When we talk about Natural Attraction, a few things come to mind. 

First, we know that the interaction between you and the girl wasn’t forced, and you didn’t go out of your way to place yourself in that position. It just happened. Not all men know how to react when placed in a dating situation that forces him to act naturally. 

These men freeze because they relied too much on canned material in the past. What does it take for a man to just ‘wing it’ in this type of situation? How can a guy be naturally attractive? Read on to discover the 4 traits that sit in the core of a naturally attractive man. 

“The 4 Traits of Naturally Attractive Men”

Trait # 1. “Zen Confidence” 

There are many aspects involved in developing real confidence. The most relevant one is being in control of how you react to the many stimuli that come when in conversation with women or with men who will try to provoke you. 

Reacting to provocation is something that we deal with daily, and more than once, the way we lose our cool is telling of the level of confidence we have. 

One other thing involved in reaching the level of confidence of naturally attractive men is your potential to automatically validate yourself internally every time you deal with problems or decisions. 

Confidence and self-assurance will increase your appeal because women will naturally gravitate towards you when they’re lacking in self confidence. 

Men do this too, and you instantly become the alpha in a sea of subordinate betas. 

Should this put pressure on you to be more confident? It shouldn’t. 

If you have a self-validation system, other people’s regard and the pressure that comes with it should not bother you much. 

That is the main difference between faking confidence and real confidence. The former wears off when pressure comes, while the latter one stays. 

Sidenote: For an easy way to gain ‘confidence on tap‘, check out pages 21-27 of How to Seduce Out Of Your League ebook - downloadable here).

Trait 2. Charismatic Fascination 

Being fascinating or at the very least, interesting, is an important aspect of Natural Game. 

Some say that this isn’t something you learn from a manual, and you’re either born with it or not, but I disagree. Attraction does not start when fascination is lacking. 

She will not give you the time of day if you don’t have that level of intensity that keeps women fascinated. A woman’s attraction will increase ten-fold when you compel her to listen to you. 

How can you develop this trait? You have to really engage women in conversation to always pick up gorgeous women.  

You can also teach her something she probably doesn’t know about her personality. If you’ve heard of cold reading and warm reading, this is what it’s all about. 

Girls are compelled to listen when you tell them something they’ve heard somewhere but never really explored. 

Trait # 3. Fun Tomfoolery 

You’ve probably heard that being funny is the most effective aphrodisiac, but at the core of being funny is the trait called “fun”.  

This to women spells the difference between being cheesy and being playful. Anyone can dish out lines of jokes and teasing, but it takes someone who can naturally stir a sense of fun in a woman to really attract women. 

Women need positivity, and nothing spells that out better than laughter. If you’re fun-loving, you are inviting women to be playful with you. 

They drop their guards because you are obviously welcome to their own teasing and jokes. If you can be fun around women, you can be sure that more than a few of the women you interact with regularly are dreaming of hooking up with you. 

You can take classes in improvisation, or you can develop your own brand of self-deprecating humor. If you don’t take yourself too seriously and you can relax at will, you will have better chances of attracting women. 

The funny guys are always popular; and surprisingly, they are also the most magnetic when it comes to romancing girls. 

One reason for this is that you can use your humor to contrast your seriousness when it comes to dating. For instance, a woman has always thought of you as someone she can joke around with, and for a time she might have been keeping a secret crush on you. 

If you suddenly stop the humor, and then turn really serious when telling her about your feelings, the effect can be astounding.  

Trait # 4. Manliness – The Zen Way

One obvious aspect of Natural Attraction is being able to make a girl feel more feminine just by being around her. 

No matter how many times she tells herself that she is a modern woman, and she can hold her own in any situation, she will always have that one man she feels submissive to. You don’t have to try too hard to make her sense your masculinity. 

The Yin and Yang of Attraction becomes more obvious if you can elicit that extreme feeling of femininity in a woman. The more manly you are, the more obvious the differences between you and the woman. 

Some masculine traits include dominance, and being able to lead your relationship. You must also be mature enough to handle decisions. All of these qualities will tell her that you are dependable, and may take on the role as provider someday.

That’s very attractive to women, regardless of your relationship with them. Having the aura of manliness around you will alert them of your eligibility as a boyfriend.

One of the significant realizations you will have is the real meaning of becoming a man in society. A lot of men get it wrong, and it follows that they can never really access a particularly important area of their psychology. 

Notice how other men equate real manliness with bluster and machismo? This grey area related with masculinity will make a huge difference in natural attraction. 

Some men are “manly” but they don’t attract women, while some others who are more low-key, don’t have big biceps and don’t have a booming voice do.

Most women see a manly man as a protector of a family or a group of people (including her). A woman’s perception of masculinity is at the core of her predisposition to hero worship. 

