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Inner Game Secret #1: Situational Confidence

I’m sure you’ve been in one or more scenarios wherein you felt like you’re in control, on top of things and absolutely know what you’re doing. So have I. Most of these scenarios involve an area of expertise. Maybe you’ve been showing some people what you can achieve with a deck of cards, or you’re showing off your juggling skills (if you’ve been a bartender in the past).

Remember the time when you talked to a group of people about your science project, or the software you developed for your company? These situations made you feel like THE MAN. Women around are rapt at attention, and men are equally in awe. 

This experience is something that I call situational self-assurance.  

Everyone has that particular self-image that comes up in particular situations, some of which I already listed above. How you perceive your “value” in these scenarios dictate the way you act, speak or think. When your self-value in that situation is high, you relax and openly express your ideas and convictions. You’re more easy-going and will probably talk all day if prompted. 

Now there’s a good side and a bad side to this. 

On the plus side, you know you can be confident if given the right situation. However, the negative side to this is it makes you feel exasperated (frustrated, even) with yourself if you cannot feel the same way when placed in another situation. 

 Here are some of the factors involved in situational self-assurance:

 1. Social Confirmation. 

People around you are taking what you’re dishing out. They believe what you’re saying without question. The more your audience applauds your every move, the more proof you have that you’re in control of the situation. Social confirmation reinforces your status inside your mind and in the mind of others. This is one of the reasons why you are the coolest guy in the planet to your friends, but not to the random girls you want to approach in bars.

2. Clothing. 

The better you look, the more confident you become. The rule of thumb when choosing something to wear is to “dress as if you’re going to a party full of women”.  A lot of men prefer to dress casually without thinking of style or purpose. The fact that they know they’re not looking their best makes them feel uneasy and it will show through their actions. You must always dress to impress, even if the only person who thinks you look awesome is yourself. 

This is the secret to pulling off any outfit. Do you know how some guys just tend to blend their style into anything they wear? These men may not necessarily be models. They just feel comfortable and at ease with what they’re wearing. Women have a similar rule when it comes to dressing for success: wear cotton like mink, and wear mink like cotton. 

3. Higher status.

This is a big concept. This is attainable only when you believe that you are superior to others in terms of know-how, background and experience in a given scenario.

Observe how the most effective public speakers dish out a speech. They do not talk down to people, but rather, they express their views about the topic using the language that the others can understand. When you’re an expert at something, you can translate the concept in many different ways. This puts you a rank higher than those who can only talk about something in the context of the topic at hand. 

A good example of this is how programmers work. They develop programs upon programs, and they also need to present these programs to their company. If they started spouting numbers and formulas, their projects will never get approved (because it would seem like they don’t know what their own programs can do when applied in practical situations). They have to explain things in a way that the non-techies can understand. Someone who doesn’t have a higher knowledge of the topic will never be able to transcend the communication barrier, and if you are someone who can, you feel a lot more confident. 

4. Congruence with your role. 

Balance between your role and your thoughts simply means believing in yourself and in what you can achieve. Knowing you can do it is one thing, believing without a shred of doubt that you can do something is another.  If you’re completely in tune with how your mind and body function in relation to the role you’re playing, balance will ensue. Some people who seem to be saying one thing and acting the opposite are not in congruence with their roles. 

5.  ”Immunity” to branding by others.

Have you ever been told that you’re not effective by some people who simply want to put you down? Some may even go as far as to tell you that your style stinks. Objectively regarding their opinion will help you become more confident. If you let them get to you, you’re more prone to backtracking and your actions will show your lack of self-assurance. Ignore your need to ask for approval from others.

Situational Confidence is easily the biggest component of your inner game arsenal. Master this skill - and you will reap rich rewards down the road.

© 2008 DerekRake.com and Zen & The Art of Seduction. Go to http://www.TheRakeLetter.com for a free trial subscription of The Rake Letter - the seduction community's premium e-newsletter featuring the best of the Zen Seduction techniques for free

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