True story: Carlos Xuma once went on a date with a girl who actually CRINGED away from him when he went on hug her good night. It was a nightmarish experience for him, he swore that he’d never go through that again.

Fast forward a couple of years: he’s now a bona-fide expert when it comes to building strong attraction in women the natural way. In this installment of Interviews With Seduction Masters, Carlos shares his valuable experiences in the dating world, and some of his “best of” techniques which help any guy to attract women naturally.

This is an audio interview so click on the “play” button to hear Carlos’ answers for each of the interview questions below. Dig in…

Derek Rake: Carlos, thanks for sparing some time for readers of my blog and The Rake Letter. Tell us - so how did you start out as a dating coach?

Carlos Xuma: “…my mom started giving out dating advice…”

Derek Rake: What defines “Carlos Xuma”? What makes you different from the other dating experts?

Carlos Xuma: “…I teach guys how to bring out the masculinity in them…”

Derek Rake: Your core philosophy of dating is “R.E.A.L Game” – could you tell us more about this?

Carlos Xuma: “…my methodology for guys to be better with women…”

Derek Rake: I noticed that a major body of your work is focused on inner game, for example, your Alpha Lifestyle program series. What’s your stand on inner game vs outer game? Do you recommend the use of routines or canned lines?

Carlos Xuma: “”…you have got to use routines or canned lines correctly…”

Derek Rake: Cool. The “Yin Yang” principle is something that should be familiar to readers of The Rake Letter - it’s the cornerstone of what I teach. Now moving on… give us the patented Carlos Xuma idea or technique that a man can quickly do in order to be immediately better with women.

Carlos Xuma: “Here’s a Universal Opener which works all the time…”

Derek Rake: What do you think is the biggest sticking point of someone just starting out in dating and attraction? What would be your best advice that you’d give to a guy who just started dating women?

Carlos Xuma: “”…guys just don’t know where to start…”"

Derek Rake: You’ve helped thousands of clients since starting out in this business in 2002. Could you share some of the success stories of your students?

Carlos Xuma: “”…transformation is possible for every guy…”

Derek Rake: Lastly, tell us more about your program, the Bad Boy Formula. What can someone expect to learn from it?

Carlos Xuma: “…bad boys turn women into love junkies…”

Derek Rake: So what’s next for Carlos Xuma? What do you want to achieve – in the dating coaching world, and in life?

Carlos Xuma: “…getting my message out to guys…”

Derek Rake: Thanks, Carlos. Any last words for our readers out there?

Carlos Xuma: “…take back the Bad Boy power…”

Here’s the link as mentioned by Carlos: http://www.derekrake.com/badboyformula . If you’re a guy who’s sick and tired of letting the Bad Boys steal all the beautiful women and leave you with nothing, what you’re about to read will amaze you. Link opens in a new window.

Be a Bad Boy instead of a Nice Guy

Got any feedback or questions for Carlos? Leave your message in the Post A Comment section below.

Body language is often said to be a key aspect in dating and seduction. 

Guess what - that’s VERY true. Mastering body language skills is truly essential in any guy’s ‘game’. But while body language is important, people have got misconceptions on how to use it.

The common thinking is that a guy should look out for the girl’s body language, and then react accordingly. That, my friend, is a totally wrong way to do it.

Why?

You see, if you only ‘react‘ to whatever signals that a woman send you, then you will always be one step behind. 

The key here is to LEAD, and not to follow. If you are a mere follower, you will look doubtful and hesitant to the woman. There’s no need for me to convince you that these are sure attraction killers.

When she feels that you’re not very confident, then it’s effectively game over for you. You see - the only way to win in this game is to be congruent and authoritative.

An attractive, confident man does not “read” a woman’s body language and then figure out if she fancies him or not. No!

But wait…

I do NOT mean that body language is useless. It can be very useful - as long as you don’t use it ‘reactively’. You must ‘monitor’ her body language, but just to ensure that you are doing alright. 

(This is especially important when you are using the “Pulling Her Into Your World” seduction technique - which I covered on page 34 of How To Seduce Out Of Your League)

For example, if she faces you totally, looks deep into your eyes and touches you, then you know that you’re fine. On the other hand, if she looks over your shoulder when talking, it might mean that you’re not doing that well.

In short, you have got to use body language as a ’signpost’ to know that you’re doing things right. You should NOT use it as a basis for your behavior, or for your ‘next move’. In fact, if you combine the power of body language with “Chase Reversal” techniques (tactics to get her to chase you instead - pages 45 to 50 of the How To Seduce Out Of Your League manual) then you will be virtually unstoppable.

When we talk about Natural Attraction, a few things come to mind. 

First, we know that the interaction between you and the girl wasn’t forced, and you didn’t go out of your way to place yourself in that position. It just happened. Not all men know how to react when placed in a dating situation that forces him to act naturally. 

These men freeze because they relied too much on canned material in the past. What does it take for a man to just ‘wing it’ in this type of situation? How can a guy be naturally attractive? Read on to discover the 4 traits that sit in the core of a naturally attractive man. 

“The 4 Traits of Naturally Attractive Men”

Trait # 1. “Zen Confidence” 

There are many aspects involved in developing real confidence. The most relevant one is being in control of how you react to the many stimuli that come when in conversation with women or with men who will try to provoke you. 

Reacting to provocation is something that we deal with daily, and more than once, the way we lose our cool is telling of the level of confidence we have. 