And, because we are talking about natural attraction here, you can definitely use this kind of attention to your advantage. 

Using this “attention grabber” technique, you will be able to make that very essential first step in seducing her (the Shift Your Focus technique on page 38 of How To Seduce Out Of Your League). This is often the make or break of a man’s seduction abilities - so it is important that you nailed this part of your game.

When one becomes a student under the Zen Master it is an advantage that he is always involved with his students’ progress and can provide tips specifically for the Mastermind group.

Last Friday afternoon we had yet another session with the Master (who was joined by Mr X - author of The Player’s Guide) in his leafy gardens in Petaling Jaya suburbs where we talked about some of the more advanced Zen Seduction tactics - how to use the ‘Pre-Qualification Tactic‘ to generate attraction in women.

Below an excerpt from one of our discussions which includes a rather ‘ingenious’ adjustment to one of the questions that I posed to the Master.

DEREK RAKE:

When interested in a woman, should I not express disinterest so that I don’t come across as over eager? Perhaps I could tell them “I am not looking for anything serious right now” or “I don’t think that it would work between us”.

ZEN MASTER:

While you are right in that you do not want to express too much interest, at the same time you do not want to completely close off the situation.

If you say that it wouldn’t work between you she may decide that you are right - and then you will have lost any chance you have of forming a relationship.

Rather than discredit any chance of forming a bond with a person, pique her interest like so:

“Perhaps we can just be friends - I’m really looking for someone who can be that perfect person…unless you think you could be her, could you?”

(Note that this is also known as “Reverse LJBF” - if you are familiar with PUA lexicon you will know what I mean)

Derek’s note - if you have read Mr X’s The Players Guide audio program, you would have detected similar lines of thought behind the Always Be Qualifying (ABQ) principle.

Or:

“I don’t normally go for girls like you, but you have something special…”

In both these responses you are not saying no directly, neither are you giving an over the top invitation. If you were to say something negative like “I don’t think it would work” what will probably happen is:

1) She will know deep down that it won’t work between you.

2) You will realize inside that it won’t work between you.

3) Everyone around you will realize that it won’t work between you.

So what do you do then?

Rather than give a ‘definitive’ negative response, tease here with something like -

“I think that we are too much alike…we could never argue because…well you know…”

She will grill you to answer, and then you say the following:

“You are probably really into makeup sex, I can tell. It would just get too crazy!”

Now you are getting her interest and hinting at sexuality at the same time, got it?

ZACK ADAMS (Fellow Mastermind Apprentice):

Can you tell me if I am using the Pre-Qualifier Tactic correctly? I am asking questions like “what sets you apart from all the other girls?” or “tell me what you think I would want to know the most about you?” Other times I’ll ask “do you consider yourself adventurous?” or “what do you like to do to unwind?”

MR X:

These are fine, but try to soften them up a little with this tactic which I call “Putting Yourself In The Equation“.

For example, say it like this:

“I like to know someone in depth, not just on the surface, but what really makes them tick and what about them makes them stand out. If you could pick two things about yourself that would make you different from everyone else what would they be?”

As you see, this is a slight modification of the ABQ Technique I first presented in The Player’s Guide. You can use this technique for any type of question where you want to learn something without being too harsh or invasive.

—-

Attention Zen Seduction devotees…

Have you used a similar “pre-qualification” tactic in your interactions with a woman? Post your experiences here below.

On Wednesday I had gone to visit the Zen Master in the leafy suburbs of Kuala Lumpur, where we spent an hour in his serene yard enjoying Lapsang tea and talked on our favorite topic of the psychology of seduction and influence.

“Derek, I want to share with you today a very powerful method for creating strong attraction,” said the Master.

I listened intently.

“Perhaps not surprisingly, this method is also used by women on men. But before I tell you about the method, let me first tell you about something that happened to me twenty-five years ago.”

I nodded.

“Back in high school I knew this guy (Leroy) who claimed that he was dating a model four years older than him. He wasn’t particularly good looking, and he wasn’t very rich either. So, we all had problems believing Leroy. Instead, he was mercilessly laughed at every time he mentions about his ‘model girlfriend’.”

“So in order to prove to everyone that he indeed was dating the model, he threw a house party and promised that his ‘girlfriend’ would be there. We had wanted to expose him of the lies that he has been telling. I wanted to prove to myself that he was just imagining things.”

My curiosity was piqued. “So was she real?”

The Master paused for a second.

“Yes, she was indeed real. In fact, she was a downright stunner - a redhead with a slim, curvy figure with an angelic, pixie-like face. I was stumped.”

“Leroy, however, was not really “dating” her. Whenever I mentioned his name, she would either roll her eyes or just act uninterested.”

