Last Saturday, Mr X (of “The Player’s Guide” fame) came up to Singapore and we caught up over tea on a sidewalk cafe on Orchard Road.

He told me this story about two guys, Mark and Sam, who he coached in his super-exclusive, $3,997-a-year Player’s Guide Inner Circle in Santa Monica.

“Mark looks like a smelly bum off the back alley in the slums of Compton, no sh*t,” Mr X says. “And he’s not exactly super smooth either.”

“Well, at least he could pay you nearly four grand a year for coaching,” I replied.

Mr X laughed out loud. “He works as a computer techie, and he earns some $30,000 a year. Not exactly a baller, you know. But setting aside a few bucks out of that per year to sort his life out is a no-brainer.”

I nodded, knowing how much value Mr X provides for his Inner Circle clients.

Mr X continued, “Sam, who hailed from up north in Brentwood, is nowhere better than Mark. He’s really not much of a looker, and perhaps worse, he’s a janitor at one of the malls in downtown Santa Monica. But there’s something about him that makes him a little different…”

The one little thing that made all the difference

“Mark thinks that his failure of women is because that he’s a nerdy IT techie, and the fact that he stammered when he got nervous.

“When he joined us only last month, he told me that it’s hard for him to get ahead because he thinks that he is not attractive nor rich.”

“This is typical,” I replied. “Many of my clients think that too. That’s before they read How To Seduce Out Of Your League, where I busted all the common misconceptions that a guy would have, and completely reframed their perceptions about women.”

Mr X laughed again. “Of course, your book is required reading in my Inner Circle. In fact, the other guy Sam, who I made to read your book *5 times* before I let him loose.”

“The difference between Sam and Mark is that Sam actually looks forward to meeting women. He is a naturally fun guy, and likes to flirt with women. Instead of focusing on his negatives, he focuses on what he likes about himself.”

“No prizes for guessing who’s bagging the chicks then,” I smiled.

Mr X replied, “It’s Sam, of course. Mark’s still learning the ropes, and I don’t blame him. But Sam is having the time of his life, already seeing many beautiful women.”

“I can totally relate to Mark though,” I said. “I used to keep thinking about the things about myself which I totally hate. I thought that I had to perfect myself even before I should go out and make my first approach.”

“That’s a common mistake, ” Mr X offered, “And, you’re not alone in this. Guys actually think that you have to have certain traits in order to make women like them.”

“Money, muscles and more money!” I said with a chuckle.

Mr X turned serious. “It’s the lie of the century. You absolutely do not need money and good looks to get a good girl to like you.”

The Magic Ingredient Of Seduction

“I remembered that when I focused on my negatives, my mood turned bad. Being bitter and resentful, I sent out terrible vibes to the women that I meet, ” I said. “I can’t say that I was totally surprised when they rejected me!”

“But as I learned the stuff from the Zen Master, I was able to become more positive. Just like your student Sam,” I continued. “And guess what, dude. The results that I got was amazingly fast!”

Mr X remarked, “That’s what I call the Magic Ingredient of Seduction. I don’t want to sound like a pseudo-science nut, but positivity really attracts positivity. On the other hand, if you’re negative, don’t be surprised that only negative women flock to you.”

I laughed, “How true. I remembered that only thrashy women wanted to sleep with me. Geez.”

Mr X smiled. “I tell my Inner Circle clients that whenever they feel good about themselves, then women will naturally notice them. And once they master up the techniques I share with them in the Inner Circle, women will naturally be attracted to them.”

I nodded in full agreement.

+++

You don’t need to fork out $3,997 to join Mr X’s Player’s Guide Inner Circle, but you can get the manual and audio program that Mr X use as the core syllabus to improve his clients drastically. Click here for this resource.

Also, tell me what you think about this blog post, and any questions that you may have. Mr X might be able to reply to any questions you have here (he just boarded his flight home a couple of hours back) - just give him a day or two, ok?

I’m sure you’ve been in one or more scenarios wherein you felt like you’re in control, on top of things and absolutely know what you’re doing. So have I. Most of these scenarios involve an area of expertise. Maybe you’ve been showing some people what you can achieve with a deck of cards, or you’re showing off your juggling skills (if you’ve been a bartender in the past).

Remember the time when you talked to a group of people about your science project, or the software you developed for your company? These situations made you feel like THE MAN. Women around are rapt at attention, and men are equally in awe. 

This experience is something that I call situational self-assurance.  

Everyone has that particular self-image that comes up in particular situations, some of which I already listed above. How you perceive your “value” in these scenarios dictate the way you act, speak or think. When your self-value in that situation is high, you relax and openly express your ideas and convictions. You’re more easy-going and will probably talk all day if prompted. 

Now there’s a good side and a bad side to this. 

On the plus side, you know you can be confident if given the right situation. However, the negative side to this is it makes you feel exasperated (frustrated, even) with yourself if you cannot feel the same way when placed in another situation. 

 Here are some of the factors involved in situational self-assurance:

 1. Social Confirmation. 

People around you are taking what you’re dishing out. They believe what you’re saying without question. The more your audience applauds your every move, the more proof you have that you’re in control of the situation. Social confirmation reinforces your status inside your mind and in the mind of others. This is one of the reasons why you are the coolest guy in the planet to your friends, but not to the random girls you want to approach in bars.