One other thing involved in reaching the level of confidence of naturally attractive men is your potential to automatically validate yourself internally every time you deal with problems or decisions. 

Confidence and self-assurance will increase your appeal because women will naturally gravitate towards you when they’re lacking in self confidence. 

Men do this too, and you instantly become the alpha in a sea of subordinate betas. 

Should this put pressure on you to be more confident? It shouldn’t. 

If you have a self-validation system, other people’s regard and the pressure that comes with it should not bother you much. 

That is the main difference between faking confidence and real confidence. The former wears off when pressure comes, while the latter one stays. 

Sidenote: For an easy way to gain ‘confidence on tap‘, check out pages 21-27 of How to Seduce Out Of Your League ebook - downloadable here).

Trait 2. Charismatic Fascination 

Being fascinating or at the very least, interesting, is an important aspect of Natural Game. 

Some say that this isn’t something you learn from a manual, and you’re either born with it or not, but I disagree. Attraction does not start when fascination is lacking. 

She will not give you the time of day if you don’t have that level of intensity that keeps women fascinated. A woman’s attraction will increase ten-fold when you compel her to listen to you. 

How can you develop this trait? You have to really engage women in conversation to always pick up gorgeous women.  

You can also teach her something she probably doesn’t know about her personality. If you’ve heard of cold reading and warm reading, this is what it’s all about. 

Girls are compelled to listen when you tell them something they’ve heard somewhere but never really explored. 

Trait # 3. Fun Tomfoolery 

You’ve probably heard that being funny is the most effective aphrodisiac, but at the core of being funny is the trait called “fun”.  

This to women spells the difference between being cheesy and being playful. Anyone can dish out lines of jokes and teasing, but it takes someone who can naturally stir a sense of fun in a woman to really attract women. 

Women need positivity, and nothing spells that out better than laughter. If you’re fun-loving, you are inviting women to be playful with you. 

They drop their guards because you are obviously welcome to their own teasing and jokes. If you can be fun around women, you can be sure that more than a few of the women you interact with regularly are dreaming of hooking up with you. 

You can take classes in improvisation, or you can develop your own brand of self-deprecating humor. If you don’t take yourself too seriously and you can relax at will, you will have better chances of attracting women. 

The funny guys are always popular; and surprisingly, they are also the most magnetic when it comes to romancing girls. 

One reason for this is that you can use your humor to contrast your seriousness when it comes to dating. For instance, a woman has always thought of you as someone she can joke around with, and for a time she might have been keeping a secret crush on you. 

If you suddenly stop the humor, and then turn really serious when telling her about your feelings, the effect can be astounding.  

Trait # 4. Manliness – The Zen Way

One obvious aspect of Natural Attraction is being able to make a girl feel more feminine just by being around her. 

No matter how many times she tells herself that she is a modern woman, and she can hold her own in any situation, she will always have that one man she feels submissive to. You don’t have to try too hard to make her sense your masculinity. 

The Yin and Yang of Attraction becomes more obvious if you can elicit that extreme feeling of femininity in a woman. The more manly you are, the more obvious the differences between you and the woman. 

Some masculine traits include dominance, and being able to lead your relationship. You must also be mature enough to handle decisions. All of these qualities will tell her that you are dependable, and may take on the role as provider someday.

That’s very attractive to women, regardless of your relationship with them. Having the aura of manliness around you will alert them of your eligibility as a boyfriend.

One of the significant realizations you will have is the real meaning of becoming a man in society. A lot of men get it wrong, and it follows that they can never really access a particularly important area of their psychology. 

Notice how other men equate real manliness with bluster and machismo? This grey area related with masculinity will make a huge difference in natural attraction. 

Some men are “manly” but they don’t attract women, while some others who are more low-key, don’t have big biceps and don’t have a booming voice do.

Most women see a manly man as a protector of a family or a group of people (including her). A woman’s perception of masculinity is at the core of her predisposition to hero worship. 

And, because we are talking about natural attraction here, you can definitely use this kind of attention to your advantage. 

Using this “attention grabber” technique, you will be able to make that very essential first step in seducing her (the Shift Your Focus technique on page 38 of How To Seduce Out Of Your League). This is often the make or break of a man’s seduction abilities - so it is important that you nailed this part of your game.

The most important thing you will learn in dating women is how to quit acting like a wimp. The idea is to never let your inner demons get in the way, and just going for what you want. You can apply this idea in your daily life, starting with the most obvious. 

Action Step #1: “Accept” yourself.

Let’s say you have a busted ego, and you’ve been through a lot of downtimes. The best way of dealing with the feeling of self pity is to just quit acting like a pussy and begin forgiving yourself for acting so foolish in the past.

Learning to accept yourself even after all the blunders and making sure that you learn from your experiences is the highest form of self love. 

The worst type of self pitying behavior is thinking you are too old, too skinny, too fat, too ugly or too dumb to really attract girls, even those who are way younger than you are. You need to quit acting like a pussy and begin going for the women you’re really attracted to. 

Action Step #2: Bust approach phobia.

Just go for it. The more you hesitate, the more your wimpy nature will resurface to nibble at your confidence.

If taking things further is the issue, you just need to quit acting like a pussy and begin making your move. There’s nothing more frustrating than a man who can’t lead, and women will tell you honestly that if you won’t take the lead, they’ll walk. They signed up for the date because they thought you’d be worth it. Think about that.  

Getting rejected does not excuse you for acting like a wimp.

Most of us do take rejection badly and we all need some time to lick our wounds, but for how long? The sooner you bounce back from getting rejected the better you’ll feel about yourself.

