“I’ve been dating a girl for more than a month and we’ve gone on several casual dates and to several parties downtown… We get along very well and laugh a lot together. I quite like her, but I somehow feel that there are several obstacles in the way of us getting physical. Around three weeks ago, I attempted to make my move but she told me she was not ready for physical things just yet – in a nice way, of course. She even stressed the ‘yet’ and said she liked me, so she felt a little bad that she couldn’t give me exactly what I wanted. I was a bit annoyed, but told her it was alright for me to wait. After that, we saw each other a few more times and we had tons of fun every time – without sex or any other physical contact, for that matter, aside from the good night hug. Recently, she told me over IM that she was confused about her feelings but that she had too much on her mind to verbalize it. Now, I am attracted to this girl and am very anxious to get her int he sack.” – Wesley D. from Polk City, FL
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
There are several things you need to do here: be less available, use a bit of jealousy and, most importantly, you need to take that control back! You sure gave her the controls here, huh?
If she keeps dictating the speed at which you will get physical with her, she will keep having the power in the relationship. Basically, she will get to call all the shots.
Since you’re the man, you have to be the dominant one and make the decisions. This doesn’t in any way mean you should pin her to the bed and force her into sex – that would be disgusting and, not to mention, a crime. However, you should escalate things with her physically all the time.
If she actually says no, that’s alright. It’s also alright if she wants you to stop. However, allowing her to state that she doesn’t want anything physical yet and becoming passive afterwards will make her lose interest in you.
Girls like it when men take the lead, so you can say “okay”, but still try to escalate things physically. This, in turn, will turn them on and make them like you more. Plus, it will turn that “yet” into an “alright, I’m ready” in no time.
As backwards as it seems, the more physical things get now, the better it will be in the long run. Take charge. Be a leader. And damn it, touch her already. This whole game is a physical one, after all.