{"id":4272,"date":"2023-09-04T16:22:46","date_gmt":"2023-09-04T08:22:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/derekrake.com\/blog\/?p=4272"},"modified":"2023-10-02T14:09:32","modified_gmt":"2023-10-02T06:09:32","slug":"signs-your-marriage-is-failing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/derekrake.com\/blog\/signs-your-marriage-is-failing\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Know When Your Marriage Is Over"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Reading Time: 10 Minutes<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

“My Marriage Is Over. What Do I Do Now?”<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, I think life would be easier if it was like a Ziggy<\/em> cartoon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Things would be simple.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Everyone would walk around with little smiles on their faces. You\u2019d constantly feel warm and fuzzy inside. Nothing bad would ever happen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But on the other hand, nothing interesting would ever happen, either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because no one would ever face any serious conflicts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And without conflict, we wouldn\u2019t know how to persevere. We would never grow. We would never change and develop as people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What would be the point of that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, don\u2019t get me wrong. I\u2019m not saying that conflict, for its own sake, is good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Look at it this way:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Conflict is important for mental and emotional growth.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the greater the conflict, the greater the growth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Think of a wildfire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Under normal conditions, fires strengthen woodland ecosystems.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They clear out dense or dying plants and give larger. They give sturdier plants room to breathe. They help to enrich the soil and foster new growth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And that new growth is healthier and stronger than ever before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Guess what? The same is true of interpersonal conflicts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes, they challenge and even threaten our relationships. But those relationships emerge stronger and more resilient…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

… but if, and only if you know how to manage the conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because, if you don\u2019t, strife can burn even the sturdiest of relationships to the ground.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes, even that fabled Redwood we call marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Are You Seeing Signs Of A Broken Marriage?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI think it\u2019s over,\u201d is what Conrad said to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou think?\u201d I asked him, leaning back in my office chair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He ran a hand through his hair. \u201cIt seems like it\u2019s over.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I nodded. \u201cI understand, it can feel overwhelming. Just talk me through it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He shrugged. \u201cWe\u2019re just always at each other\u2019s throats. Not even over anything important\u2014just \u2018cause. It\u2019s never a conversation or a discussion.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s always just a fight.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYeah, it\u2019s always<\/em> a fight.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOne that neither of you can ever win, right?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYeah, that\u2019s right.\u201d He cleared his throat. \u201cWe used to get over this stuff in no time when we were younger. And then, the makeup sex was amazing. But now\u2014well, we never cross that finish line anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I scrutinized him. Dark bags under his eyes. Slumping a little in his seat. Speaking slowly and a bit too deliberately.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cConny, you look exhausted. Are you getting enough sleep, man?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He shrugged again. \u201cMostly.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cUsing a little of the old sleeping tonic, eh?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He grinned sheepishly. \u201cGuilty as charged. It\u2019s the only way I can make all this shit stop running through my head at night, every time I try to close my eyes. My marriage is over and I don’t know what to do<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThis is really eating you up, isn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOf course it is!\u201d That little mini-outburst was the most animated I\u2019d seen Conrad since his trouble started. \u201cI love Sheila! I want to do anything I can to make this work\u2014I just can\u2019t figure out what I need to do!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n