Spend an hour or a minute rubbing your ego and dealing with the frustration, then bounce back. Rejection is the psychological equivalent of getting a scratch.

You don’t cry buckets over it. You clean it up, put band aid and you’re back in the game. 

Many of these self-esteem problems get blown out of proportion because we let them take over our thoughts.

Sometimes, your thoughts and how long you let the problem stay inside your head is aggravating the whole situation.

For instance, a man suffering from a break up can be excused for being heartbroken and keeping to himself for a while, but what is he really doing with his time? Is he letting the problem consume him or is he really dealing with it?

The challenge is to act up and stay afloat regardless of the fear, the guilt and the pressure that every problem brings. 

Let me repeat that again: the problem must stay in your head for a short duration and never longer.

The more you think you have approach problems with women, the more you will lull yourself into believing that you will never be able to.

If you keep your anxiety inside your head, you’ll keep thinking “I’m scared” whenever you try to approach.

Second guessing yourself is the worst thing that can happen when you’re out there with women waiting for you to lead the way to wherever you want to take them.

When one becomes a student under the Zen Master it is an advantage that he is always involved with his students’ progress and can provide tips specifically for the Mastermind group.

Last Friday afternoon we had yet another session with the Master (who was joined by Mr X - author of The Player’s Guide) in his leafy gardens in Petaling Jaya suburbs where we talked about some of the more advanced Zen Seduction tactics - how to use the ‘Pre-Qualification Tactic‘ to generate attraction in women.

Below an excerpt from one of our discussions which includes a rather ‘ingenious’ adjustment to one of the questions that I posed to the Master.

DEREK RAKE:

When interested in a woman, should I not express disinterest so that I don’t come across as over eager? Perhaps I could tell them “I am not looking for anything serious right now” or “I don’t think that it would work between us”.

ZEN MASTER:

While you are right in that you do not want to express too much interest, at the same time you do not want to completely close off the situation.

If you say that it wouldn’t work between you she may decide that you are right - and then you will have lost any chance you have of forming a relationship.

Rather than discredit any chance of forming a bond with a person, pique her interest like so:

“Perhaps we can just be friends - I’m really looking for someone who can be that perfect person…unless you think you could be her, could you?”

(Note that this is also known as “Reverse LJBF” - if you are familiar with PUA lexicon you will know what I mean)

Derek’s note - if you have read Mr X’s The Players Guide audio program, you would have detected similar lines of thought behind the Always Be Qualifying (ABQ) principle.

Or:

“I don’t normally go for girls like you, but you have something special…”

In both these responses you are not saying no directly, neither are you giving an over the top invitation. If you were to say something negative like “I don’t think it would work” what will probably happen is:

1) She will know deep down that it won’t work between you.

2) You will realize inside that it won’t work between you.

3) Everyone around you will realize that it won’t work between you.

So what do you do then?

Rather than give a ‘definitive’ negative response, tease here with something like -

“I think that we are too much alike…we could never argue because…well you know…”

She will grill you to answer, and then you say the following:

“You are probably really into makeup sex, I can tell. It would just get too crazy!”

Now you are getting her interest and hinting at sexuality at the same time, got it?

ZACK ADAMS (Fellow Mastermind Apprentice):

Can you tell me if I am using the Pre-Qualifier Tactic correctly? I am asking questions like “what sets you apart from all the other girls?” or “tell me what you think I would want to know the most about you?” Other times I’ll ask “do you consider yourself adventurous?” or “what do you like to do to unwind?”

MR X:

These are fine, but try to soften them up a little with this tactic which I call “Putting Yourself In The Equation“.

For example, say it like this:

“I like to know someone in depth, not just on the surface, but what really makes them tick and what about them makes them stand out. If you could pick two things about yourself that would make you different from everyone else what would they be?”

As you see, this is a slight modification of the ABQ Technique I first presented in The Player’s Guide. You can use this technique for any type of question where you want to learn something without being too harsh or invasive.

—-

Attention Zen Seduction devotees…

Have you used a similar “pre-qualification” tactic in your interactions with a woman? Post your experiences here below.

In this blog post I will answer a question emailed to me at derek @derekrake.com.

Paul Duhan asks:

First, a little background: I perform magic.  You might even call me a magician.  Recently, I’ve been using it as a way to talk to women.  It works pretty well, and I’ve got a lot of tricks up my sleeve so they usually respond.

My problem is that I don’t know how to get past “Hey, funny guy, nice trick.”  How do I get girls to change that to “Hey, funny guy, let’s go to my place?”

Derek Rake answers:

Alright, Paul, you’ve got one thing down: your ice-breaker.  That’s a good start.  Magic appeals to women everywhere.  It makes you charming, interesting, and mysterious - as well as holding their attention span!  It gives them a reason to see you as unique, and a reason to remember you.  This will definitely make your stock rise with any woman.

Magic is a great tool to creep in and make an opening statement.  It’s a way to make your presence known and establish a conversation without seeming obvious, and you can use that to your advantage in a number of ways.

However, before we start talking about ways of getting girls into bed, you have to realize that approaching women with the mentality of “let’s go to your place” will almost ALWAYS backfire.

One-liners and cute jokes might get you into her good graces, but it’s not going to get you down her pants.

You’ve got to first approach the situation as a gentleman and get to know a little about who she is before you get to know her in bed.  It helps to be genuinely interested in who she is, not just where she’s gonna wake up tomorrow morning.

