Hollywood made it look so charming. Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman. Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake. And somehow in the end, they made it look fun, exciting, normal, and, well, happy. So happy that in fact, they ended up in a happily-ever-after kiss (although them ending up happy and in a relationship in the end makes it seem like the total antithesis to the whole concept of the movie).
But what about in real life? What happens when friends sleep with each other (i.e. when they escalate from platonic to sexual)? I somehow have this thing that most of the benefits are on the men’s side. That’s getting all the ‘lovin’ you want without having to buy her roses and chocolates.
But how do friends with benefits (a.k.a FUBU) work? Or does it ever work?
Friends With Benefits: How It Works
Truth is, yes. Yes it does work for some people. It’s actually not as rare as we would like to think it is. There are all kinds of FWBs around, I know because I’ve met some. Some of them, like Justin Timberlake’s character on the movie Friends With Benefits, he just got so jaded and tired of giving in to all the demands of being in a committed relationship. To many, they are just simply trying to pass time and enjoy themselves while waiting for someone worth the commitment. And still, to others, they are simply gratifying themselves where their actual partners cannot.
So how does it work?
- Absolutely no commitment. Rule number 1. Obey the infamous “no strings attached” rule made famous by the seduction experts at Baltimore Lair (SIBG).
- This is not a committed relationship. Can I ever reiterate it further that the moment you expect loyalty, you will end up getting hurt?
- Falling in love is an absolute no. Neither is sending mixed signals or talking about feelings.
- This is sex without love, purely carnal intentions and desires getting fulfilled through someone that you consider friend. If your guilt eats you up after the first time, then maybe you should stop doing it with your lady friend.
- You cannot expect anything. When the girl starts dating someone else, your dirty little secret might be coming to an end. Without warning. Without announcement. And without expectations. It’s actually merciless coming from the perspective of someone who is solely into relationships.
- You can never risk getting pregnant. That would be extremely difficult to explain to your little junior in the future.
How To Make “Friends With Benefits” Thrive
Based on what’s said above, and you still really think you can do it, at least remember these very friendly (pun intended, at all costs) tips for a healthy, happy, benefited friendship setup:
- Don’t talk about it in public. It’s not something that’s meant for public consumption. Nope, not even to your closest guy buddies.
- Can I just say this again: Don’t fall in love! It does not happen as it is in the movies! Save yourself from the pains of unrequited love.
- Stay safe. Even when you think you’re the only guy she’s doing ‘it’ with, remember that you guys are not really sure about how exclusive you are.
- Don’t make her fall for you. No. Please. Don’t. That’s just brutal. Forget about complimenting her or looking good when you’re together. Not even flowers. You just know how easily girls fall so don’t take advantage of it. Especially if you know the October Man Sequence.