I asked, “Why is that so?”

The Master smiled. “I’ll tell you later. Meanwhile, we were ‘getting it on’ a little. But at the back of my head, the fact that she already has a boyfriend kinda bugged me.”

SORRY, YOU ARE NOT MY IDEAL MAN

“She pulled her lips from mine, and said: I like you, but Mr X, I can never break up with Leroy for you.”

“I asked her why. And she said that I was not her ideal man.”

I asked, “So did you ask her what her ideal man is like?”

“Yes, she told me even before I asked. She said that I was not romantic, did not buy her gifts nor try to understand her problems. She said that she knew that I was totally not capable of doing those things. Not like Leroy.”

The Master leaned forward. “So what would the Zen Seducer do in this kind of situation?”

I tried to chip in with my two cents worth. “He will tell her that the deal is off.”

The Master smiled. “Exactly. But remember that this happened way before I started to get any good at this. So, instead of running as fast as I could from her, I attempted to live up to her standards and started doing all the things she asked and expected me to do.”

“So did you end up winning her over in the end?” I asked.

He laughed. “Of course not!”

“So what happened then?”

“It would seem that whatever I did, she wasn’t satisfied. And the funny thing is that I found myself attracted to her even more. It was crazy.”

He shook his head. “Derek, don’t do what I did. Unless you are a real sucker for pain!”

I thought for a moment. “I think most guys would have had gone through this before.”

“Yes. That is why the lesson today is invaluable - and is a must-know for every man who wants to be good with women.”

WHAT’S THE LESSON TO BE LEARNED HERE?

The Master took a deep breath. “Here’s a simple fact about human psychology. Whenever you imply to another person that he or she is not living up to your standards, you create emotional tension inside his or her body. This tension remains unresolved - until he or she lives up to the standards that you set them.”

I tried to build on his idea. “So what I do is to come up with my own standards and expect women to live up to them instead.”

He nodded. “Exactly. It depends on what you want in a girl. Want a girlfriend? Then set your girlfriend standards. Want a short-term fling? Then do the same.”

“Strangely, the higher standards you set, the better quality women you will attract.”

“So let’s say I’ve got my three standards. What do I do then?” I asked.

“Whenever you talk to women,” said the Master, “convey that you are not willing to give up on these standards - not even an inch. Challenge them to meet your standards.”

“But what if they don’t?” I pondered.

The Master smiled. “Then tell her that you will walk.”

“Demonstrating the ability to walk away is another highly attractive trait in a man - but we will save this for our next meeting next week.”

“Here’s a good exercise for you to improve on any skill - not only for dating and seducing women,” said the Master.

“Have you ever looked at yourself from a third person’s point of view? Have you stepped outside yourself and observed your behavior when you are around females?”

I shook my head.

“Then do this,” continued the Master, “Visualize yourself talking to a woman you just approached, and want to close.” (Sidenote: the method of visualization from the third party point of view is covered in chapter 4 of How To Seduce Out Of Your League)

I closed my eyes, and let my imagination take over.

“Now listen up,” the Master ordered. “Answer me this - are you too predictable?”

“Are you acting just like every other guy?”

“Do you turn up on time? Or early even?”

“Do you ask questions like ’What is your job’, ‘Where do you live’, and God forbid, ‘Am I your type’?”

“Are you too predictable?”

The Master’s lesson for the day was profound.

The problem with guys is that they act just like every other guy. Women get turned off because guys are too predictable, and too desperate. Their brilliant idea for dates - dinner and movie.

The Master said, “Most men think that it’s proper to please women to make them happy. The sad thing is that when they are too compliant, they commit the biggest sin there is in dating and seducing women - by BEING BORING.”

“Look at yourself from a third person’s point of view. Do you commit the sin of being boring?”

I opened up my eyes. “So what do I do then, Master? How do I stop being predictable?”

Master smiled. “Well, just mix it all up.”

“Be 20 minutes late for dates.”

“If she asks you to turn down the radio in your car, turn it up instead.”

“Ask her what she wants to do in her life. And if she is not making any progress in going nearer to her dreams, challenge her.”

“But Master,” I asked, “don’t all women want stability in their partner?”

“Good question, Derek,” the Master answered. “That is what they tell you what they want - but don’t we all know that women don’t know what they want themselves?”

“Deep down inside, they yearn for the adventure and emotional rollercoaster that they see in the movies and soap operas. So, give it to them. And reap the benefits.”

Imagine a man in a social circle, speaking to a group of man and woman. He charms and dazzles the crowd, and seemingly has an infinitely large list of topics to talk about. He leads the discussions and chats effortlessly.