This might sound totally different from the advice of other ‘pickup gurus’ out there - but hear me out here.

If you disregard this advice, you’ll only be hurting your chances.  If you’re just out for sex and you act like it, the girl will pick up on your motives in no time flat.

Women are strange creatures, and have a sixth sense about men’s intentions.  Always keep that in mind.  They know a lot more than we think they do.

In lieu of trying to score right off the bat, take a some time to create rapport with a woman.  Talk to her and develop a level of trust.

Let her talk to you and she’ll develop confidence in your character. Which makes it easier for her to decide to sleep with you.

Think of your magic as the introduction, and before you know it you’ll be chatting her up and she’ll establish a very definite comfort level with you.

If you’re smooth as a magician, try performing tricks that employ physical contact.  For example, take her by the hands and lead her towards you.  Direct her on how and where to stand, holding her by the waist and moving her into the position you need for the trick.

Introduce her to the audience as your “assistant” (this will help her feel important, as well as establishing a connection between you and her, separating “you and her” from “the rest of the crowd”).

You’ve just created a physical rapport with a woman who otherwise may not have even spoken to you.

Moving on, we’ll pretend you’ve just finished your show.  Your “assistant” is fascinated by your tricks and approaches you:

Her: Wow, I’ve never been a magician’s assistant before!  That trick was amazing!  What’s your secret?

You: I can do a lot more than that silly little trick, if you’d like to see more.  That’s why this job is so great!

Her: Job?!  Are you telling me you’re a professional magician?  That’s so cool!

You: Why yes, I am!  If you’d like to see more… (etc, etc)

When you continue the conversation, it’s all about establishing a defined connection with this woman.

You’ve already opened the door, now it’s time to talk about what she likes and doesn’t like, what she thinks, what she’s been through, and everything in between.  Making her feel like she is emotionally valuable will go a long way.

The easiest way to get a girl to say “let’s go back to my place” is to remember the following:

Initiating subtle physical contact will not only create a subconscious connection between you and she, it will also prove you’ve got confidence, you know who you are, you’re in control, and you know all the rules to the game.

The next step is to draw her in.  Say things she won’t be able to stop herself from responding to.  Do things she can’t resist reacting to.

Have fun with her and tease in a playful manner - like she’s your bratty little sister.

Once you’ve secured this connection with her, and once there’s a level of intimacy she can feel in the conversation, it won’t be too long before she says, “Let’s go back to my place.“

On Wednesday I had gone to visit the Zen Master in the leafy suburbs of Kuala Lumpur, where we spent an hour in his serene yard enjoying Lapsang tea and talked on our favorite topic of the psychology of seduction and influence.

“Derek, I want to share with you today a very powerful method for creating strong attraction,” said the Master.

I listened intently.

“Perhaps not surprisingly, this method is also used by women on men. But before I tell you about the method, let me first tell you about something that happened to me twenty-five years ago.”

I nodded.

“Back in high school I knew this guy (Leroy) who claimed that he was dating a model four years older than him. He wasn’t particularly good looking, and he wasn’t very rich either. So, we all had problems believing Leroy. Instead, he was mercilessly laughed at every time he mentions about his ‘model girlfriend’.”

“So in order to prove to everyone that he indeed was dating the model, he threw a house party and promised that his ‘girlfriend’ would be there. We had wanted to expose him of the lies that he has been telling. I wanted to prove to myself that he was just imagining things.”

My curiosity was piqued. “So was she real?”

The Master paused for a second.

“Yes, she was indeed real. In fact, she was a downright stunner - a redhead with a slim, curvy figure with an angelic, pixie-like face. I was stumped.”

“Leroy, however, was not really “dating” her. Whenever I mentioned his name, she would either roll her eyes or just act uninterested.”

I asked, “Why is that so?”

The Master smiled. “I’ll tell you later. Meanwhile, we were ‘getting it on’ a little. But at the back of my head, the fact that she already has a boyfriend kinda bugged me.”

SORRY, YOU ARE NOT MY IDEAL MAN

“She pulled her lips from mine, and said: I like you, but Mr X, I can never break up with Leroy for you.”

“I asked her why. And she said that I was not her ideal man.”

I asked, “So did you ask her what her ideal man is like?”

“Yes, she told me even before I asked. She said that I was not romantic, did not buy her gifts nor try to understand her problems. She said that she knew that I was totally not capable of doing those things. Not like Leroy.”

The Master leaned forward. “So what would the Zen Seducer do in this kind of situation?”

I tried to chip in with my two cents worth. “He will tell her that the deal is off.”

The Master smiled. “Exactly. But remember that this happened way before I started to get any good at this. So, instead of running as fast as I could from her, I attempted to live up to her standards and started doing all the things she asked and expected me to do.”

“So did you end up winning her over in the end?” I asked.

He laughed. “Of course not!”

“So what happened then?”

“It would seem that whatever I did, she wasn’t satisfied. And the funny thing is that I found myself attracted to her even more. It was crazy.”

He shook his head. “Derek, don’t do what I did. Unless you are a real sucker for pain!”

I thought for a moment. “I think most guys would have had gone through this before.”

“Yes. That is why the lesson today is invaluable - and is a must-know for every man who wants to be good with women.”

WHAT’S THE LESSON TO BE LEARNED HERE?

The Master took a deep breath. “Here’s a simple fact about human psychology. Whenever you imply to another person that he or she is not living up to your standards, you create emotional tension inside his or her body. This tension remains unresolved - until he or she lives up to the standards that you set them.”