2. Clothing. 

The better you look, the more confident you become. The rule of thumb when choosing something to wear is to “dress as if you’re going to a party full of women”.  A lot of men prefer to dress casually without thinking of style or purpose. The fact that they know they’re not looking their best makes them feel uneasy and it will show through their actions. You must always dress to impress, even if the only person who thinks you look awesome is yourself. 

This is the secret to pulling off any outfit. Do you know how some guys just tend to blend their style into anything they wear? These men may not necessarily be models. They just feel comfortable and at ease with what they’re wearing. Women have a similar rule when it comes to dressing for success: wear cotton like mink, and wear mink like cotton. 

3. Higher status.

This is a big concept. This is attainable only when you believe that you are superior to others in terms of know-how, background and experience in a given scenario.

Observe how the most effective public speakers dish out a speech. They do not talk down to people, but rather, they express their views about the topic using the language that the others can understand. When you’re an expert at something, you can translate the concept in many different ways. This puts you a rank higher than those who can only talk about something in the context of the topic at hand. 

A good example of this is how programmers work. They develop programs upon programs, and they also need to present these programs to their company. If they started spouting numbers and formulas, their projects will never get approved (because it would seem like they don’t know what their own programs can do when applied in practical situations). They have to explain things in a way that the non-techies can understand. Someone who doesn’t have a higher knowledge of the topic will never be able to transcend the communication barrier, and if you are someone who can, you feel a lot more confident. 

4. Congruence with your role. 

Balance between your role and your thoughts simply means believing in yourself and in what you can achieve. Knowing you can do it is one thing, believing without a shred of doubt that you can do something is another.  If you’re completely in tune with how your mind and body function in relation to the role you’re playing, balance will ensue. Some people who seem to be saying one thing and acting the opposite are not in congruence with their roles. 

5.  ”Immunity” to branding by others.

Have you ever been told that you’re not effective by some people who simply want to put you down? Some may even go as far as to tell you that your style stinks. Objectively regarding their opinion will help you become more confident. If you let them get to you, you’re more prone to backtracking and your actions will show your lack of self-assurance. Ignore your need to ask for approval from others.

Situational Confidence is easily the biggest component of your inner game arsenal. Master this skill - and you will reap rich rewards down the road.

Body language is often said to be a key aspect in dating and seduction. 

Guess what - that’s VERY true. Mastering body language skills is truly essential in any guy’s ‘game’. But while body language is important, people have got misconceptions on how to use it.

The common thinking is that a guy should look out for the girl’s body language, and then react accordingly. That, my friend, is a totally wrong way to do it.

Why?

You see, if you only ‘react‘ to whatever signals that a woman send you, then you will always be one step behind. 

The key here is to LEAD, and not to follow. If you are a mere follower, you will look doubtful and hesitant to the woman. There’s no need for me to convince you that these are sure attraction killers.

When she feels that you’re not very confident, then it’s effectively game over for you. You see - the only way to win in this game is to be congruent and authoritative.

An attractive, confident man does not “read” a woman’s body language and then figure out if she fancies him or not. No!

But wait…

I do NOT mean that body language is useless. It can be very useful - as long as you don’t use it ‘reactively’. You must ‘monitor’ her body language, but just to ensure that you are doing alright. 

(This is especially important when you are using the “Pulling Her Into Your World” seduction technique - which I covered on page 34 of How To Seduce Out Of Your League)

For example, if she faces you totally, looks deep into your eyes and touches you, then you know that you’re fine. On the other hand, if she looks over your shoulder when talking, it might mean that you’re not doing that well.

In short, you have got to use body language as a ’signpost’ to know that you’re doing things right. You should NOT use it as a basis for your behavior, or for your ‘next move’. In fact, if you combine the power of body language with “Chase Reversal” techniques (tactics to get her to chase you instead - pages 45 to 50 of the How To Seduce Out Of Your League manual) then you will be virtually unstoppable.

When we talk about Natural Attraction, a few things come to mind. 

First, we know that the interaction between you and the girl wasn’t forced, and you didn’t go out of your way to place yourself in that position. It just happened. Not all men know how to react when placed in a dating situation that forces him to act naturally. 

These men freeze because they relied too much on canned material in the past. What does it take for a man to just ‘wing it’ in this type of situation? How can a guy be naturally attractive? Read on to discover the 4 traits that sit in the core of a naturally attractive man. 

“The 4 Traits of Naturally Attractive Men”

Trait # 1. “Zen Confidence” 

There are many aspects involved in developing real confidence. The most relevant one is being in control of how you react to the many stimuli that come when in conversation with women or with men who will try to provoke you. 

Reacting to provocation is something that we deal with daily, and more than once, the way we lose our cool is telling of the level of confidence we have. 

One other thing involved in reaching the level of confidence of naturally attractive men is your potential to automatically validate yourself internally every time you deal with problems or decisions. 

Confidence and self-assurance will increase your appeal because women will naturally gravitate towards you when they’re lacking in self confidence. 

Men do this too, and you instantly become the alpha in a sea of subordinate betas. 

Should this put pressure on you to be more confident? It shouldn’t. 

