When one becomes a student under the Zen Master it is an advantage that he is always involved with his students’ progress and can provide tips specifically for the Mastermind group.

Last Friday afternoon we had yet another session with the Master (who was joined by Mr X - author of The Player’s Guide) in his leafy gardens in Petaling Jaya suburbs where we talked about some of the more advanced Zen Seduction tactics - how to use the ‘Pre-Qualification Tactic‘ to generate attraction in women.

Below an excerpt from one of our discussions which includes a rather ‘ingenious’ adjustment to one of the questions that I posed to the Master.

DEREK RAKE:

When interested in a woman, should I not express disinterest so that I don’t come across as over eager? Perhaps I could tell them “I am not looking for anything serious right now” or “I don’t think that it would work between us”.

ZEN MASTER:

While you are right in that you do not want to express too much interest, at the same time you do not want to completely close off the situation.

If you say that it wouldn’t work between you she may decide that you are right - and then you will have lost any chance you have of forming a relationship.

Rather than discredit any chance of forming a bond with a person, pique her interest like so:

“Perhaps we can just be friends - I’m really looking for someone who can be that perfect person…unless you think you could be her, could you?”

(Note that this is also known as “Reverse LJBF” - if you are familiar with PUA lexicon you will know what I mean)

Derek’s note - if you have read Mr X’s The Players Guide audio program, you would have detected similar lines of thought behind the Always Be Qualifying (ABQ) principle.

Or:

“I don’t normally go for girls like you, but you have something special…”

In both these responses you are not saying no directly, neither are you giving an over the top invitation. If you were to say something negative like “I don’t think it would work” what will probably happen is:

1) She will know deep down that it won’t work between you.

2) You will realize inside that it won’t work between you.

3) Everyone around you will realize that it won’t work between you.

So what do you do then?

Rather than give a ‘definitive’ negative response, tease here with something like -

“I think that we are too much alike…we could never argue because…well you know…”

She will grill you to answer, and then you say the following:

“You are probably really into makeup sex, I can tell. It would just get too crazy!”

Now you are getting her interest and hinting at sexuality at the same time, got it?

ZACK ADAMS (Fellow Mastermind Apprentice):

Can you tell me if I am using the Pre-Qualifier Tactic correctly? I am asking questions like “what sets you apart from all the other girls?” or “tell me what you think I would want to know the most about you?” Other times I’ll ask “do you consider yourself adventurous?” or “what do you like to do to unwind?”

MR X:

These are fine, but try to soften them up a little with this tactic which I call “Putting Yourself In The Equation“.

For example, say it like this:

“I like to know someone in depth, not just on the surface, but what really makes them tick and what about them makes them stand out. If you could pick two things about yourself that would make you different from everyone else what would they be?”

As you see, this is a slight modification of the ABQ Technique I first presented in The Player’s Guide. You can use this technique for any type of question where you want to learn something without being too harsh or invasive.

—-

Attention Zen Seduction devotees…

Have you used a similar “pre-qualification” tactic in your interactions with a woman? Post your experiences here below.

On Wednesday I had gone to visit the Zen Master in the leafy suburbs of Kuala Lumpur, where we spent an hour in his serene yard enjoying Lapsang tea and talked on our favorite topic of the psychology of seduction and influence.

“Derek, I want to share with you today a very powerful method for creating strong attraction,” said the Master.

I listened intently.

“Perhaps not surprisingly, this method is also used by women on men. But before I tell you about the method, let me first tell you about something that happened to me twenty-five years ago.”

I nodded.

“Back in high school I knew this guy (Leroy) who claimed that he was dating a model four years older than him. He wasn’t particularly good looking, and he wasn’t very rich either. So, we all had problems believing Leroy. Instead, he was mercilessly laughed at every time he mentions about his ‘model girlfriend’.”

“So in order to prove to everyone that he indeed was dating the model, he threw a house party and promised that his ‘girlfriend’ would be there. We had wanted to expose him of the lies that he has been telling. I wanted to prove to myself that he was just imagining things.”

My curiosity was piqued. “So was she real?”

The Master paused for a second.

“Yes, she was indeed real. In fact, she was a downright stunner - a redhead with a slim, curvy figure with an angelic, pixie-like face. I was stumped.”

“Leroy, however, was not really “dating” her. Whenever I mentioned his name, she would either roll her eyes or just act uninterested.”

I asked, “Why is that so?”

The Master smiled. “I’ll tell you later. Meanwhile, we were ‘getting it on’ a little. But at the back of my head, the fact that she already has a boyfriend kinda bugged me.”

SORRY, YOU ARE NOT MY IDEAL MAN

“She pulled her lips from mine, and said: I like you, but Mr X, I can never break up with Leroy for you.”

“I asked her why. And she said that I was not her ideal man.”

I asked, “So did you ask her what her ideal man is like?”

“Yes, she told me even before I asked. She said that I was not romantic, did not buy her gifts nor try to understand her problems. She said that she knew that I was totally not capable of doing those things. Not like Leroy.”

The Master leaned forward. “So what would the Zen Seducer do in this kind of situation?”

I tried to chip in with my two cents worth. “He will tell her that the deal is off.”

The Master smiled. “Exactly. But remember that this happened way before I started to get any good at this. So, instead of running as fast as I could from her, I attempted to live up to her standards and started doing all the things she asked and expected me to do.”