I tried to build on his idea. “So what I do is to come up with my own standards and expect women to live up to them instead.”

He nodded. “Exactly. It depends on what you want in a girl. Want a girlfriend? Then set your girlfriend standards. Want a short-term fling? Then do the same.”

“Strangely, the higher standards you set, the better quality women you will attract.”

“So let’s say I’ve got my three standards. What do I do then?” I asked.

“Whenever you talk to women,” said the Master, “convey that you are not willing to give up on these standards - not even an inch. Challenge them to meet your standards.”

“But what if they don’t?” I pondered.

The Master smiled. “Then tell her that you will walk.”

“Demonstrating the ability to walk away is another highly attractive trait in a man - but we will save this for our next meeting next week.”

In this instalment of “Interview of Seduction Masters”, we talk to Mark Redman, the author of Conquer Your Campus.

Mark is currently with Christian Hudson, who was instrumental in setting up and running Charisma Arts with Wayne Elise (better known as “Juggler” in Neil Strauss’ book The Game). Mark’s book, Conquer Your Campus, is widely hailed as the de facto standard in ‘college game’ and at the time of the interview, is still the only book in this particular niche.

In this interview, Mark shares his unique insights on college pickup, and how it is different from meeting and seducing women in general.

Derek Rake: Mark, thanks for agreeing to an interview. Firstly, how is picking women up at college is different from the real world? What are the important differences?

Hey Rake, happy to take a sec and answer some fun questions.  OK, first difference is that you don’t want to think about picking up girls in college, simply because basically a small social environment where the guys who hook up.

The 20% guys who are getting laid consistently are ‘preselected’.  Like, they need some game when they start talking to a girl, but their ability to build attraction is more about their pre-selection than it is their “attract game.”

Derek Rake: So the trick here is to be the 20% guy?

Absolutely. So the trick is to learn how to be that guy - or at least act like one - so that girls are attracted to you.

Derek Rake: Got it. Now, I really like your “tribe mentality” theory (page 23 of Conquer Your Campus) and how it is applied to a college setting. However, these could be easily used at any social setting - at work, for example.

Yeah, man, I see what you mean. I’ve been out of college a year now and I definitely see it here.  And in general if you think about it, anywhere that there’s a semi-closed social circle (small towns, work, hobby cliques, scenes) you basically have the same thing, so you have to know what the scene’s all about, like what it is to be at the top of the scene – and how to work it in your favor.

Derek Rake: In your book Conquer Your Campus, you’ve drawn out a very interesting parallel between the clubbing scene and college fraternities. Any quick tips on how to game fraternities?

Yeah, get in one or become friends with them.  I mean, you want to show up, be cool, try to hook the guys at the house up with something – some beer, some girls, etc. 

Show them you respect what they’re doing at their party.  Ask if they need any help.  It’s like an initiation ritual where you gotta show that it’s worth it for them to let you into their club.  You see where the mindset shift is here?

Derek Rake: Yes. It’s the “what you can do for them” mindset rather than going to the place to look for women for sex.

Exactly. It’s not about showing up at the party and gaming the girls.  It’s about showing up at the party and already knowing - or at least being in with - the girls because you know the guys throwing the party.

Derek Rake: Excellent point. Mark - in some parts of your work, you get heavy on inner game - for example, being the 20% Man and development of the Four Traits (pages 56 onwards). This is markedly different from other products on dating and seduction - which rely very much on routines and lines which are very ‘tactical’ in nature.

Well, Rake, as you know me, I was a routine guy for the first six months I was at school. everyone thought I was weird.  So I worked with my mentor to fix that up a bit, and things got good.  So that’s the biggest reason - its what helped me get girls. 

And I just kind of distilled that stuff down.  I don’t know if I’d totally call it inner game - like it’s not like NLP to build confidence - but I guess its just ‘how to act and be’ rather than ‘what to say’.  Once guys get the ‘how to act and be’ stuff (which ppl tell me I’ve nailed in terms of teaching it in Conquer Your Campus) they often just say great things.

Derek Rake:  You get into an awful lot of details in some parts of the book - there’s pinpoint specific advice on how to meet college girls on the streets, bars, coffee shops, libraries and even at pre-parties! Care to comment more on this?

You need different strategies for different scenes.  So if you know how to play them (kind of like what I said before about frat scenes but with more details and step-by-step stuff) then you can just rock in and get it right.

Derek Rake: Specifically on developing rapport with college girls - any tips to share, and pitfalls to avoid?

Special for DerekRake.com readers…here are two quick tips. Firstly, talk about social things - where they hang out, where they went out last weekend, stuff like that.  And of course, sports are huge if you go to a school big on athletics.

Second tip - only discuss their major to take an opportunity to bust on them. So if a girl says “English” you can be like “huh, that’s funny ‘cause you seem to speak it pretty well.”  She’ll do one of those “har har aren’t you funny” things and then you roll on.  Most guys dwell on it so the fact that you’re not trying to build rapport on the topic says a lot. You don’t want to dwell on her major for too long when you’re getting to know her, it’s not something that 20% guys discuss.

Derek Rake: You have got a chapter on online game in your book. Why is this component essential when it comes to attracting college girls?

Facebook tells a girl if you’re “in” or not.  It doesn’t take a lot to make it work for you, I mean, you don’t typically want to be meeting girls on Facebook.  And to be honest, I dropped off Facebook my senior year, so once you get to a certain point it’s all good. 