If you have a self-validation system, other people’s regard and the pressure that comes with it should not bother you much. 

That is the main difference between faking confidence and real confidence. The former wears off when pressure comes, while the latter one stays. 

Sidenote: For an easy way to gain ‘confidence on tap‘, check out pages 21-27 of How to Seduce Out Of Your League ebook - downloadable here).

Trait 2. Charismatic Fascination 

Being fascinating or at the very least, interesting, is an important aspect of Natural Game. 

Some say that this isn’t something you learn from a manual, and you’re either born with it or not, but I disagree. Attraction does not start when fascination is lacking. 

She will not give you the time of day if you don’t have that level of intensity that keeps women fascinated. A woman’s attraction will increase ten-fold when you compel her to listen to you. 

How can you develop this trait? You have to really engage women in conversation to always pick up gorgeous women.  

You can also teach her something she probably doesn’t know about her personality. If you’ve heard of cold reading and warm reading, this is what it’s all about. 

Girls are compelled to listen when you tell them something they’ve heard somewhere but never really explored. 

Trait # 3. Fun Tomfoolery 

You’ve probably heard that being funny is the most effective aphrodisiac, but at the core of being funny is the trait called “fun”.  

This to women spells the difference between being cheesy and being playful. Anyone can dish out lines of jokes and teasing, but it takes someone who can naturally stir a sense of fun in a woman to really attract women. 

Women need positivity, and nothing spells that out better than laughter. If you’re fun-loving, you are inviting women to be playful with you. 

They drop their guards because you are obviously welcome to their own teasing and jokes. If you can be fun around women, you can be sure that more than a few of the women you interact with regularly are dreaming of hooking up with you. 

You can take classes in improvisation, or you can develop your own brand of self-deprecating humor. If you don’t take yourself too seriously and you can relax at will, you will have better chances of attracting women. 

The funny guys are always popular; and surprisingly, they are also the most magnetic when it comes to romancing girls. 

One reason for this is that you can use your humor to contrast your seriousness when it comes to dating. For instance, a woman has always thought of you as someone she can joke around with, and for a time she might have been keeping a secret crush on you. 

If you suddenly stop the humor, and then turn really serious when telling her about your feelings, the effect can be astounding.  

Trait # 4. Manliness – The Zen Way

One obvious aspect of Natural Attraction is being able to make a girl feel more feminine just by being around her. 

No matter how many times she tells herself that she is a modern woman, and she can hold her own in any situation, she will always have that one man she feels submissive to. You don’t have to try too hard to make her sense your masculinity. 

The Yin and Yang of Attraction becomes more obvious if you can elicit that extreme feeling of femininity in a woman. The more manly you are, the more obvious the differences between you and the woman. 

Some masculine traits include dominance, and being able to lead your relationship. You must also be mature enough to handle decisions. All of these qualities will tell her that you are dependable, and may take on the role as provider someday.

That’s very attractive to women, regardless of your relationship with them. Having the aura of manliness around you will alert them of your eligibility as a boyfriend.

One of the significant realizations you will have is the real meaning of becoming a man in society. A lot of men get it wrong, and it follows that they can never really access a particularly important area of their psychology. 

Notice how other men equate real manliness with bluster and machismo? This grey area related with masculinity will make a huge difference in natural attraction. 

Some men are “manly” but they don’t attract women, while some others who are more low-key, don’t have big biceps and don’t have a booming voice do.

Most women see a manly man as a protector of a family or a group of people (including her). A woman’s perception of masculinity is at the core of her predisposition to hero worship. 

And, because we are talking about natural attraction here, you can definitely use this kind of attention to your advantage. 

Using this “attention grabber” technique, you will be able to make that very essential first step in seducing her (the Shift Your Focus technique on page 38 of How To Seduce Out Of Your League). This is often the make or break of a man’s seduction abilities - so it is important that you nailed this part of your game.

The most important thing you will learn in dating women is how to quit acting like a wimp. The idea is to never let your inner demons get in the way, and just going for what you want. You can apply this idea in your daily life, starting with the most obvious. 

Action Step #1: “Accept” yourself.

Let’s say you have a busted ego, and you’ve been through a lot of downtimes. The best way of dealing with the feeling of self pity is to just quit acting like a pussy and begin forgiving yourself for acting so foolish in the past.

Learning to accept yourself even after all the blunders and making sure that you learn from your experiences is the highest form of self love. 

The worst type of self pitying behavior is thinking you are too old, too skinny, too fat, too ugly or too dumb to really attract girls, even those who are way younger than you are. You need to quit acting like a pussy and begin going for the women you’re really attracted to. 

Action Step #2: Bust approach phobia.

Just go for it. The more you hesitate, the more your wimpy nature will resurface to nibble at your confidence.

If taking things further is the issue, you just need to quit acting like a pussy and begin making your move. There’s nothing more frustrating than a man who can’t lead, and women will tell you honestly that if you won’t take the lead, they’ll walk. They signed up for the date because they thought you’d be worth it. Think about that.  

Getting rejected does not excuse you for acting like a wimp.

Most of us do take rejection badly and we all need some time to lick our wounds, but for how long? The sooner you bounce back from getting rejected the better you’ll feel about yourself.

