and they kiss in front of me. This goes on all night.
It ended up totally screwing with my head, but I held on to my composure and pretended everything was fine. I stayed at that bar the whole night meeting new people, dancing with several girls and socializing with both of our friends. After I got home, though, I couldn’t fathom what had just happened. Had I completely misjudged the situation? Was she not interested in me at all? I have no idea what happened.
The following week, I saw her at the gym with him. We said hi to each other, but she acted all weird after that. When I was about to leave, she was at the exit but I just walked by her (this has nothing to do with her making out with the guy but more because she was acting weird earlier on and I didn’t really want to appear like a total stalker).
I saw her at the gym again the next day – alone this time. I waved from afar but didn’t bother to approach her until she left. I saw her there again after that and we made some small talk before I worked out – nothing more. What in the world is going on?” – Albert H. from Phoenix, AZ
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
I know there was much more to that situation and I read all of it – just so you know – but I’m only including the things above as a summary of what you’re going through.
Listen: she may be with another guy now, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that she never liked you. It simply means that he got her into bed first.
In plain English, single girls usually date several guys at a time. Or they at least have a ton of male friends who want them. This is where you come in. Something funny tends to happen after that, though. The first one who gets the girl into bed will be the one she officially dates.
I have no idea how or why this happens, but if you are interested in a girl who is currently dating around, you should make it a point to be the first one to get her into bed. To do this, pump up some sexual tension with awesome logistics.
Although you were flirting perfectly, you didn’t make the right moves. (I think you noticed this because you waited to meet up with her three times before getting her number.)
Also, if you are seeing a girl who is, in turn, seeing multiple guys, get ready to face the competition. (Fortunately, I’m on your side, so the competition is pretty much fucked. Ha ha.)