But there’s certain thing you have to get right if you’re on it because any girl who’s interested in you is going to be Facebook stalking you.

Derek Rake: Lastly, Mark, what is the one thing that any guy can immediately use to see instant results in their college ‘game’?

I always say this: have fun.  Seriously!

Look, there’s a template in a girl’s mind about how a guy who is attractive in college acts.  She kind of has this notion going into college and there’s four or five traits that, if you exhibit them, will create a strong match in that template.  And attraction just happens. 

But without those traits, it doesn’t matter what material you’re using. she won’t be attracted to you.  And the biggest, most important trait of an attractive guy is someone who has tons of fun wherever he goes.  He’s making stuff happen and he’s engaged with everyone and he’s smiling.  He’s not in a corner being too cool.  He is tearing it up in the middle of people until he picks that one girl who he wants to rock with for the night.

So if you can go out with your goal being ‘have fun’ you will meet more girls and you’ll build more attraction.

Mark Redman is the author of Conquer Your Campus – the definitive manual on dating and seduction on college game. My verdict: absolutely essential if you’re in college, but the principles can be used effectively in any social setting – especially the Tribe Mentality and 20% Man tactics. A very good addition to your seduction arsenal.

If you have got any questions, leave your comment on this blog post and we’ll answer them.

Click here for Conquer Your Campus 

As part of our ongoing series of Interviews with Seduction Masters, we talk to Stephen Nash (aka “PlayboyLA” from Neil Strauss’ book The Game) who spills the beans about the infamous “Project Hollywood” and talks about why he doesn’t recommend ’sarging’ while giving away his top two techniques on picking up women.

Stephen has recently released an audio and ebook set called The Natural Art of Pick-Up.

Derek Rake: Stephen, you’re well known as the character “Playboy” from Neil Strauss’ expose of the seduction community, “The Game”. How did you end up joining up Mystery & Co at Project Hollywood?

Well, I had taken a Real Social Dynamics (RSD) workshop in Nov 2003, and impressed Tyler and Papa.  Also, I got to meet Mystery as he was helping on the program.  Towards the end of the final night, Nick (Papa) sat me down and pitched the whole idea to me:

“Move to LA, move in with me, Mystery and Style, and live with the greatest pick-up artists in the world.  We’ll be pulling chicks left and right, partying, the house is awesome – it’s Dean Martin’s old mansion – we’ll be going to the hottest clubs and events in LA…it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity”

I asked him if I could sleep on it, and the next day I realized I HAD to do this.  It was truly a unique opportunity – and contrary to popular belief – I don’t regret it.  I called him the next day and agreed to sign-on as the 4th member of the house (Herbal signed on a few days later).

I knew that the house would become PU central, and that cool guys like 26 (aka Extramask in “The Game”) and Sickboy would be around a lot.  I also knew that I would REGRET not doing it later on.  After 9/11 – and witnessing it live in NYC – I decided that it was not acceptable to pass up unique, interesting and possibly insane opportunities!  So, I went for it.

In fact, my mom and step-dad had to refinance their cars just to help me with the enormous security deposit.  I was barely able to wing it financially, and scraped by while I was out there.

Derek Rake: Cool. Now tell us a story from Project Hollywood that has not been shared before.

Ha!  The one I really like was when we were all involved in the Double Your Dating Mastery Program.  RSD at the time would gather up 15-20 or so guys each night to take out and show the ropes live, in the field.  One evening, we were at the house preparing to leave for the Strip, when Mystery showed up with nothing to do.

We invited Mystery to join us, and he gladly obliged since he’s always up to play the game.  But, as a challenge to himself, he went out in a lame pair of jeans, grey t-shirt, and a pair of white New Balance tennis shoes! 

Derek Rake: Let me get this straight. So Mystery went out with no peacocking at all?

Yes, Rake - no peacocking at all.  But you know what?  He was still GREAT.  That was a fun night.

I can also add that The One (Cameron Teone) and I pulled girls back to the mansion on four consecutive nights…that was also pretty fun.

Derek Rake: Sounds like a riot! Who is the one person who is the MOST influential in shaping you up as a dating expert? He or she could be from the community, or not.

Well, the author David Deida makes a helluva lot of sense to me. 

Derek Rake: Yeah, I am a fan of David Deida as well. I think “The Way of the Superior Man” is a must read for all the guys out there who want to improve themselves. I cannot recommend it too highly.

Yeah man. Deida’s work and writing focus a lot on the spiritual nature of men and women in relationship.  It’s very interesting, and practical.

Derek Rake: OK. Who else?

I also surround myself with guys who are naturally successful with women and who are in long-term relationships, since that’s what I always wanted, and have now – 2 years running.  So, the kudos there goes to my friend Tom who is incredibly insightful into the female psyche and always willing to offer his thoughts and ideas on specific scenarios.

Derek Rake: Can you share with us the most important thing that you learned from him?

One takeaway I can offer – very often us guys feel we need to DO something about our women, relationships, or even a woman we are dating.  Less is more, do nothing – he taught me.  Let them come to you.

Very empowering.

Derek Rake: Now let me ask about your company, Cutting Edge Image Consulting. What does your company do?

Well, after Project Hollywood, I returned to New York and decompressed for a few months.  That was such an overwhelming experience, that I needed some time just to wash my brain a bit.  But, Mike (Sickboy) and I sat down over dinner one night and realized that we had something very solid to offer the community.

