In this blog post I will answer a question emailed to me at derek @derekrake.com.

Paul Duhan asks:

First, a little background: I perform magic.  You might even call me a magician.  Recently, I’ve been using it as a way to talk to women.  It works pretty well, and I’ve got a lot of tricks up my sleeve so they usually respond.

My problem is that I don’t know how to get past “Hey, funny guy, nice trick.”  How do I get girls to change that to “Hey, funny guy, let’s go to my place?”

Derek Rake answers:

Alright, Paul, you’ve got one thing down: your ice-breaker.  That’s a good start.  Magic appeals to women everywhere.  It makes you charming, interesting, and mysterious - as well as holding their attention span!  It gives them a reason to see you as unique, and a reason to remember you.  This will definitely make your stock rise with any woman.

Magic is a great tool to creep in and make an opening statement.  It’s a way to make your presence known and establish a conversation without seeming obvious, and you can use that to your advantage in a number of ways.

However, before we start talking about ways of getting girls into bed, you have to realize that approaching women with the mentality of “let’s go to your place” will almost ALWAYS backfire.

One-liners and cute jokes might get you into her good graces, but it’s not going to get you down her pants.

You’ve got to first approach the situation as a gentleman and get to know a little about who she is before you get to know her in bed.  It helps to be genuinely interested in who she is, not just where she’s gonna wake up tomorrow morning.

This might sound totally different from the advice of other ‘pickup gurus’ out there - but hear me out here.

If you disregard this advice, you’ll only be hurting your chances.  If you’re just out for sex and you act like it, the girl will pick up on your motives in no time flat.

Women are strange creatures, and have a sixth sense about men’s intentions.  Always keep that in mind.  They know a lot more than we think they do.

In lieu of trying to score right off the bat, take a some time to create rapport with a woman.  Talk to her and develop a level of trust.

Let her talk to you and she’ll develop confidence in your character. Which makes it easier for her to decide to sleep with you.

Think of your magic as the introduction, and before you know it you’ll be chatting her up and she’ll establish a very definite comfort level with you.

If you’re smooth as a magician, try performing tricks that employ physical contact.  For example, take her by the hands and lead her towards you.  Direct her on how and where to stand, holding her by the waist and moving her into the position you need for the trick.

Introduce her to the audience as your “assistant” (this will help her feel important, as well as establishing a connection between you and her, separating “you and her” from “the rest of the crowd”).

You’ve just created a physical rapport with a woman who otherwise may not have even spoken to you.

Moving on, we’ll pretend you’ve just finished your show.  Your “assistant” is fascinated by your tricks and approaches you:

Her: Wow, I’ve never been a magician’s assistant before!  That trick was amazing!  What’s your secret?

You: I can do a lot more than that silly little trick, if you’d like to see more.  That’s why this job is so great!

Her: Job?!  Are you telling me you’re a professional magician?  That’s so cool!

You: Why yes, I am!  If you’d like to see more… (etc, etc)

When you continue the conversation, it’s all about establishing a defined connection with this woman.

You’ve already opened the door, now it’s time to talk about what she likes and doesn’t like, what she thinks, what she’s been through, and everything in between.  Making her feel like she is emotionally valuable will go a long way.

The easiest way to get a girl to say “let’s go back to my place” is to remember the following:

Initiating subtle physical contact will not only create a subconscious connection between you and she, it will also prove you’ve got confidence, you know who you are, you’re in control, and you know all the rules to the game.

The next step is to draw her in.  Say things she won’t be able to stop herself from responding to.  Do things she can’t resist reacting to.

Have fun with her and tease in a playful manner - like she’s your bratty little sister.

Once you’ve secured this connection with her, and once there’s a level of intimacy she can feel in the conversation, it won’t be too long before she says, “Let’s go back to my place.“

Question from a reader of The Rake Letter (http://www.TheRakeLetter.com) -

Hey Derek,

When I tell women that I am still single, most of them would express surprise as I am considerably attractive and also relatively successful (Ivy League degree, promising investment banker). However, women usually stop returning my calls after a couple of dates. Also, when I step into the bar or club, I would get almost no notice at all.

Why? This is driving me nutters.

Phillip C.J. - Minneapolis, Minnesota

—x–

Hey Phillip,

Here’s the deal. It looks like you are not able to generate attraction in the first place, or unable to make the attraction last once you get the ladies out for dates.

The problem is that you may just come across as every other guy who they have dated. There could be nothing particularly special about you which makes you stand out from the rest.

So what can you start doing? You must develop rapport with the women who have agreed to go out with you. Even as early as the first date itself.

One effective way to develop rapport is through banter. It’s the most effective way to get a woman attracted to you, bar none. And the good news is that once you developed your bantering skills, you can use it on ALL women - they all react positively to bantering. ALL of them.

Here is an excerpt from “How To Seduce Out Of Your League” on the easiest way to create quick, deep rapport with a woman -

How are most friendships formed? It starts when you find out that the other person has something in common with you. That the two of you are alike in some way, when you share a common interest.

That relationship becomes even stronger when you begin to realize that the other person understands you, that’s he’s going through the same challenges that you are. Nothing creates a bond faster between two people than sharing something in common, especially a common pain or frustration.

Before you can get a person to do what you want them to do, you have to first meet them where they are “mentally”, and see things from their point of view. Only from there can you lead them towards the destination you have chosen.

This is a powerful strategy that master marketers and motivators use to lead people.

The easiest way to begin to create that bond is to ‘ask’ her (open-ended) questions about ‘herself.’ The most favorite subject for most people are “themselves.”

Show her that you’re genuinely interested in getting to know her better. And don’t fake it.

Actually be interested. (Be different from most other guys, remember? You have to keep that theme going the entire time. You have to establish your uniqueness from the beginning and then continue to build on that.)

Remember what I said earlier… you’re not just “pretending” to be a better man. You’re actually “becoming” a better man.

Source: ”How To Seduce Out Of Your League“, page 51 (Section 7.10 - Create Instant Rapport)

Finally, if you don’t get noticed in clubs, it has to do with your body language more than anything else - either you come across as lacking in confidence or just plain uncomfortable. Fix your body language, and you’ll get attention from the ladies in no time.