“Derek, my problem is that I always feel like I need female acceptance before getting comfortable around a girl. This means putting my heart out there, telling her how much I like her, opening up about my past and my absolute lack of experience with women. Of course, this paves the way to a good friendship, but never to a relationship. (I want to change ships – badly!)
Another problem I have would be my high standards. It may seem stupid because I’m not exactly hot (apparently, I’m Steve Buscemi’s lookalike) or rich. Still, the majority of women out there don’t really turn me on. They have to be aggressive or hot, look like sluts and ooze with pheromones. Some regular-looking or overweight girls have thrown themselves at me, but my libido simply doesn’t get going with them.
Of course, the majority of hotties out there bag better-looking guys than me who are confident and experienced. A decade ago, I briefly bagged some hotties (this was in NYC where anyone can get some) but came home to go to college without any luck whatsoever. I’m a decade older than everybody else on campus and have even been turned down my town ‘bicycles’.
Lastly, I have no idea what to say to women. I’m not a misogynist or a snob or anything, but the majority of them sound so uncultured. They all sound like they belong to a subculture and if you aren’t part of it, you need to leave. They’re only interested in what interests them. How can I get through those adult cliques?
Thank you for reading this Derek. I think your emails are really cool and they boost my spirits every day. I swear I’ll buy a book of yours once I get some money.” – Jerome S. from Koonda, VIC
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
I edited out the beginning of your email since it mentioned some sensitive things regarding your past. I’m sure you don’t want to share that much, right?
As for more information and books, just grab a copy of Shogun Method: it’s very cheap (for what it does for you!), but no rush there. Now down to the nitty-gritty of things: the answer to that first question of yours can be found earlier on in this email.
Basically, you have to “share” until you find a woman at the same emotional level as you or deeper. If you end up breaking down too early, you will reveal too much of yourself too soon. This scares the majority of women – and men – away.
Overall, you can fix this by meeting more women. However, for the first several big relationships, you have to play things by ear.
As for question number two, it seems that you have a messed up world view. You think women like men because of money and looks. Naturally, these things are important, but they don’t attract women. Looks and money show women how dominant you are and how much social power you have. And dominance is what attracts a woman – not his biceps, face or wallet.
So, concentrate on becoming more dominant around women, so you can get the best quality of women out there that you can. This will boost both your dominance and self-confidence at the same time, giving you license to meet hotter women. This cycle is great once you start rolling around it.
So, begin by focusing on sexual tension and dominance around women as opposed to trying to bag her through your funds and looks. With time, those things won’t mean a thing, provided you are dominant enough.
As for the final question, perhaps you are going to the wrong places to meet women. If you want to talk about Amartya Sen, you shouldn’t visit a strip club, so why go to a club if you’re looking for good conversation? Try meeting some women at bookstores or libraries instead. They will be more intelligent and well-read over there, trust me. Coffee shops are great places, too.
As a matter of fact, try meeting women when the sun is out instead of the moon. Different kinds of women tend to show up depending on where you go to meet one. So cast a wide net and concentrate on places that you think are great to meet the kind of woman that you want. 🙂
This change in your mindset in itself can boost your overall sex and dating life like no other.
Bottom line: want to know how to be attractive to women? Simple – be dominant.