READ ALSO: How To Save A Relationship<\/a> (That’s Falling Apart)<\/strong><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Signs Your Marriage Is Failing: A Shortlist<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Conrad\u2019s distress was understandable. Most men in his position feel that way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You thought long and hard if you should marry her<\/a>. Once you’ve decided, you\u2019ve devoted your whole life to a woman. You loved her deeply.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In theory, anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In reality, you\u2019re driving each other out of your fucking minds. She’s a crazy bitch<\/a> and it’s driving you insane.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Naturally, you want to find a solution. But first, it\u2019s important to identify the signs that your marriage is failing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How To Know When Your Marriage Is Over (Look Out For These Ten Signs)<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
    \n
  1. Mutual contempt replaces spousal respect<\/strong>. Instead, all you give each other is disrespect. The best you can offer is malign disinterest.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  2. She\u2019s open about her ongoing affair<\/strong>. This is one of the most dangerous indicators of a failing marriage. She won\u2019t realize that the grass isn\u2019t greener until she\u2019s packed up and left your pasture. (To know if she’s cheating on you, look for these signs<\/a>.)<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  3. Life without her seems like a dream come true<\/strong>. You\u2019re only happy when there\u2019s distance between you. You enjoy your time apart from her way more than you enjoy time with her\u2014if you still enjoy the latter at all.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  4. You have fights, not conversations<\/strong>. It might even be the same fight, over and over again. Her narcissism has gone through the roof<\/a>.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  5. You compete to be right<\/strong>. Everything you say about each other is a harsh criticism.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  6. Problems arise everywhere<\/strong>. Neither of you is interested in finding solutions to them, just placing blame.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  7. The relationship lacks physical contact, especially sex<\/strong>. Lack of emotional connection often follows after stopping physical intimacy. She has lost interest in you<\/a>, physically and emotionally.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  8. You experience, or detect, emotional withdrawal and isolation<\/strong>. You have no desire to open up to each other anymore. She becomes an emotionally unavailable woman<\/a>.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  9. She starts playing mind games on you<\/a>.<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n
  10. One or both of you engage in substance abuse and addictive behavior<\/strong>. Sometimes, it seems like the bottle is the only that thing that really works anymore.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    Granted, this isn\u2019t an exhaustive list. But it does illustrate my point.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Sometimes, there just doesn\u2019t seem<\/em> <\/em><\/strong>to be a way out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    At least, not while keeping your marriage intact.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Take heart, though. There is a way out, and you’ll soon discover how to save a marriage<\/a> quickly enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    How To Save A Marriage: What NOT To Do<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cSo,\u201d I went on, \u201cwhat are your thoughts on all this? What do you want to do?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cSave my marriage,\u201d Conrad said flatly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    I chuckled. \u201cAt this point, I think that\u2019s a given. What have you tried so far?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cAll the usual stuff,\u201d he said with another shrug. \u201cTalkin\u2019 to her and telling her how I feel. Doing the stuff she asks me, even though she won\u2019t return the favor and meet me halfway.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cInteresting.\u201d I chewed on my lip for a second or two. \u201cAnd how did you decide that those were your best courses of action?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cI did a bunch of research online, read up on how you\u2019re supposed to save a marriage. I\u2019ve tried everything. We\u2019re even going to couples therapy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    He grimaced, tendons in his neck straining. \u201cCouples therapy. Me. Can you believe it?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cYeah,\u201d I told him, \u201cI can believe it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    But I really, really didn\u2019t want to.<\/p>\n\n\n

    READ ALSO: Controlling Wife<\/a>? Here’s How To Control Her Back!<\/strong><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

    Fake Marriage Advice, And Why You Can\u2019t Trust It<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    Now, at this point, I was really wishing Conrad hadn\u2019t gone to the internet for advice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Using Google to figure out woman-based problems is a bad idea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Because, 99% of the time, you\u2019re going to get one of two things:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      \n
    1. Pop dating advice, which is designed to be bad. The outlets that publish this crap want you to stay miserable. That way, you\u2019ll keep coming back to them for advice. (And they\u2019ll keep earning advertising revenue.)<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    2. Women telling men how to treat women, a.k.a. feminist propaganda. This is like Vladimir Putin saying, \u201cHey, Ukraine, everything\u2019ll be cool if you just let our soldiers stomp on your faces. Forever. Hey, since you\u2019re already down there, could you go ahead and give us a foot rub? Thanks.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

      These are the equivalent of crappy “Pickup Artist” tricks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Think about it. Pickup artists (may) get you laid. But get this – they don\u2019t help you build a strong relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      You can\u2019t erect a skyscraper on a tropical swamp, no matter how hot and wet you like it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      And most online marriage advice will push you toward doing touchy-feely crap like:<\/p>\n\n\n\n