Spend an hour or a minute rubbing your ego and dealing with the frustration, then bounce back. Rejection is the psychological equivalent of getting a scratch.

You don’t cry buckets over it. You clean it up, put band aid and you’re back in the game. 

Many of these self-esteem problems get blown out of proportion because we let them take over our thoughts.

Sometimes, your thoughts and how long you let the problem stay inside your head is aggravating the whole situation.

For instance, a man suffering from a break up can be excused for being heartbroken and keeping to himself for a while, but what is he really doing with his time? Is he letting the problem consume him or is he really dealing with it?

The challenge is to act up and stay afloat regardless of the fear, the guilt and the pressure that every problem brings. 

Let me repeat that again: the problem must stay in your head for a short duration and never longer.

The more you think you have approach problems with women, the more you will lull yourself into believing that you will never be able to.

If you keep your anxiety inside your head, you’ll keep thinking “I’m scared” whenever you try to approach.

Second guessing yourself is the worst thing that can happen when you’re out there with women waiting for you to lead the way to wherever you want to take them.

When one becomes a student under the Zen Master it is an advantage that he is always involved with his students’ progress and can provide tips specifically for the Mastermind group.

Last Friday afternoon we had yet another session with the Master (who was joined by Mr X - author of The Player’s Guide) in his leafy gardens in Petaling Jaya suburbs where we talked about some of the more advanced Zen Seduction tactics - how to use the ‘Pre-Qualification Tactic‘ to generate attraction in women.

Below an excerpt from one of our discussions which includes a rather ‘ingenious’ adjustment to one of the questions that I posed to the Master.

DEREK RAKE:

When interested in a woman, should I not express disinterest so that I don’t come across as over eager? Perhaps I could tell them “I am not looking for anything serious right now” or “I don’t think that it would work between us”.

ZEN MASTER:

While you are right in that you do not want to express too much interest, at the same time you do not want to completely close off the situation.

If you say that it wouldn’t work between you she may decide that you are right - and then you will have lost any chance you have of forming a relationship.

Rather than discredit any chance of forming a bond with a person, pique her interest like so:

“Perhaps we can just be friends - I’m really looking for someone who can be that perfect person…unless you think you could be her, could you?”

(Note that this is also known as “Reverse LJBF” - if you are familiar with PUA lexicon you will know what I mean)

Derek’s note - if you have read Mr X’s The Players Guide audio program, you would have detected similar lines of thought behind the Always Be Qualifying (ABQ) principle.

Or:

“I don’t normally go for girls like you, but you have something special…”

In both these responses you are not saying no directly, neither are you giving an over the top invitation. If you were to say something negative like “I don’t think it would work” what will probably happen is:

1) She will know deep down that it won’t work between you.

2) You will realize inside that it won’t work between you.

3) Everyone around you will realize that it won’t work between you.

So what do you do then?

Rather than give a ‘definitive’ negative response, tease here with something like -

“I think that we are too much alike…we could never argue because…well you know…”

She will grill you to answer, and then you say the following:

“You are probably really into makeup sex, I can tell. It would just get too crazy!”

Now you are getting her interest and hinting at sexuality at the same time, got it?

ZACK ADAMS (Fellow Mastermind Apprentice):

Can you tell me if I am using the Pre-Qualifier Tactic correctly? I am asking questions like “what sets you apart from all the other girls?” or “tell me what you think I would want to know the most about you?” Other times I’ll ask “do you consider yourself adventurous?” or “what do you like to do to unwind?”

MR X:

These are fine, but try to soften them up a little with this tactic which I call “Putting Yourself In The Equation“.

For example, say it like this:

“I like to know someone in depth, not just on the surface, but what really makes them tick and what about them makes them stand out. If you could pick two things about yourself that would make you different from everyone else what would they be?”

As you see, this is a slight modification of the ABQ Technique I first presented in The Player’s Guide. You can use this technique for any type of question where you want to learn something without being too harsh or invasive.

—-

Attention Zen Seduction devotees…

Have you used a similar “pre-qualification” tactic in your interactions with a woman? Post your experiences here below.

In this blog post I will answer a question emailed to me at derek @derekrake.com.

Paul Duhan asks:

First, a little background: I perform magic.  You might even call me a magician.  Recently, I’ve been using it as a way to talk to women.  It works pretty well, and I’ve got a lot of tricks up my sleeve so they usually respond.

My problem is that I don’t know how to get past “Hey, funny guy, nice trick.”  How do I get girls to change that to “Hey, funny guy, let’s go to my place?”

Derek Rake answers:

Alright, Paul, you’ve got one thing down: your ice-breaker.  That’s a good start.  Magic appeals to women everywhere.  It makes you charming, interesting, and mysterious - as well as holding their attention span!  It gives them a reason to see you as unique, and a reason to remember you.  This will definitely make your stock rise with any woman.

Magic is a great tool to creep in and make an opening statement.  It’s a way to make your presence known and establish a conversation without seeming obvious, and you can use that to your advantage in a number of ways.

However, before we start talking about ways of getting girls into bed, you have to realize that approaching women with the mentality of “let’s go to your place” will almost ALWAYS backfire.

One-liners and cute jokes might get you into her good graces, but it’s not going to get you down her pants.