“So did you end up winning her over in the end?” I asked.

He laughed. “Of course not!”

“So what happened then?”

“It would seem that whatever I did, she wasn’t satisfied. And the funny thing is that I found myself attracted to her even more. It was crazy.”

He shook his head. “Derek, don’t do what I did. Unless you are a real sucker for pain!”

I thought for a moment. “I think most guys would have had gone through this before.”

“Yes. That is why the lesson today is invaluable - and is a must-know for every man who wants to be good with women.”

WHAT’S THE LESSON TO BE LEARNED HERE?

The Master took a deep breath. “Here’s a simple fact about human psychology. Whenever you imply to another person that he or she is not living up to your standards, you create emotional tension inside his or her body. This tension remains unresolved - until he or she lives up to the standards that you set them.”

I tried to build on his idea. “So what I do is to come up with my own standards and expect women to live up to them instead.”

He nodded. “Exactly. It depends on what you want in a girl. Want a girlfriend? Then set your girlfriend standards. Want a short-term fling? Then do the same.”

“Strangely, the higher standards you set, the better quality women you will attract.”

“So let’s say I’ve got my three standards. What do I do then?” I asked.

“Whenever you talk to women,” said the Master, “convey that you are not willing to give up on these standards - not even an inch. Challenge them to meet your standards.”

“But what if they don’t?” I pondered.

The Master smiled. “Then tell her that you will walk.”

“Demonstrating the ability to walk away is another highly attractive trait in a man - but we will save this for our next meeting next week.”

“Here’s a good exercise for you to improve on any skill - not only for dating and seducing women,” said the Master.

“Have you ever looked at yourself from a third person’s point of view? Have you stepped outside yourself and observed your behavior when you are around females?”

I shook my head.

“Then do this,” continued the Master, “Visualize yourself talking to a woman you just approached, and want to close.” (Sidenote: the method of visualization from the third party point of view is covered in chapter 4 of How To Seduce Out Of Your League)

I closed my eyes, and let my imagination take over.

“Now listen up,” the Master ordered. “Answer me this - are you too predictable?”

“Are you acting just like every other guy?”

“Do you turn up on time? Or early even?”

“Do you ask questions like ’What is your job’, ‘Where do you live’, and God forbid, ‘Am I your type’?”

“Are you too predictable?”

The Master’s lesson for the day was profound.

The problem with guys is that they act just like every other guy. Women get turned off because guys are too predictable, and too desperate. Their brilliant idea for dates - dinner and movie.

The Master said, “Most men think that it’s proper to please women to make them happy. The sad thing is that when they are too compliant, they commit the biggest sin there is in dating and seducing women - by BEING BORING.”

“Look at yourself from a third person’s point of view. Do you commit the sin of being boring?”

I opened up my eyes. “So what do I do then, Master? How do I stop being predictable?”

Master smiled. “Well, just mix it all up.”

“Be 20 minutes late for dates.”

“If she asks you to turn down the radio in your car, turn it up instead.”

“Ask her what she wants to do in her life. And if she is not making any progress in going nearer to her dreams, challenge her.”

“But Master,” I asked, “don’t all women want stability in their partner?”

“Good question, Derek,” the Master answered. “That is what they tell you what they want - but don’t we all know that women don’t know what they want themselves?”

“Deep down inside, they yearn for the adventure and emotional rollercoaster that they see in the movies and soap operas. So, give it to them. And reap the benefits.”

It was one of my weekly coffee sessions with the Master at the Starbucks outlet at The Curve, one of the more upmarket shopping malls in the suburbans of Kuala Lumpur.

The subject matter of discussion was on the ways to turn a friend into a girlfriend. This perhaps is a topic close to the hearts of many guys who have female friends who they know platonically.

So what does it really needed to take a relationship from platonic to sexual?

“The key here is to shift the frame,” was the Master’s answer.

“But first, some caveat to this strategy. You must realize that you must first be *real* friends with them. In other words, not some chick you knew from last week who you ‘befriended’ just because you cannot score with them.” The students nodded collectively.

“Listen. You must be in a position yourself in a way that it’s a no-lose deal for them. When they consider if they want to sleep with you, they think of one important thing - if they are going to LOSE you as a friend once things get complicated - for example, when you demand to be their boyfriend and they have got their doubts.”

So it has to be a no-strings-attached affair then?

“Not necessarily, but you’ll have to start somewhere.”

OK, taking baby steps, I see.

The Master continued, “Be the one to OFFER her what she wants, and not in the position of DEMANDING her to fulfil your needs. This difference is important.”

“Come across as a loyal friend who also provides both sex and comfort. Be careful not to present yourself as “Mr Right” at first, and be sure to make it clear that you are also looking for “Miss Right” elsewhere. Don’t make her feel that you’re chasing her”

I added, “So, by adopting this frame you’ll come across as a non-threatening friend who offers the comfort of a partner who would neither needy or are going to disappear after the fling.”

Master nodded and smiled.

“But it is common belief among seduction theorists that once you’re in the dreaded ‘friend’ zone, it would be hard to get out. Is turning a friend into a girlfriend even worth doing? What are the odds?”

The Master smiled. “As the Zen saying goes, all conditioned things are impermanent. There are no absolutes. You can turn a friend into a lover if you play your cards right.”