Basically, we were sick of routines, and preferred a more natural style of attracting women.  So, we abandoned scripts and gimmicks and instead focused on teacing social skills.  Though I do teach specific things to say, I only offer them as training wheels.  Guys leave my seminars, 1-on-1’s and products with SKILL that they can apply in their lives.  To me, this is what helps a guy – not a toolbox of training wheels.

We also wanted to offer help to guys in developing a strong sense of personal style and in developing their lifestyle.  Lifestyle is so key, as if done smartly, a guy need never go “sarging” again. 

Derek Rake: Interesting. So you’re advocating “not” to sarge in order to get women?

Exactly. In fact, if you have to sarge to meet women, you’re doing this wrong. 

(It is) far better to spend your time developing yourself, doing interesting things, and expanding your world view, than to be out in clubs/bars picking-up girls.  Trust me, if you live in a way that is healthy and balanced, using some of the ideas I offer, you’ll have no problems meeting women.

CEIC therefore is the company that stresses these three aspects when working with a guy.  It’s not enough to merely teach social skills, without crafting a look and lifestyle that will support them. 

Derek Rake: Tell us more about your program, The Natural Art of the Pick-Up.

The Natural Art of the Pick-Up is my newest program, which I am very excited about.  It contains over 8 hours of audio and an accompanying ebook.  Once you purchase it, you download it and are listening to my voice right away.  The program is my magnum opus of every social skill I’ve ever known to meet and attract women.  It’s designed to teach you the structure of a smooth and natural pick-up, and the skills within each part of the structure. 

It’s EASY, most guys say.  I’ve really simplified the science and math here, and made meeting women EASY and SIMPLE.  That was my goal.  The nice result for guys is that they don’t have to become a weird “PUA”, but rather just grow into a more attractive version of themselves.  VERY cool stuff!

Derek Rake: Is this a “Natural Game” product? How different is it from other dating products out there?

(The product is) a way for me to walk you through the learning curve to finding your own natural style of meeting and attracting women.  I hand you all the social skills, structure, and philosophy you need to be effortlessly meeting women ASAP.  There are exercises, and even an ongoing support forum for when you bounce up against your sticking-points…we’ll get you through them quickly, if you’re willing to take some action.

As far as how it differs from other products…you know, I’m not really sure as I’ve never listened to/watched/read any of them.  I do know that there is a lot of nonsense out there, and that there are very few of us who are truly good at this art. 

Nowadays, it is so easy for guys to operate a PUA business from their house – and consequently, they are not vetted.  The question I continue to ask is – WHO ARE THESE GUYS?  You know?

Derek Rake: Very true.  Anyone can pass off as a “pickup guru” on the Internet nowadays.

Exactly.

(My system) is a clear, concise and coherent look at “pick-up” without the weirdness and with an edge.  No more Mr. Nice Guy – sure, but don’t become a creep either.

Derek Rake: I also remembered that you wrote an ebook on How To Get A Girlfriend.

That’s my primary ebook.  It drills down into the 7 essential skills for meeting the right woman for a relationship.  It does cover approaching, and social skills ad nauseum. 

If you’re a guy who wants to understand more deeply this 3-fold attack, this is the book for you.  You’ll be left with a strong clarity on what you need to do to start attracting women into relationships.  It’s an art.

Derek Rake: Apart from ebooks - do you also offer other programs? Say, audio?

Yes.  Natural Attraction is a 7-Day audio program which expands upon the ideas I set forth in How to Get a Girlfriend.  There are interactive worksessions, interviews, and a thorough breakdown of some of the best “attract” skills known in the community.  This is a take-home bootcamp designed to totally remake your style and image, while loading you up with techniques for getting girls.

Derek Rake: How about coaching?

Rake, glad you asked! 1-on-1 with Stephen Nash – this is where you and I sit down for 6 hours and break everything down – social skills, social life, social circle, lifestyle, personal look – and remake it all from the ground up. 

It’s an enthralling and intense 6 hours.  For the first 2 we go through your lifestyle and rebuild things from where you are, while tossing away A LOT that is distracting and discouraging you. 

The next 2 are all about social skills and meeting/attracting women.  I lead you through numerous exercises, and demonstrate each skill so that you leave with some sturdy tools to put to use right away.  Last, we go shopping and me and my team pull together new, more attractive and cool looks for you begin using in your life. 

This is a massive overhaul, and you leave the session with an ACTION plan.  And no, I don’t pull any punches.

Derek Rake: Stephen, you have consulted for thousands of clients over your 5 years of work in coaching. Could you share with us some of the success stories of your students?

Sure thing, man. Here are a few I think are useful.

Nick was a highly intelligent guy, with a fascinating career, and a variety of outside interests in the world.  Yet, he wouldn’t share any of it with anyone.  He saw himself as a “private” guy.  We worked to get him to change his definition of that, so that he could simply allow others into his truly fascinating world.  Now, he hosts piano concerts in his home, and meets women in lounges/bars all across the city – using the skill set I teach.  He represents the ideal blend of using lifestyle and “pick-up” to expand ones social circle, and to attract the right kinds of women.

Ishmael was a former PUA who simply could not keep a girl interested in him for longer than 10 minutes.  He had no ability to connect with women, and to do so intelligently.  After learning my structure, and the skills within that structure, he’s now got a girlfriend and has been with her for nearly a year.  Also, she’s VERY hot.  I won’t say her name, but she appears in magazines a few times/year. 