You’ve got to first approach the situation as a gentleman and get to know a little about who she is before you get to know her in bed.  It helps to be genuinely interested in who she is, not just where she’s gonna wake up tomorrow morning.

This might sound totally different from the advice of other ‘pickup gurus’ out there - but hear me out here.

If you disregard this advice, you’ll only be hurting your chances.  If you’re just out for sex and you act like it, the girl will pick up on your motives in no time flat.

Women are strange creatures, and have a sixth sense about men’s intentions.  Always keep that in mind.  They know a lot more than we think they do.

In lieu of trying to score right off the bat, take a some time to create rapport with a woman.  Talk to her and develop a level of trust.

Let her talk to you and she’ll develop confidence in your character. Which makes it easier for her to decide to sleep with you.

Think of your magic as the introduction, and before you know it you’ll be chatting her up and she’ll establish a very definite comfort level with you.

If you’re smooth as a magician, try performing tricks that employ physical contact.  For example, take her by the hands and lead her towards you.  Direct her on how and where to stand, holding her by the waist and moving her into the position you need for the trick.

Introduce her to the audience as your “assistant” (this will help her feel important, as well as establishing a connection between you and her, separating “you and her” from “the rest of the crowd”).

You’ve just created a physical rapport with a woman who otherwise may not have even spoken to you.

Moving on, we’ll pretend you’ve just finished your show.  Your “assistant” is fascinated by your tricks and approaches you:

Her: Wow, I’ve never been a magician’s assistant before!  That trick was amazing!  What’s your secret?

You: I can do a lot more than that silly little trick, if you’d like to see more.  That’s why this job is so great!

Her: Job?!  Are you telling me you’re a professional magician?  That’s so cool!

You: Why yes, I am!  If you’d like to see more… (etc, etc)

When you continue the conversation, it’s all about establishing a defined connection with this woman.

You’ve already opened the door, now it’s time to talk about what she likes and doesn’t like, what she thinks, what she’s been through, and everything in between.  Making her feel like she is emotionally valuable will go a long way.

The easiest way to get a girl to say “let’s go back to my place” is to remember the following:

Initiating subtle physical contact will not only create a subconscious connection between you and she, it will also prove you’ve got confidence, you know who you are, you’re in control, and you know all the rules to the game.

The next step is to draw her in.  Say things she won’t be able to stop herself from responding to.  Do things she can’t resist reacting to.

Have fun with her and tease in a playful manner - like she’s your bratty little sister.

Once you’ve secured this connection with her, and once there’s a level of intimacy she can feel in the conversation, it won’t be too long before she says, “Let’s go back to my place.“

On Wednesday I had gone to visit the Zen Master in the leafy suburbs of Kuala Lumpur, where we spent an hour in his serene yard enjoying Lapsang tea and talked on our favorite topic of the psychology of seduction and influence.

“Derek, I want to share with you today a very powerful method for creating strong attraction,” said the Master.

I listened intently.

“Perhaps not surprisingly, this method is also used by women on men. But before I tell you about the method, let me first tell you about something that happened to me twenty-five years ago.”

I nodded.

“Back in high school I knew this guy (Leroy) who claimed that he was dating a model four years older than him. He wasn’t particularly good looking, and he wasn’t very rich either. So, we all had problems believing Leroy. Instead, he was mercilessly laughed at every time he mentions about his ‘model girlfriend’.”

“So in order to prove to everyone that he indeed was dating the model, he threw a house party and promised that his ‘girlfriend’ would be there. We had wanted to expose him of the lies that he has been telling. I wanted to prove to myself that he was just imagining things.”

My curiosity was piqued. “So was she real?”

The Master paused for a second.

“Yes, she was indeed real. In fact, she was a downright stunner - a redhead with a slim, curvy figure with an angelic, pixie-like face. I was stumped.”

“Leroy, however, was not really “dating” her. Whenever I mentioned his name, she would either roll her eyes or just act uninterested.”

I asked, “Why is that so?”

The Master smiled. “I’ll tell you later. Meanwhile, we were ‘getting it on’ a little. But at the back of my head, the fact that she already has a boyfriend kinda bugged me.”

SORRY, YOU ARE NOT MY IDEAL MAN

“She pulled her lips from mine, and said: I like you, but Mr X, I can never break up with Leroy for you.”

“I asked her why. And she said that I was not her ideal man.”

I asked, “So did you ask her what her ideal man is like?”

“Yes, she told me even before I asked. She said that I was not romantic, did not buy her gifts nor try to understand her problems. She said that she knew that I was totally not capable of doing those things. Not like Leroy.”

The Master leaned forward. “So what would the Zen Seducer do in this kind of situation?”

I tried to chip in with my two cents worth. “He will tell her that the deal is off.”

The Master smiled. “Exactly. But remember that this happened way before I started to get any good at this. So, instead of running as fast as I could from her, I attempted to live up to her standards and started doing all the things she asked and expected me to do.”

“So did you end up winning her over in the end?” I asked.

He laughed. “Of course not!”

“So what happened then?”

“It would seem that whatever I did, she wasn’t satisfied. And the funny thing is that I found myself attracted to her even more. It was crazy.”

He shook his head. “Derek, don’t do what I did. Unless you are a real sucker for pain!”