He is simply enchanting, and could seemingly go on for hours. He is in the proverbial “flow”, and you could see that his audience is captivated by him, hanging on every word that comes out from his mouth. The group nods almost in unison and cracks out in laughter once in a while.

Simply put, the ability to captivate an audience through words is the most potent weapon a seductionist can have in his arsenal. Perhaps surprisingly enough, we Zen Seductionists know that this skill *can* be acquired with a simple plan. (For those who owns a copy of How To Seduce Out Of Your League , turn to pages 22 to 38 for a quick revision).

The Method of Rooted Conversations

The way to master the art of making good conversation is to cultivate ability to take the material you’re given and create conversation “threads” out of it. The basis of this idea is to ‘root’ your conversation as much as possible in the current scenario. For the technically inclined, this is similar with the concept of ‘Rooted Openers ‘ preached by ‘indirect method’ pickup gurus.

If you start talking to a woman and she responds: “Huh?” or “Why do you ask this?” or “Is this some kind of a survey?” then you know that your topic is not sufficiently ‘rooted’ into the situation.

The easiest way to root a conversation is to take the response from the woman, and break it down into components. For example -

“I went to Hong Kong for the year end shopping spree - but the weather was too hot that on the sixth day, we just chilled in the hotel room drinking ice lemon tea”

The components are - (1) Hong Kong , (2) shopping , (3) hot weather , (4) hotel , (5) ice lemon tea .

So some of your responses could be -

(1) “You went to Hong Kong ? I was there for Christmas last year - and did the countdown at downtown Lan Kwai Fong. Totally loved it.”

(2) “Yeah? I like going on bargain hunting as well. People say that shopping is mainly a woman’s pursuit, but I beg to differ. What did you get yourself?”

(3) “Wow, I like getting out there in the hot sun . But just like you, not for long though. Once I had a seven hour tan off the beach in Florida and I looked so toasted that even my best friend couldn’t recognize me.”

(4) “Which hotel did you go to? I was at the Oriental in Bangkok last month on a short trip, which was reputed to be the best hotel in the world. The service was spectacular - they remembered me from my last trip there some three years back. Absolutely fabulous!”

(5) “Ice lemon tea ? I used to be an avid coffee drinker, until my best buddy bought me some Kashmiri Chai from India. Absolutely blew my mind away. Have you tried some of those?”

Do you now see how powerful this method of rooting conversation is? You won’t ever run out of topics to talk about again. Combining this with the Instant Bond Factor technique in How To Seduce Out Of Your League (page 34) you’ll be an unstoppable master of captivating conversations.

One final tip. Use this method when the conversation is getting boring and going nowhere. Pick one specific element from the thing that she said, and then create a topic and start riffing off the topic. It doesn’t matter if the ‘riffs’ are not related to each other.

In fact this could work in your advantage as it creates multiple topics to talk about without the conversation going stale. This itself is a seduction technique called ‘multithreading’ - I will blog more about this specifically in another post.

It was one of my weekly coffee sessions with the Master at the Starbucks outlet at The Curve, one of the more upmarket shopping malls in the suburbans of Kuala Lumpur.

The subject matter of discussion was on the ways to turn a friend into a girlfriend. This perhaps is a topic close to the hearts of many guys who have female friends who they know platonically.

So what does it really needed to take a relationship from platonic to sexual?

“The key here is to shift the frame,” was the Master’s answer.

“But first, some caveat to this strategy. You must realize that you must first be *real* friends with them. In other words, not some chick you knew from last week who you ‘befriended’ just because you cannot score with them.” The students nodded collectively.

“Listen. You must be in a position yourself in a way that it’s a no-lose deal for them. When they consider if they want to sleep with you, they think of one important thing - if they are going to LOSE you as a friend once things get complicated - for example, when you demand to be their boyfriend and they have got their doubts.”

So it has to be a no-strings-attached affair then?

“Not necessarily, but you’ll have to start somewhere.”

OK, taking baby steps, I see.

The Master continued, “Be the one to OFFER her what she wants, and not in the position of DEMANDING her to fulfil your needs. This difference is important.”

“Come across as a loyal friend who also provides both sex and comfort. Be careful not to present yourself as “Mr Right” at first, and be sure to make it clear that you are also looking for “Miss Right” elsewhere. Don’t make her feel that you’re chasing her”

I added, “So, by adopting this frame you’ll come across as a non-threatening friend who offers the comfort of a partner who would neither needy or are going to disappear after the fling.”

Master nodded and smiled.

“But it is common belief among seduction theorists that once you’re in the dreaded ‘friend’ zone, it would be hard to get out. Is turning a friend into a girlfriend even worth doing? What are the odds?”

The Master smiled. “As the Zen saying goes, all conditioned things are impermanent. There are no absolutes. You can turn a friend into a lover if you play your cards right.”