Stu is a lawyer who started listening to my podcasts about a year ago.  He hired me for a 1-on-1 to help him with meeting women.  We did an overhaul on his lifestyle, his “in field” skills and his look, and he’s now dating 2-3 women per week (last I heard) and was moving to Hawaii!  He’s my model student for merging lifestyle, social skills and personal style into a newly defined and attractive “image”.

Last, there’s Taylor.  Taylor is a young guy, right out of college, who was a total nerd and a virgin.  He and I worked together, and in particular, on his personal look/style.  My hunch was that he would feel differently about himself if we overhauled how he looked – one thing about younger guys – many can change their attitude and outlook rather quickly if you simply show them physically that they CAN BE attractive.  He’s now a DJ, and has an LTR…he’s my best rags-riches story by far.

Derek Rake: Let us sample your goods. Give us the ONE thing that a beginner MUST do in order to become better with women.

Easy. Start approaching women – RIGHT NOW. 

It is the best way to boost your self-confidence, change your mental reality, practice social skills, learn from experience and possibly get a date…and all in ONE ACTION. 

There is way more to this than approacing, but I’ve rarely met a guy who can really pass through the learning curve of truly finding and owning the power of choice in his life if he’s not willing to approach a woman.

It’s a rites-of-passage in my opinion, and I focus A LOT on it when working with guys and in my products.

Derek Rake: David DeAngelo has got his patented “cocky funny” concept. What’s the defining Stephen Nash pickup technique?

The first technique is what I call “The Teaser Opener” – a flashy, fun approach technique that I teach guys.  It’s very easy to execute and never comes off as scripted.  Also, it is highly fliratious and confident, and women really love it.

The second technique is called “Baiting” – the word I use here sounds a bit manipulative, but it truly is not.  This is the most empowering skill for men that I teach.  It’s where a man leads the conversation, naturally screening her, while she’s placed in the role of asking questions (seeking rapport). 

It’s basically learning the gift of gab that naturals do…well…naturally, but with the “PUA” edge of bringing her more and more into my world.

Derek Rake: Finally, your take on the community. Is it any better, or worse, than it was, say three years ago?

I’d have to say it has gotten worse, man. 

(The community is) so watered down with very mediocre coaches.  Most of these guys are good at marketing, but who really knows if they know what they are talking about?  My advice to guys – really do your research on who is marketing to you and trying to persuade you to purchase and participate in their products. 

There are very few that I’d recommend, most of the others are rewashing others’ techniques and or just offering very basic help.  Given this phenomenon, I think the new guy is likely more confused and less helped than he was 3 years ago. 

My advice is simple. Find a guy you feel you can trust, and whose approach appeals to you, and then go with him.  Buy all of his stuff (within reason).   Unsubscribe to the 25 newsletters you’re reading every day, and drill down into one guy’s teaching. 

The really good guys will get you to where you want to – they might all lead you down differing paths to your goal – but they’ll get you there.  And that’s exactly the point.

Stephen Nash’s “Natural Art of The Pick-Up” is now out. Click here for more details on this comprehensive audio and ebook set.

Question from a reader of The Rake Letter (http://www.TheRakeLetter.com) -

Hey Derek,

When I tell women that I am still single, most of them would express surprise as I am considerably attractive and also relatively successful (Ivy League degree, promising investment banker). However, women usually stop returning my calls after a couple of dates. Also, when I step into the bar or club, I would get almost no notice at all.

Why? This is driving me nutters.

Phillip C.J. - Minneapolis, Minnesota

—x–

Hey Phillip,

Here’s the deal. It looks like you are not able to generate attraction in the first place, or unable to make the attraction last once you get the ladies out for dates.

The problem is that you may just come across as every other guy who they have dated. There could be nothing particularly special about you which makes you stand out from the rest.

So what can you start doing? You must develop rapport with the women who have agreed to go out with you. Even as early as the first date itself.

One effective way to develop rapport is through banter. It’s the most effective way to get a woman attracted to you, bar none. And the good news is that once you developed your bantering skills, you can use it on ALL women - they all react positively to bantering. ALL of them.

Here is an excerpt from “How To Seduce Out Of Your League” on the easiest way to create quick, deep rapport with a woman -

How are most friendships formed? It starts when you find out that the other person has something in common with you. That the two of you are alike in some way, when you share a common interest.

That relationship becomes even stronger when you begin to realize that the other person understands you, that’s he’s going through the same challenges that you are. Nothing creates a bond faster between two people than sharing something in common, especially a common pain or frustration.

Before you can get a person to do what you want them to do, you have to first meet them where they are “mentally”, and see things from their point of view. Only from there can you lead them towards the destination you have chosen.

This is a powerful strategy that master marketers and motivators use to lead people.

The easiest way to begin to create that bond is to ‘ask’ her (open-ended) questions about ‘herself.’ The most favorite subject for most people are “themselves.”

Show her that you’re genuinely interested in getting to know her better. And don’t fake it.

Actually be interested. (Be different from most other guys, remember? You have to keep that theme going the entire time. You have to establish your uniqueness from the beginning and then continue to build on that.)

Remember what I said earlier… you’re not just “pretending” to be a better man. You’re actually “becoming” a better man.

Source: ”How To Seduce Out Of Your League“, page 51 (Section 7.10 - Create Instant Rapport)

Finally, if you don’t get noticed in clubs, it has to do with your body language more than anything else - either you come across as lacking in confidence or just plain uncomfortable. Fix your body language, and you’ll get attention from the ladies in no time.