I thought for a moment. “I think most guys would have had gone through this before.”

“Yes. That is why the lesson today is invaluable - and is a must-know for every man who wants to be good with women.”

WHAT’S THE LESSON TO BE LEARNED HERE?

The Master took a deep breath. “Here’s a simple fact about human psychology. Whenever you imply to another person that he or she is not living up to your standards, you create emotional tension inside his or her body. This tension remains unresolved - until he or she lives up to the standards that you set them.”

I tried to build on his idea. “So what I do is to come up with my own standards and expect women to live up to them instead.”

He nodded. “Exactly. It depends on what you want in a girl. Want a girlfriend? Then set your girlfriend standards. Want a short-term fling? Then do the same.”

“Strangely, the higher standards you set, the better quality women you will attract.”

“So let’s say I’ve got my three standards. What do I do then?” I asked.

“Whenever you talk to women,” said the Master, “convey that you are not willing to give up on these standards - not even an inch. Challenge them to meet your standards.”

“But what if they don’t?” I pondered.

The Master smiled. “Then tell her that you will walk.”

“Demonstrating the ability to walk away is another highly attractive trait in a man - but we will save this for our next meeting next week.”

As part of our ongoing series of Interviews with Seduction Masters, we talk to Stephen Nash (aka “PlayboyLA” from Neil Strauss’ book The Game) who spills the beans about the infamous “Project Hollywood” and talks about why he doesn’t recommend ’sarging’ while giving away his top two techniques on picking up women.

Stephen has recently released an audio and ebook set called The Natural Art of Pick-Up.

Derek Rake: Stephen, you’re well known as the character “Playboy” from Neil Strauss’ expose of the seduction community, “The Game”. How did you end up joining up Mystery & Co at Project Hollywood?

Well, I had taken a Real Social Dynamics (RSD) workshop in Nov 2003, and impressed Tyler and Papa.  Also, I got to meet Mystery as he was helping on the program.  Towards the end of the final night, Nick (Papa) sat me down and pitched the whole idea to me:

“Move to LA, move in with me, Mystery and Style, and live with the greatest pick-up artists in the world.  We’ll be pulling chicks left and right, partying, the house is awesome – it’s Dean Martin’s old mansion – we’ll be going to the hottest clubs and events in LA…it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity”

I asked him if I could sleep on it, and the next day I realized I HAD to do this.  It was truly a unique opportunity – and contrary to popular belief – I don’t regret it.  I called him the next day and agreed to sign-on as the 4th member of the house (Herbal signed on a few days later).

I knew that the house would become PU central, and that cool guys like 26 (aka Extramask in “The Game”) and Sickboy would be around a lot.  I also knew that I would REGRET not doing it later on.  After 9/11 – and witnessing it live in NYC – I decided that it was not acceptable to pass up unique, interesting and possibly insane opportunities!  So, I went for it.

In fact, my mom and step-dad had to refinance their cars just to help me with the enormous security deposit.  I was barely able to wing it financially, and scraped by while I was out there.

Derek Rake: Cool. Now tell us a story from Project Hollywood that has not been shared before.

Ha!  The one I really like was when we were all involved in the Double Your Dating Mastery Program.  RSD at the time would gather up 15-20 or so guys each night to take out and show the ropes live, in the field.  One evening, we were at the house preparing to leave for the Strip, when Mystery showed up with nothing to do.

We invited Mystery to join us, and he gladly obliged since he’s always up to play the game.  But, as a challenge to himself, he went out in a lame pair of jeans, grey t-shirt, and a pair of white New Balance tennis shoes! 

Derek Rake: Let me get this straight. So Mystery went out with no peacocking at all?

Yes, Rake - no peacocking at all.  But you know what?  He was still GREAT.  That was a fun night.

I can also add that The One (Cameron Teone) and I pulled girls back to the mansion on four consecutive nights…that was also pretty fun.

Derek Rake: Sounds like a riot! Who is the one person who is the MOST influential in shaping you up as a dating expert? He or she could be from the community, or not.

Well, the author David Deida makes a helluva lot of sense to me. 

Derek Rake: Yeah, I am a fan of David Deida as well. I think “The Way of the Superior Man” is a must read for all the guys out there who want to improve themselves. I cannot recommend it too highly.

Yeah man. Deida’s work and writing focus a lot on the spiritual nature of men and women in relationship.  It’s very interesting, and practical.

Derek Rake: OK. Who else?

I also surround myself with guys who are naturally successful with women and who are in long-term relationships, since that’s what I always wanted, and have now – 2 years running.  So, the kudos there goes to my friend Tom who is incredibly insightful into the female psyche and always willing to offer his thoughts and ideas on specific scenarios.

Derek Rake: Can you share with us the most important thing that you learned from him?

One takeaway I can offer – very often us guys feel we need to DO something about our women, relationships, or even a woman we are dating.  Less is more, do nothing – he taught me.  Let them come to you.

Very empowering.

Derek Rake: Now let me ask about your company, Cutting Edge Image Consulting. What does your company do?

Well, after Project Hollywood, I returned to New York and decompressed for a few months.  That was such an overwhelming experience, that I needed some time just to wash my brain a bit.  But, Mike (Sickboy) and I sat down over dinner one night and realized that we had something very solid to offer the community.

Basically, we were sick of routines, and preferred a more natural style of attracting women.  So, we abandoned scripts and gimmicks and instead focused on teacing social skills.  Though I do teach specific things to say, I only offer them as training wheels.  Guys leave my seminars, 1-on-1’s and products with SKILL that they can apply in their lives.  To me, this is what helps a guy – not a toolbox of training wheels.

We also wanted to offer help to guys in developing a strong sense of personal style and in developing their lifestyle.  Lifestyle is so key, as if done smartly, a guy need never go “sarging” again. 

Derek Rake: Interesting. So you’re advocating “not” to sarge in order to get women?

Exactly. In fact, if you have to sarge to meet women, you’re doing this wrong. 

(It is) far better to spend your time developing yourself, doing interesting things, and expanding your world view, than to be out in clubs/bars picking-up girls.  Trust me, if you live in a way that is healthy and balanced, using some of the ideas I offer, you’ll have no problems meeting women.

CEIC therefore is the company that stresses these three aspects when working with a guy.  It’s not enough to merely teach social skills, without crafting a look and lifestyle that will support them. 

Derek Rake: Tell us more about your program, The Natural Art of the Pick-Up.

The Natural Art of the Pick-Up is my newest program, which I am very excited about.  It contains over 8 hours of audio and an accompanying ebook.  Once you purchase it, you download it and are listening to my voice right away.  The program is my magnum opus of every social skill I’ve ever known to meet and attract women.  It’s designed to teach you the structure of a smooth and natural pick-up, and the skills within each part of the structure. 

It’s EASY, most guys say.  I’ve really simplified the science and math here, and made meeting women EASY and SIMPLE.  That was my goal.  The nice result for guys is that they don’t have to become a weird “PUA”, but rather just grow into a more attractive version of themselves.  VERY cool stuff!

Derek Rake: Is this a “Natural Game” product? How different is it from other dating products out there?

(The product is) a way for me to walk you through the learning curve to finding your own natural style of meeting and attracting women.  I hand you all the social skills, structure, and philosophy you need to be effortlessly meeting women ASAP.  There are exercises, and even an ongoing support forum for when you bounce up against your sticking-points…we’ll get you through them quickly, if you’re willing to take some action.

As far as how it differs from other products…you know, I’m not really sure as I’ve never listened to/watched/read any of them.  I do know that there is a lot of nonsense out there, and that there are very few of us who are truly good at this art. 

Nowadays, it is so easy for guys to operate a PUA business from their house – and consequently, they are not vetted.  The question I continue to ask is – WHO ARE THESE GUYS?  You know?

Derek Rake: Very true.  Anyone can pass off as a “pickup guru” on the Internet nowadays.

Exactly.

(My system) is a clear, concise and coherent look at “pick-up” without the weirdness and with an edge.  No more Mr. Nice Guy – sure, but don’t become a creep either.

Derek Rake: I also remembered that you wrote an ebook on How To Get A Girlfriend.

That’s my primary ebook.  It drills down into the 7 essential skills for meeting the right woman for a relationship.  It does cover approaching, and social skills ad nauseum. 

If you’re a guy who wants to understand more deeply this 3-fold attack, this is the book for you.  You’ll be left with a strong clarity on what you need to do to start attracting women into relationships.  It’s an art.

Derek Rake: Apart from ebooks - do you also offer other programs? Say, audio?

Yes.  Natural Attraction is a 7-Day audio program which expands upon the ideas I set forth in How to Get a Girlfriend.  There are interactive worksessions, interviews, and a thorough breakdown of some of the best “attract” skills known in the community.  This is a take-home bootcamp designed to totally remake your style and image, while loading you up with techniques for getting girls.

Derek Rake: How about coaching?

Rake, glad you asked! 1-on-1 with Stephen Nash – this is where you and I sit down for 6 hours and break everything down – social skills, social life, social circle, lifestyle, personal look – and remake it all from the ground up. 

It’s an enthralling and intense 6 hours.  For the first 2 we go through your lifestyle and rebuild things from where you are, while tossing away A LOT that is distracting and discouraging you. 

The next 2 are all about social skills and meeting/attracting women.  I lead you through numerous exercises, and demonstrate each skill so that you leave with some sturdy tools to put to use right away.  Last, we go shopping and me and my team pull together new, more attractive and cool looks for you begin using in your life. 

This is a massive overhaul, and you leave the session with an ACTION plan.  And no, I don’t pull any punches.

Derek Rake: Stephen, you have consulted for thousands of clients over your 5 years of work in coaching. Could you share with us some of the success stories of your students?

Sure thing, man. Here are a few I think are useful.

Nick was a highly intelligent guy, with a fascinating career, and a variety of outside interests in the world.  Yet, he wouldn’t share any of it with anyone.  He saw himself as a “private” guy.  We worked to get him to change his definition of that, so that he could simply allow others into his truly fascinating world.  Now, he hosts piano concerts in his home, and meets women in lounges/bars all across the city – using the skill set I teach.  He represents the ideal blend of using lifestyle and “pick-up” to expand ones social circle, and to attract the right kinds of women.

Ishmael was a former PUA who simply could not keep a girl interested in him for longer than 10 minutes.  He had no ability to connect with women, and to do so intelligently.  After learning my structure, and the skills within that structure, he’s now got a girlfriend and has been with her for nearly a year.  Also, she’s VERY hot.  I won’t say her name, but she appears in magazines a few times/year. 

Stu is a lawyer who started listening to my podcasts about a year ago.  He hired me for a 1-on-1 to help him with meeting women.  We did an overhaul on his lifestyle, his “in field” skills and his look, and he’s now dating 2-3 women per week (last I heard) and was moving to Hawaii!  He’s my model student for merging lifestyle, social skills and personal style into a newly defined and attractive “image”.

Last, there’s Taylor.  Taylor is a young guy, right out of college, who was a total nerd and a virgin.  He and I worked together, and in particular, on his personal look/style.  My hunch was that he would feel differently about himself if we overhauled how he looked – one thing about younger guys – many can change their attitude and outlook rather quickly if you simply show them physically that they CAN BE attractive.  He’s now a DJ, and has an LTR…he’s my best rags-riches story by far.

Derek Rake: Let us sample your goods. Give us the ONE thing that a beginner MUST do in order to become better with women.

Easy. Start approaching women – RIGHT NOW. 

It is the best way to boost your self-confidence, change your mental reality, practice social skills, learn from experience and possibly get a date…and all in ONE ACTION. 

There is way more to this than approacing, but I’ve rarely met a guy who can really pass through the learning curve of truly finding and owning the power of choice in his life if he’s not willing to approach a woman.

It’s a rites-of-passage in my opinion, and I focus A LOT on it when working with guys and in my products.

Derek Rake: David DeAngelo has got his patented “cocky funny” concept. What’s the defining Stephen Nash pickup technique?

The first technique is what I call “The Teaser Opener” – a flashy, fun approach technique that I teach guys.  It’s very easy to execute and never comes off as scripted.  Also, it is highly fliratious and confident, and women really love it.

The second technique is called “Baiting” – the word I use here sounds a bit manipulative, but it truly is not.  This is the most empowering skill for men that I teach.  It’s where a man leads the conversation, naturally screening her, while she’s placed in the role of asking questions (seeking rapport). 

It’s basically learning the gift of gab that naturals do…well…naturally, but with the “PUA” edge of bringing her more and more into my world.

Derek Rake: Finally, your take on the community. Is it any better, or worse, than it was, say three years ago?

I’d have to say it has gotten worse, man. 

(The community is) so watered down with very mediocre coaches.  Most of these guys are good at marketing, but who really knows if they know what they are talking about?  My advice to guys – really do your research on who is marketing to you and trying to persuade you to purchase and participate in their products. 

There are very few that I’d recommend, most of the others are rewashing others’ techniques and or just offering very basic help.  Given this phenomenon, I think the new guy is likely more confused and less helped than he was 3 years ago. 

My advice is simple. Find a guy you feel you can trust, and whose approach appeals to you, and then go with him.  Buy all of his stuff (within reason).   Unsubscribe to the 25 newsletters you’re reading every day, and drill down into one guy’s teaching. 

The really good guys will get you to where you want to – they might all lead you down differing paths to your goal – but they’ll get you there.  And that’s exactly the point.

Stephen Nash’s “Natural Art of The Pick-Up” is now out. Click here for more details on this comprehensive audio and ebook set.

“Here’s a good exercise for you to improve on any skill - not only for dating and seducing women,” said the Master.

“Have you ever looked at yourself from a third person’s point of view? Have you stepped outside yourself and observed your behavior when you are around females?”

I shook my head.

“Then do this,” continued the Master, “Visualize yourself talking to a woman you just approached, and want to close.” (Sidenote: the method of visualization from the third party point of view is covered in chapter 4 of How To Seduce Out Of Your League)

I closed my eyes, and let my imagination take over.

“Now listen up,” the Master ordered. “Answer me this - are you too predictable?”

“Are you acting just like every other guy?”

“Do you turn up on time? Or early even?”

“Do you ask questions like ’What is your job’, ‘Where do you live’, and God forbid, ‘Am I your type’?”

“Are you too predictable?”

The Master’s lesson for the day was profound.

The problem with guys is that they act just like every other guy. Women get turned off because guys are too predictable, and too desperate. Their brilliant idea for dates - dinner and movie.

The Master said, “Most men think that it’s proper to please women to make them happy. The sad thing is that when they are too compliant, they commit the biggest sin there is in dating and seducing women - by BEING BORING.”

“Look at yourself from a third person’s point of view. Do you commit the sin of being boring?”

I opened up my eyes. “So what do I do then, Master? How do I stop being predictable?”

Master smiled. “Well, just mix it all up.”

“Be 20 minutes late for dates.”

“If she asks you to turn down the radio in your car, turn it up instead.”

“Ask her what she wants to do in her life. And if she is not making any progress in going nearer to her dreams, challenge her.”

“But Master,” I asked, “don’t all women want stability in their partner?”

“Good question, Derek,” the Master answered. “That is what they tell you what they want - but don’t we all know that women don’t know what they want themselves?”

“Deep down inside, they yearn for the adventure and emotional rollercoaster that they see in the movies and soap operas. So, give it to them. And reap the benefits.”